Trapped by the Mormons

I’ve told this story before, in detail, but there are still non-believers. Come to me, little-Mormons, and I shall explain how impossible it is to ever leave the Mormon Church. Then you can stop sending me nasty emails telling me I am making it up. I’m not. Although I do enjoy hearing from you. Please, continue to check in on a regular basis and call me names (like lame) and threaten me with dire eternal consequences.


Here is a summation of earlier events:

Trapped by the Mormons–redux

Posted on July 15, 2007

Occasionally, I get emails accusing me of lying. Emails from angry Mormons. They refuse to believe I am TRAPPED. They think I have lied about my “Mormon” status, and they think that if someone wants to leave, it is no big deal. RIGHT. A lot of years ago (I believe it was ’89) I sent the letter in, got ignored, got ignored, got IGNORED again, then got ignored. So I called the bishop and threatened repercussions. His children forgot to give him that message.

Finally I threatened to dance naked on his lawn. That got him going. So, my husband and I got a letter confirming we had been removed from the records, along with all kinds of nasty warnings about the “eternal consequences” of our decision. Please. Give me a break. There are no consequences.

And why not? BECAUSE THEY STILL THINK WE ARE FUCKING MORMONS. My apologies. It slipped out. Oops, I said the “F” word. I’ve been so much better lately. My bad.

Look folks, years ago I asked to be let out, they said my husband and I were no longer members, and they THREATENED us, with those eternal consequences, and then THEY PUT US BACK ON. What is the point of going through all that? This is why I say, “You can check out anytime you want, but you can never leave. ” Thanks, Eagles.

I came home tonight to a nice note from the Relief Society president, and a copy of the ward directory. Our ward GIRL leader wants to MEET with me. Hmmm. Says she has tried to meet me but I must be one BUSY LADY. Here is her note:

Hi Natalie~~I have tried several times to meet you, but you are one busy lady. I would love to get to know you & extend our love & support in whatever way you need it most!!!

Sister XXXXXXX has told me what a wonderful person you are. I will try later to say hi. Thanks, RS president (this was her name, but I’m not going to name her. )

This came with a ward directory, confirming that WE ARE MORMONS. We are all listed there. They appear to have corrected the error that had me listed TWICE, under my maiden name, with my daughter DD and a son named Robert that none of us can find. But folks? If you don’t want to be a Mormon anymore, shouldn’t you be allowed to leave?

Nope. If you are a Mormon, you are a Mormon for life. And so I have embraced this, much to the discontent of my many naysayers, those Mormon folk who think I have no right to WRITE about Mormonism. But guess what? As long as Mormonism EMBRACES me, I will EMBRACE IT. Sort of. I will tell you what I THINK about it, and they will probably tell you what THEY think. I have the right. They have the right.

Somebody pass the funeral potatoes.


Since I wrote this post, I have had further visitations, and not of the Joseph Smith “Holy-Hell-is-that-God-the-father- and-his-Son-Jesus Christ?” type visitations. It’s more of the knock on the door, and “Hi, we came to welcome Natalie to the ward” type visitations. Birdman stands there puzzled, because he KNOWS I had my name removed. He knows I got the letter that said they would remove me despite the DIRE ETERNAL CONSEQUENCES. He also knows I told him they never removed me. And so, here is proof.

My name is Natalie, and I am a Mormon. They will not let me go, so I’m going to embrace it.


About Natalie R. Collins

Natalie has more than 30 years writing, editing, proofreading and design experience. She has written 20 books (and counting), has worked for the Sundance Film Festival, and as an investigative journalist, editor, and proofreader. She embraces her gypsy-heart and is following her new free-thinking journey through life. Follow her as she starts over and learns a bunch of life's lessons--some the hard way.
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7 Responses to Trapped by the Mormons

  1. Linda Watkins says:

    Oh, that’s awful to give in to them. Just because they(Morgites) are persistent, you must NOT let them own you.Tell them 2 words–“Joseph Lied”.You can’t let us down.we look up to you.


    • But Linda, I’m not really giving in. Look at it this way. When they say “If you leave the church, leave the church alone.” I can just say,
      “But I tried to leave and you wouldn’t let me, so I figure I have a right to weigh in on anything that is out there publicly. Because I AM A MORMON, just like you.” Heh.


  2. Michael Mock says:

    I hate to say it, Linda, but our host has a point. (I’ve heard similar stories from Recovering Catholics; apparently getting your name off their membership lists takes some real effort. Though, of course, the RCC doesn’t send people around to check up on you.)

    Natalie, is there any chance you still have the Dire Eternal Consequences letter around? You could frame it and hang it by the door (in, you know, kind of Quick Draw position). Then, when ward-people (wardens?) drop by, you could just whip it out and make them read it.


    • I do, Michael. I remember seeing it not so long ago. Where is the question. LOL. It’s just so silly to have to deal with it over and over again, and it’s a lot of anger that I don’t have time or energy for. Better to just laugh and move on. It’s not like they can PHYSICALLY take me to the church building, and make me attend. (shhh. Don’t give them any ideas.)


      • Michael Mock says:

        I was actually thinking that it might inspire some of them to think, “Say, Natalie really *shouldn’t* be on our member lists. I should send a note to Some Relevant Authority about this perfectly innocent error in our records.” Hijinks would presumably ensue.

        But, yes: I was reading you as finding this more humorous – exasperating, at worst – than truly problematic.


  3. I actually have wondered about that Michael. Can they excommunicate someone who asked to have their name removed, was told it was removed, and then magically reappeared? I think I would fight that. I don’t think they have the right to excommunicate me when I told them I wanted out. Except they like to do things on their terms. Would make for some interesting blogs.


  4. Brandy says:

    My mother went through the same exact thing you did!! She tried to get herself removed from the mormon church dockets forever!! Finally about a year or so before she passed away, she finally got the letter that said she was no longer a mormon. When she passed away my grandmother was sure she had changed her ways/thoughts and was a true believer again. When my grandmother informed me that she had my mother was rebaptised by her sister/my aunt, after she had died, I couldn’t help myself; I showed my grandmother the letters that she sent to the church and the letters the church sent back to her. I think there was a total of about 20 letters to the church over a 25 year period of her asking to be taken out of their mormonism (as I was never raised in the church I am not even sure what this means) and she DID frame the letter that said she was no longer a mormon.

    So I second that the church doesn’t like to let their members go even in death!! Once a mormon always a mormon whether or not you like it!


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