So Birdman recently told me that he had made his relationship with the church and his parents VERY clear.
Uh huh. I thought I had done the same thing.
Then, as we talked about possible marriage plans, Birdman’s mom spilled the beans on all her secret hopes and dreams. “Are you planning on getting married in the temple? Is a bishop going to marry you? Didn’t you tell me you were coming back to the church?”
Yeah. That’s pretty much life in a nutshell as an ex-Mormon.
You never get to BE ex, you just get to be bitter. You get to carry an axe (or a chip on your shoulder, which is not better than an axe, really. Is it?), until you return to the fold. So you can either become a serial murderer (not that Birdman is a serial murderer, because he is not) or return to the church. I mean, if you’ve got an axe, you probably should use it, right? You’re probably going to want to use it when the damn Mormons won’t leave you alone, even though you asked to be LEFT ALONE. But you can’t do that to family.
So, we persevere. And shake our heads. And live our lives. And remember who “we” are.
Oh, and just FYI, calling your “WARD DIRECTORY” a “NEIGHBORHOOD DIRECTORY” does not fool us. We are well aware that you never intend to let us go. If you really want us, axe and all, come on over.
Love, Natalie and Birdman
P.S. You might get lucky enough to get a wedding invitation. Just don’t pull the Church card. Or wear white.