DirecTV–Go DIRECTLY to hell….

If, by some chance, you are a DirecTV customer, you are probably aware they are having a fight with Fox over money. And channels. And how much to pay for those channels. They will try to tell you that Fox is being unfair, and Fox will tell you that DirecTV is being unfair, but what it all boils down to is that DirecTV customers will mostly likely be losing access to a whole slew of Fox channels, which is going to happen on November 1. Now, I know you can add, and even I can do the math, and this is a few days away.

The entire REASON we got DirecTV in the first place was so Birdman could watch the basketball games on Fox Sports. He also is addicted to all those reptile/killerfish/bigfoot shows on Nat Geo, and his newest love is the Rocket City Rednecks. In short, there won’t be much of a reason to watch TV come November 1.

Now, I understand that they might iron this out, but it most likely isn’t going to happen in the next few days.

And because we are on a budget, and our Internet service is NOT working like it should, we decided the first thing to go would be DirectTV.

Easy enough? Not so fast.

Apparently, signing a contract with DirectTV works a lot like selling your soul to the devil. In short, it may seem really cool at first, but when you decide you’ve had enough and want your soul back, well, they turn a little scary and try bribery and all sorts of other nefarious things until they resort to threats.

First, they try to offer you additional benefits to stay with them. They also PRY into your reasons for leaving, and ask if you are going to another provider, which is NONE OF THEIR DAMNED BUSINESS. The nice young man I fought with for about two hours asked me no less than four times who I was changing our service to, even though I told him it was none of his business.

They have a script they read, those minions, and so they don’t care how many times you tell them no. They will just continue to read the script, because there is a man standing behind them with a whip, and if they DEVIATE from the freaking script, the whip will go flying. Or it sure seemed that way. Not only that , but we went over and over, and over the same thing. Because it’s in the script.

The “supervisor” I got to talk to, when I finally got to talk to someone, admitted it was a script. And frankly, I’m not entirely sure he was the supervisor. He’s probably just the guy that sits next to the guy I was talking to, and my minion pretended it took 45 minutes to find a SUPERVISOR.

In between all this, they offer you free HBO, ten dollars a month off your bill, their firstborn child and various and other sundries to get you to STAY WITH DIRECTV. Despite the fact that DirecTV will no longer have the CHANNELS they promised you when you signed up. You don’t need those silly old Fox channels. Oh no. Instead, they will give you FREE HBO.  And my little minion kept emphasizing that the contract said they were not required to give us THOSE channels. Any old channel will do, as long as they are giving you a channel. Huh? Then what is the POINT of the premium packages? Or choosing your channels?

Have you BEEN to their Website? They make a pretty big deal out of how you can have everything you want if you just buy DirecTV, but just like with the devil, there is a CATCH. And not only that, but right on the site it says they are giving new customers THREE MONTHS of free HBO. They weren’t even giving me, their longtime customer, a good deal. Just THREE MORE MONTHS than a new customer. I understand this, of course. Cell phone companies have employed this tactic for years. But it doesn’t mean I have to take it, and it DOESN’T MEAN I HAVE TO PAY THEM $100 a month for channels I don’t want.

If, in reality, DirecTV can give me the 24-hour Polka Channel and call it good, why the hell are they pretending otherwise? This means they care not one iota about the customer, and that THIS IS ABOUT MONEY. The same thing they are claiming that FOX is trying to do to them.

I pointed this out to the minion, and it appeared to stun him for a second. Must not have been in the script. But truly, if they are trying to keep me, and tying me to a contract, over what I pay them, how are they different from Fox? They will DO ANYTHING, short of setting me free, to keep me as their customer. Sorta like the devil, as I pointed out before.

P.S. I do not want anyone’s firstborn child. I have enough children, thankyouverymuch. I also do not WANT free HBO. I want DirecTV out of my house, because I am paying $80 for the Polka Channel. (Okay, not really, but you get the idea.)

So, I had a two-hour fight with the minion, and about a 20-minute fight with the “supervisor” of the minion, and they cancelled my DirecTV but told me I was going to get billed the “cancellation cost” of $20 a month. In short, I will get a bill for $220 for the months I don’t have DirecTV, the company that cares SO MUCH ABOUT THE CUSTOMER that they are fighting with Fox to keep them from raising their costs, those money grubbing bastards.

Great customer service, DirecTV! Offer me free HBO for six months, and ten dollars off a month, and add that up, and put it on my bill as a credit, and we’ll be GOOD. Yes, I did suggest that, and YES, the idiot tried to tell me it was not the same thing. I think it is.

And if the DirecTV people try to get you to come over to the dark side, pray, or run like, uh, hell.


About Natalie R. Collins

Natalie has more than 30 years writing, editing, proofreading and design experience. She has written 20 books (and counting), has worked for the Sundance Film Festival, and as an investigative journalist, editor, and proofreader. She embraces her gypsy-heart and is following her new free-thinking journey through life. Follow her as she starts over and learns a bunch of life's lessons--some the hard way.
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