The Internet Panhandler Disses All Women

Dear Matt Walsh,

I must admit I had no idea who you even were until someone talked about your blog causing an uproar, so I did a Google search, and lo and behold, therily there you were thus, or something like that, in all your MANLIKE glory, panhandling for money on the Internet, and simultaneously begging women to bring American back from the precipice because of a stupid BOOK??

First off, Matt, let me admit that I definitely do not like your approach. In fact, the first thing one sees when arriving at your blog is that you think you are dishing out absolute truths to the Internets, and of course, you would like them to help you support your family in return. 

WTF? Is this a new trend? Panhandling on the internet? Get a grip, buddy, and hold on. It’s going to be a bumpy ride for you, my not-friend. 

First of all, and please excuse the profanity in advance, but WHO THE FUCK do you think you are? Please do NOT underestimate the importance of THIS. WE HAVE BEEN SAVING YOUR SORRY, STINKY BUTT from extinction for thousands of year, and what do we get for it? A thank you? 

No, a call to arms to stand up against YOUR problems in YOUR male-dominated society. Now, I like men. A lot. Probably more than I should, considering some of the things that some of them do, but the fact remains, if you decide to attack the WHOLE of womanhood over a choice of what they read, then I shall be pulling your dusty Playboy collection out from under your colloquial bed for all the world to see.

And of course, you did. You said:

This is truly a seminal moment in our history. The weight of our future, our children’s future, our children’s children’s future, partially rests on the decision you are facing. Your task, ladies, is simple. All you must do is not buy tickets to 50 Shades of Grey when it’s released in theaters on Valentine’s Day.

Not one ticket.

Weekend box office total: $0.

The biggest flop of all time.

So, wow, please lay down on the couch and tell me when you first had these manifestations that you were so important and influential that you controlled the thoughts and minds of 100 million women, and possibly a few men? 

Talk about delusions of grandeur. I think they have a pill for that, and while you are at it, can you do something about the inequality of our system, or the fact that MEN are fighting for their right to get it on with medical help, but turning around and saying that WOMEN, most of whom are working their butts off to make sure someone like your sorry ass stays alive in this dog-eat-dog world, can’t have birth control. 

Senator Mike Lee, the Moron Republican Representative from my state completely backs this opinion. Of course, he also thinks it is appropriate to take our nation hostage, hiding under the skirts of his current bromance, Ted Cruz, who we recently learned has a dual citizenship in CANADA! CANADA? For the love of all that is holy, Little Satan, could you not have picked somewhere a bit more exotic? Say, Cuba? You’re right. That would be completely unfair to the Cuban people. 

But back to you, Matt. You see, men like Mike Lee and Ted Cruz, and some of their Republican cronies from the south, believe that woman bring all this UNFAIRNESS on themselves. Because a woman MIGHT have sex. Apparently, purchasing birth control means you intend to have recreational sex, according to Mr. Lee. And completely ignoring the fact that only MEN get WOMEN pregnant, he indicts all women who might be embracing their sexuality, which is a perfectly normal, integral part of the human relationship dynamic, and never ONCE mentions her partner who can still get Viagra to make sure his equipment is still working. 

I understand you feel a bit of pressure, as your equipment must work when a woman’s equipment comes ready to work, no assembly required. Perhaps you feel this entitles you to believe you control all of these women, but really, we are in control. READY TO WORK, Matt. Figure it out. 

“It shrinks?”

“Like a frightened turtle.”

“Why does it shrink?”

“It just does.”

“I don’t know how you guys walk around with those things.”–Elaine, Jerry and George from Senfield 

This is what we call HUMOR, Matt. In case you didn’t know. The statement made by a Republican representative about rape of women? Not so funny. 

Please note that this might be offensive to some. Because sheer stupidity in the face of common sense, facts, and reason IS offensive to some. More than a few. I’m sure this man will add to your hobo hat. Do you really want him as a reader? This dysfunctional moron is Todd Akin. 

From what I understand from doctors, that’s really rare. If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down. But let’s assume that maybe that didn’t work or something. I think there should be some punishment, but the punishment ought to be on the rapist and not attacking the child.

Dear Mr. Akin,

What the fuck is a LEGITIMATE RAPE???? WHO DO YOU KNOW that RAPES anyone LEGITIMATELY? And who are these doctors that you speak of? I don’t know of one even SEMI-intelligent doctor that would tell you that bunch of bullshit, unless they were trying to hold your body down at the time, while they raped you! 

