“Well see, here in Utah, we do things different, Ma’am.” Said in best western cowboy voice.
Yeah. (That was me, not the cowboy voice.)
Because while many of the thing we do here are different–things like putting carrots in green jello which is just yucky to the nth–we also have some pretty strange liquor laws. Minibottles used to be great, because the people making the laws don’t drink so they didn’t figure out that you get more alcohol from a minibottle then a measured drink. I mean FOR YEARS. We really had them fooled. I think it was that closet alcoholic Republican nutball from Orem who finally spilled the beans on that when he got caught drinking and driving. Yeah, let’s blame him.
But we still get… wait for it…. the Zion Curtain. And what is the Zion Curtain? It is an opaque partition that separates the person making the drink from the person waiting for the drink. NO REALLY. I can tell you are shocked. Or is that enthusiasm?
Why, you might ask? Opaque doesn’t mean you can’t see through them, and by God, YOU CAN SEE THROUGH THEM. It ain’t stopping any young impressionable junior watching a waiter pour mommy’s martini from seeing what’s up, dude.
From The Trib.
The change means servers at new eateries that serve only beer may not pop off a cap on a beer bottle or pull the tab on a can in view of customers. They must install partitions or build backrooms to store or pour beer with a 3.2 percent alcohol content by weight. Heavier beer is not allowed.
What a GREAT idea! Stellar! This law is sponsored by the Construction Workers United Local 666. And the makers of OPAQUE partitions. Or perhaps it is a desire to appear mysterious and magic-like. “In Utah, our beer OPENS ITSELF. Who needs a dog that fetches beer from the fridge? This is the priesthood at it’s FINEST.”
Do you really think the person who drinks the beer doesn’t realize that it was opened first? Trust me. They know.
Read this passage, and interpret it for me.
The restrictions are spelled out in two separate bills passed last spring and this summer. Language in the bills is confusing, and key lawmakers said Monday they’re unclear who spearheaded the effort to require partitions in beer-only eateries.
Rep. Greg Hughes, R-Draper, who spoke for one of the bills in the House, said he is not sure that the legislation “is what we envisioned it to be.”
The partitions “accomplish nothing,” Melva Sine, Utah Restaurant Association chief executive, said Monday. “This serves no purpose. This is the same beer that children see sold in hundreds of supermarkets and convenience stores throughout Utah.”
The partitions will be similar to those that hide bartenders mixing a full range of drinks in restaurants that opened after January 2010. Lawmakers approved that restriction in 2009.
The newer liquor control bills — SB314 and SB2002 — require patrons to order food with their beers, and effective March 1, 2012, none of the eateries may have beer sales that exceed 30 percent of their revenue.
This is even better. NOBODY KNOWS WHY. Not one soul.
Sen. John Valentine, R-Orem, who sponsored the legislation, said he does not agree that partitions should be installed at beer-only restaurants, but he included the provision to get the bill passed.
Senate President Michael Waddoups, R-Taylorsville, who supported backrooms to hide bartenders at restaurants serving wine and mixed drinks, said he did not push for partitions at beer-only restaurants — and he doesn’t know who did.
Waddoups suggested that Mothers Against Drunk Driving might have wanted the partitions, but MADD Utah chapter President Art Brown said he is unfamiliar with the requirement.
So, what do you think? Yeah, me too. Nobody knows WHY THE FUCK they are passing these stupid fuckwitted laws. Perhaps they are doing for my amusement.
“Well, see, ma’am, it made sense when we were talking about it in the bishopric meeting.”