If you don’t know the answer, blame it on Satan

WARNING: This blog will contain material about the LDS CHURCH (Mormons), and certain family members who will not be named, but here’s the deal. If you don’t LIKE it, don’t read it. If you are already OVER me, I’m so happy for you. Let’s have a party. In the meantime….)

The same church who has pumped millions of dollars into passing Proposition 8, which would ensure men only marry women, has a group of women up in arms because they want to be hold the priesthood, and since it’s General Conference Time, what better than to hold a rally.

Now, I’m not sure these women really want the priesthood. I wouldn’t. It means more meetings, more silly duties, voodoo prayers with “consecrated” (read olive) oil and callings that take you away from your family.

But let’s just say they DO really want the priesthood. If this Church treats women better than any other church, as I have heard many times, then why not? Chaos, I’m telling you. No one would know what to do if a woman in a dress passed the sacrament (Wonderbread and tapwater) down the aisle. There’d be a few heart attacks. Some funky Fast and Testimony meetings. It would be anarchy!

Yeah, or just silly. Let’s face it. This is an old boy’s club. Have you checked out the tier at the top of the LDS Church? See any female faces there? There’s a REASON for that. They are the last of the “good old boys” allowed to keep women out. Because they claim a religious status. That gives them the right to say, “No woman on board. Go home and have babies.” They are not alone out there, of course. There’s the Catholic Church, and if you go worldwide, the Taliban, who don’t just excommunicate you if you push too hard for something they don’t want you to have. It does start with an “e” and the next letter is an “x” but there the similiarities end. (Hint: Execute.)

I found it amusing that they chose Boyd K. Packer to deliver the news. Boyd K. “sometimes-the-truth-is-not-very-useful” Packer. He could care less if it makes a modicum of sense. I picture meetings where President Monson says, “I’m not doing it,” and another old guy says “I’m not doing it,” then President Monson says, “Hey, let’s get Boyd to do it. He hates everything.” Of course, at that point my analogy ends because Boyd  WILL do it, because he won’t like it if a woman has the same standing as him.

So again, why? Why are women fighting for the Mormon priesthood? Are they true believers? It seems as if they were true believers they would just accept what the hierarchy spins as “God’s word.” In Boyd’s eyes, you are fighting a battle with God, ladies, and you are NOT GONNA WIN. Unh-uhn. If you don’t like it, leave it. Then write about it. They hate that. Nothing makes a Mormon madder than a “Mormon” who dares to criticize and leave and then tells the world why. 

I don’t shut up because I am not afraid of them. But they want me to be. It’s like spitting in their faces, I guess. I’m not afraid to say, “This is stupid. This man formed this religion by ‘translating’ a book with his head stuck in a hat. S-T-U-P-I-D.” But I don’t stay and try to change them. I leave and do what I want, like, apparently, kicking it with the Devil. (Please note: I do not kill kittens, meet under the dark of night and chant, or practice Satanism. I wouldn’t even know where to begin, and I have less time for that than I had for Mormonism.)

I don’t like what the Westboro Haters Club is doing, but I don’t go join their group and try to change them. I stand up against them as a NON-member of the group. Same thing here.  Well, kind of. I’m still a Mormon because they won’t let me go. If I ever figure out WHY they still want me, I’ll let you know.

I don’t really want to hold any “priesthood.” It doesn’t mean anything but more responsiblity and less time for things that really matter, and in the end, you pray over people who die anyway. You lead people in fasting and praying for young cancer victims who die. Fathers of young children who die. Mothers of young children or older children who die, and all that prayer means nothing because they STILL DIE. You say “God can make miracles” but those same kids still die. And how do you “not feel guilty” about it?

I mean, you gave them a blessing. And they died anyway. IT DID NOTHING.

The standard “We don’t know God’s plan” and “He must have needed him in heaven” are empty platitudes that we use when we don’t know what to say. I don’t use them. Why on earth would God need more people? He’s sending them down here as fast as he can. Almost as fast as he’s taking them. If he can create man at the drop of a hat, if he needed someone like the child about to die from cancer, couldn’t he just create another one? Yeah, I’m not buying that story. I’m not one of the millions of people who fear “not knowing” more than anything else.

My niece RubySue watched General Conference and she told Birdman that some women who had been “touched by the devil” wanted to hold the priesthood. At least that’s what her mom told her.

It’s so convenient to assign labels to things when we don’t know. So convenient to say someone is “bad” because they don’t go to church. I’ve heard things about myself that go along with this. My nieces and nephews are just children, so they often repeat things that probably shouldn’t be repeated. I’m pretty well aware what my family thinks of me. And yet I am still there when they need me.

I know am touched by the devil, because I had to take algebra. And I passed. With an A. If that isn’t sign of my “evil” nature, I don’t know what is.

I think I’ll go out and possess some bodies now. After all, I should get some mileage out of this “touched by the devil” thingie. Don’tcha think?

P.S. Don’t be trying to give me any priesthood authorities. I have enough to do. You can keep those to yourself. 


About Natalie R. Collins

Natalie has more than 30 years writing, editing, proofreading and design experience. She has written 20 books (and counting), has worked for the Sundance Film Festival, and as an investigative journalist, editor, and proofreader. She embraces her gypsy-heart and is following her new free-thinking journey through life. Follow her as she starts over and learns a bunch of life's lessons--some the hard way.
This entry was posted in Around the world in a Mormon minute, Bad Mormon GIrl 102, Everybody wants to be us and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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