Are we on our way to legitimizing RAPE NOW, Rep. Akins? Gee, thanks. Hope you don’t have any daughters. 

And back to you, Matt. You think you can call on women to save this world from what men have already done to it? Do you know how many men rape women and then claim it was consensual? Did you realize that the most dangerous place you can send your daughters, if you have them, is college? 

Yes, on college campuses there exists a “Rape Culture” that continually discounts women and their credence; blames the victim; and creates a hostile and non-supportive atmosphere for a woman who has just been physically assaulted in the most personal and most violent of ways. Because we all know that rape is not about sex, but about power. And YOUR cronies, Matt, are still fighting for that power, and continuing to stir ingredients into this toxic mix that is called Rape Culture. 

Don’t believe me? Here are some facts. Please note that ONE IN FOUR–that means if you have five daughters, one of them will be sexually assaulted by the time she gets to college–will be sexually assaulted. Not only that, but 84 percent of women who are assaulted know their rapist. Which means it is her word against his. And you and your cronies repeatedly add to the problem of blaming the victim. Even Asshat Akin didn’t mention the RAPE VICTIM. He mentioned the poor little child that results from the “legitimate rape” of a woman. WHAT ABOUT THE VICTIM? 

Yeah, I know. Your probably one of those guys who is in touch with his feelings, except guess what? Your an asshat, too, because you think this can be placed at women’s feet because they read a stupid book. 

I didn’t read the book. I don’t want to read the book. I have my reasons, and they’re legitimate, and not needed here because no one has asked me. 

But you just offended a HUGE portion of the women writers in America, and they are all waking up now at RWA, ready to head over to your house and set you straight. 

Please don’t tell me you aren’t judging women or trying to “set them straight” because you are. Your use of the word “seminal” in your opening statement proves this. Where does that word come from, Matt? Yep straight from your penis. 

KNOCK IT OFF. You don’t have any more absolute truth than the rest of us. And I frankly could have happily gone the rest of my life without knowing who you were. If you ever did any good in the world, you just erased it. 

Don’t call women to action, and especially women you know. You owe them, me, your mother, your daughters if you have them, any every other woman a great big huge apology. It is not our job to fix your mistakes, even though we’ve been doing it for several thousand years. 

If women want to own their sexuality, for a brief moment, you should be applauding this, not adding it to the problems connected with porn addiction, and rape, and all the seediness (pun intended) that erupts from there. 

Have you heard about the celebrity campaign, “REAL WOMEN DON’T BUY BOYS?” No? Me either, because there ISN’T ONE. There is, however, a campaign called “Real men don’t buy girls,” because there is a huge problem with slavery, white slavery, and forced prostitution around the world. Everyone has forgotten about the more than 200 girls kidnapped by radical Muslim faction Boko Haram in Nigeria. And women have SO LITTLE value there that the leader of that group will never relent, and will probably sell them, because they are just chattel.

And if you don’t want to think about that horror story, and what those girls must be enduring, why don’t you come to my house and I’ll take you to lovely towns of Hildale, Utah and Colorado City, Arizona, where women are pretty much sold to the highest bidder–or the man who has the highest “calling from God–” by the age of 12. It is an abuse of women and a misuse of power by men that is one of the most horrible things happening in the United States today. With the imprisonment of Warren Jeffs, things are a mighty mess over there, and no one knows what to do, because they have always been TOLD what to do. He is trying to control them from prison, but it’s mostly not working. These young girls and boys and older women have NO IDEA how to survive in the real world. So they go to the liquor store and they use illegal drugs and they end up on the street. You see boys are not a valued commodity there, either, because they are COMPETITION for the old men. 

So, get it together, Matt. Pick your battles. Don’t attack your readership, or the person who controls the purse strings in most households. 

And stop blaming the victim. Call your own kind to action, and clean up your own backyard before you try to step into someone else’s and indict them. 

We’ve got a long way to go, baby. 


Myth: Rape is caused by lust or uncontrollable sexual urges and the need for sexual gratification.

Fact: Rape is an act of physical violence and domination that is not motivated by sexual gratification.

Myth: Once a man gets sexually aroused, he can’t just stop.

Fact: Men do not physically need to have sex after becoming sexually excited. Moreover, they are still able to control themselves after becoming aroused.

Myth: Women often lie about rape or falsely accuse someone of rape.

Fact: Statistical studies indicate false reports make up two percent or less of the reported cases of sexual assault. This figure is approximately the same for other types of crimes. Only one out of 10 rapes are actually reported. Rapes by someone the victim knows are the least likely to be reported.

