Always a child….

I’m sure this is not something that is endemic to Mormonism, but whenever you “go home,” you become a twelve-year-old again. In my experience, of course, this involves my parents coming BACK home, since I live in their house while they winter in Dixie.

This morning, I woke up for work and got up, then heard a gentle knock. My dad came in as I was dragging my butt out of bed, and he proceeded to question me about my new relationship. Now, really, this is okay. I mean, he’s my dad, he cares and he has a right. But at 6:00 in the MORNING? I can barely open my eyes. And I have to hurry to be to work by seven, a goal I rarely achieve because I don’t care what you say, this, folks, is the BUTT CRACK of dawn.

This morning my dad wanted to talk to me about my patriarchal blessing. Yeah, I did that. I don’t remember much about it, and didn’t even give it much weight back then, but apparently MY PARENTS read it often. They are still praying for the day I come to my senses, and back to church.

“Can I give you some advice?” my dad asks.

“Uh, okay, yeah. About what?” Remember, I am half asleep here. Maybe more like three-quarters asleep because my creative juices flow at night, and not in the early morning.

“There’s a saying, ‘When one door closes, another opens.'”

“Yes, yes. Why, I believe I had heard this saying before. I am familiar with it.” Is today cliche day? Did I forget to check the calendar?

“Well, I would just like you to remember that in your patriarchal blessing it said you chose your family. And I think that means you should probably listen to my advice.”

Um, okay. If you said this to me at nine, I probably would have told you a thing or two about patriarchy, and the damage it causes to people, but hell, folks, this was six a.m. I don’t mind advice, but if you are giving it to me at six a.m., you probably should realize it is not going to have much impact, and won’t sink in really well. I’m 47. If I chose you, and you chose me, shouldn’t you have figured that out by now?

So the advice was, when one door closes another opens. Good thing. Would suck to get stuck in a house with doors that won’t open or close.

I closed the door on Jackass and opened it to Birdman. Is this what I was supposed to get out of this? I’m not sure. New choices? New doors? Someone needs to learn to like coffee? Mornings are evil? I just can’t say what the message was.

I spent the rest of the morning pondering this. Still don’t have an answer. Love how your parents show back up and you become twelve again.

Next time we have a father/daughter talk, I hope it’s around noon.


About Natalie R. Collins

Natalie has more than 30 years writing, editing, proofreading and design experience. She has written 20 books (and counting), has worked for the Sundance Film Festival, and as an investigative journalist, editor, and proofreader. She embraces her gypsy-heart and is following her new free-thinking journey through life. Follow her as she starts over and learns a bunch of life's lessons--some the hard way.
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15 Responses to Always a child….

  1. worm says:

    I don’t find that I revert back to a teenager, but when I was away in the military, coming home was like coming back in time to the moment I left…a year, five years…no matter how long it had been…the minute I got back to Utah…I stepped through a time-warp.
    It took many, many, many visits before my parents and family realized that I wasn’t the same lost soul that went away to Basic Training…that I could think for myself, and had become a leader of men (actually mostly boys)…able to think independantly of what I was told to think.
    Yeah, it’s hard for them to let go of the idea that you won’t “come back”, but soon they realize…you were never there to begin with.


  2. Natalie says:

    I don’t agree. I don’t think they ever “realize it.” They just think you’ve gone astray. Why else would they keep trying, over and over, and over and over…..


  3. worm says:

    They still have their dreams…
    But eventually they do realize it’s not your dream…it doesn’t change their delusional perception of what is ideal…it doesn’t change their dream…
    But then, they believe in a religion that has no basis of fact, that makes grandiose claims of men being God…that in order to be in the highest kingdom one must encompass the belief of plural marriage, wear funny underware and submit to Blood Atonement…
    Come on…it’s their dream…there is no reality in dreams…


  4. Natalie says:

    Hmm. Okay, I find that hard to argue. You should be a lawyer or something….


  5. worm says:

    Funny, my fiance thinks I should too…taking my LSAT in June…


  6. Natalie says:

    Your fiancee must be smart.


  7. Cele says:

    Oh gracious, this made me think of my dinner tonight with ny mother and grandmother. Crap now I have to go blog. Natalie, pat your dad on the shoulder and say “I love you dad.” The times you get to do this are counted.

    and it will pacify him for a short while… at least enough time for you to wake up.


  8. worm says:

    Natalie, for those who haven’t read your books, weren’t raised in this culture or had a perfect childhood…they may not understand where you are coming from.
    With the new book you have coming out, they need to go back and read your other books, and check on your fan page on Facebook to see what is happening in your life.!/pages/Natalie-R-Collins-Fan-Page/114983648525167?v=wall&story_fbid=109713369071180

    just cut and paste to enjoy…


  9. Walrus says:

    I hate early morning conversations…the worst! Seriously…just because you’ve been up for 2 hrs doesn’t mean that I should have been. Lack of judgement.
    Advice…he was asking you about your relationship…probably doesn’t approve…when one door closes, another opens….if you were to close the door on the relationship, a door to another relationship would open…as it were, don’t hold on to a bad thing especially so if one of the main reasons is so that you won’t be single again, or are afraid you can’t do better.
    But if you really wanted to know what he meant,you would have provided more details, rather you just wanted to vent…which is understandable.


  10. kjourney says:

    I sent you an email about two weeks ago through the contact me button on your website. I was wondering if you happened to read it and if you had any thoughts.


  11. Hannnah says:

    OMG! dont post things like this.. im a Mormon and we are just being helpful you didnt have to answer the freakin door.. so get a life and dont waste your time putting rude posts your not accomplishing anything in life by doing this to Mormons, just thought i would let you know…


  12. Natalie says:



  13. worm says:

    Is that Hannnah Monntanna? Really, go back and read your articles of faith…Number 11. We claim the privilege of worshipping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, and what they may.
    What part of that as a Mormon gives you special privilege to take offense to Natalie’s well thought out belief system? What gave them the right to knock on her door? What makes two young men traveling together any less threatening than two gang members?
    As the name of the blog implies, there are those of us who feel trapped and persecuted for our beliefs that are outside of the cultural standard here in Utah. My family came across the plains with the first of the Mormon Pioneers…this land holds the bones of four generations of my forefathers all of whom have their beliefs in the LDS church…I fell from the fold…I was not a sheep, I asked questions, sought answers and was amazed by the lies told to me as a child. The guilt faced by friends, family and my children because they didn’t share that “testimony” has led to attempted suicides, suicides, adlulterous affairs, marriage of children, hushed adoptions and abortions. So don’t come to this blog, being “holier than thou” and attempt to suggest that those hypocritical well meaning members that pushed most of us into seeking the truth for ourselves…”are just being helpful”.
    Natalie continue what you do best, write thought provoking ideas, humorous experiences and topics of conversation that can be felt and shared by us ex-mormons without regard for the mormons that would have us follow blindly.
    And Hannnah, enjoy your enslavement to men, without whom by your teachings you can never reach the highest kingdom…and fear not, I’m sure if this is really that big of a sin, well my old friend Tommy Monson will be sending out the Denites for a Blood Atonement…but then a few of us will defend ourselves…and we go back to the same bloodlines (or is that bloodline in Utah) as the originator of this grand principle.


  14. Natalie says:

    Hey, Kjourney,

    I don’t think I received your email. Would love to chat. Can you email me again?


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