I’ve told this story before, in detail, but there are still non-believers. Come to me, little-Mormons, and I shall explain how impossible it is to ever leave the Mormon Church. Then you can stop sending me nasty emails telling me I am making it up. I’m not. Although I do enjoy hearing from you. Please, continue to check in on a regular basis and call me names (like lame) and threaten me with dire eternal consequences.
Here is a summation of earlier events:
Trapped by the Mormons–redux
Occasionally, I get emails accusing me of lying. Emails from angry Mormons. They refuse to believe I am TRAPPED. They think I have lied about my “Mormon” status, and they think that if someone wants to leave, it is no big deal. RIGHT. A lot of years ago (I believe it was ’89) I sent the letter in, got ignored, got ignored, got IGNORED again, then got ignored. So I called the bishop and threatened repercussions. His children forgot to give him that message.
Finally I threatened to dance naked on his lawn. That got him going. So, my husband and I got a letter confirming we had been removed from the records, along with all kinds of nasty warnings about the “eternal consequences” of our decision. Please. Give me a break. There are no consequences.
And why not? BECAUSE THEY STILL THINK WE ARE FUCKING MORMONS. My apologies. It slipped out. Oops, I said the “F” word. I’ve been so much better lately. My bad.
Look folks, years ago I asked to be let out, they said my husband and I were no longer members, and they THREATENED us, with those eternal consequences, and then THEY PUT US BACK ON. What is the point of going through all that? This is why I say, “You can check out anytime you want, but you can never leave. ” Thanks, Eagles.
I came home tonight to a nice note from the Relief Society president, and a copy of the ward directory. Our ward GIRL leader wants to MEET with me. Hmmm. Says she has tried to meet me but I must be one BUSY LADY. Here is her note:
Hi Natalie~~I have tried several times to meet you, but you are one busy lady. I would love to get to know you & extend our love & support in whatever way you need it most!!!
Sister XXXXXXX has told me what a wonderful person you are. I will try later to say hi. Thanks, RS president (this was her name, but I’m not going to name her. )
This came with a ward directory, confirming that WE ARE MORMONS. We are all listed there. They appear to have corrected the error that had me listed TWICE, under my maiden name, with my daughter DD and a son named Robert that none of us can find. But folks? If you don’t want to be a Mormon anymore, shouldn’t you be allowed to leave?
Nope. If you are a Mormon, you are a Mormon for life. And so I have embraced this, much to the discontent of my many naysayers, those Mormon folk who think I have no right to WRITE about Mormonism. But guess what? As long as Mormonism EMBRACES me, I will EMBRACE IT. Sort of. I will tell you what I THINK about it, and they will probably tell you what THEY think. I have the right. They have the right.
Somebody pass the funeral potatoes.
Since I wrote this post, I have had further visitations, and not of the Joseph Smith “Holy-Hell-is-that-God-the-father- and-his-Son-Jesus Christ?” type visitations. It’s more of the knock on the door, and “Hi, we came to welcome Natalie to the ward” type visitations. Birdman stands there puzzled, because he KNOWS I had my name removed. He knows I got the letter that said they would remove me despite the DIRE ETERNAL CONSEQUENCES. He also knows I told him they never removed me. And so, here is proof.
My name is Natalie, and I am a Mormon. They will not let me go, so I’m going to embrace it.