Myth: Women provoke sexual assault by their appearance. Sexual attractiveness is a primary reason why a rapist selects a victim.

Fact: Rapists do not select their victims by their appearance. They select victims who are vulnerable and accessible. Victims of sexual assault range in age groups from infants to the elderly. Sexual attractiveness is not an issue.

Myth: Sexual assault is a topic that only concerns women, and men do not have to be concerned about sexual assault.

Fact: According to recent rape crisis center statistics, men, both straight and gay, suffered 10 percent of the sexual assaults reported in the United States last year. In addition, men have wives, friends, sisters, mothers and daughters who may someday need assistance in coping with sexual assault. Rape is a concern for everyone.

Myth: If a woman really did not want to be raped, she could fight off her attacker.

Fact: Even if the rapist is not carrying a weapon, the element of surprise, shock and fear or the threat of harm can overpower a survivor.

Facts About Date Rape

Here are some data collected from a national study of college students:

  • One in four college women have either been raped or suffered attempted rape.
  • 84 percent of the women who are raped knew their assailants.
  • 57 percent of the rapes occurred on a date.
  • Women, ages 16-24, have four times higher risk of being raped than any other population group.
  • One in 12 male students surveyed had committed acts that met the legal definition of rape.
  • 16 percent of male students who had committed rape took part in episodes with more than one attacker’s gang rape.
  • 75 percent of male students and 55 percent of female students involved in date rape had been drunk or using drugs.*
  • 33 percent of males surveyed said that they would commit rape if they could escape detection.**
  • 25 percent of men surveyed believed that rape was acceptable if the woman asks the man out,  the man pays for the date or the woman goes back to the man’s room after the date. ***

* Koss, M.P. (1988). Hidden Rape: Incidence, Prevalence and descriptive Characteristics of Sexual Aggression and Victimization in a National Sample of College Students. In Burgers, A.W. (ed.) Sexual Assault. Vol II. New York: Garland Publishing Co.

** Malamuth, N.M. (1986). Predictors of Natural Sexual Aggression. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 50, 953-962.

*** Muehlenhard, C.L., Friedman, D.E. & Thomas, C.M. (1985). Is Date Rape Justifiable? Psychology of Women Quarterly, 9, 297-310

Facts About Sexual Assault
  • One out of four women is sexually assaulted at some point in her life.
  • One out of six men is sexually assaulted at some point in his life.
  • Every 15 seconds, a woman is beaten by her husband or boyfriend. (FBI Uniform Crime Report, 1991)
  • Two to four million women are abused every year. (American Medical Association)
  • 95 to 98 percent of victims of domestic violence are women. (Bureau of Statistics)
  • Approximately 25 percent of all women in the U.S. will be abused by current or former partners some time during their lives. (American Medical Association)
  • 82.8 percent of sexual assaults occur before the victim reaches the age of 25.
  • 78 percent of sexual assault victims were assaulted by someone they knew.
  • Up to 57 percent of rapes happened on a date.
  • More than 66 percent of sexual assault victims reported NO visible physical injuries.
  • More than 50 percent of victims and 70 percent of assailants had used drugs or alcohol prior to the assault.
  • Fewer than 20 percent of crimes of sexual violence are reported to the police.
  • Approximately 2 percent of acquaintance rapes are reported to the police.
  • Only 2 percent of reported sexual assaults have been determined to be false reports.
  • One in eight college women is the victim of rape during her college years. One in four is the victim of attempted rape.
  • 95 percent of these rape victims did not report the rape to officials.
  • 25 percent of women were raped and/or physically assaulted by a current or former spouse, partner or date during their lifetime.
  • 84 percent of the women knew the men who raped them; 57 percent were on dates.

* Koss, Mary P., and C. Gedycz, and N. Wisniewski. “The Scope of Rape Incidence and Prevalence of Sexual Aggression and Victimization in a National Sample of Higher Education Students.” Journal of Consulting and Clinical psychology. 55(1987), 162-70.

** Thoennes, Nancy, and Tjaden, Patricia. “Prevalence, Incidence, and Consequences of Violence Against Women: Findings of the National Violence Against Women Survey.” U.S. Department of Justice, November 1998.


About Natalie R. Collins

Natalie has more than 30 years writing, editing, proofreading and design experience. She has written 20 books (and counting), has worked for the Sundance Film Festival, and as an investigative journalist, editor, and proofreader. She embraces her gypsy-heart and is following her new free-thinking journey through life. Follow her as she starts over and learns a bunch of life's lessons--some the hard way.
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