Things I really hate….

Our new friend Brandon thinks I hate Mormons. He is, of course, wrong. I don’t hate Mormons. I love many of them. Some of my best friends are Mormons, although they don’t always act very Christlike. Dealing with one of those right now. Sadness. BUT STILL, I love them.

What DO I hate? I shall share.

1. I HATE chocolate covered cherries. There is nothing worse than biting into a chocolate to discover a disgusting candied cherry and oozy, icky liquid. I don’t know who came up with this idea, but they NEED TO RETHINK IT. (Note: Natalie does not like cherries. It is a not completely irrational hatred, born of many years of eating and picking cherries as a youth.)

2. I HATE yogurt with fruit at the bottom. Who in the hell came up with this idea? Can you think of any OTHER thing you like to eat, all the way to the bottom, only to discover there is something down there, all lumpy and congealed. Does anyone even MAKE yogurt with fruit at the bottom? I sure as hell hope not. This was bad planning if there was ever bad planning. I do not like discovering things in my food. Thanks, but no thanks.

3. Fat on food. Yeah, those people that eat the fat like it’s a huge treat? No. Please do not come near me. Take your rubbery goo and go eat it elsewhere.

4. Speedos. PUHLEEZE. We women do not need to see the package. We like to be surprised. Okay, so it’s not always a PLEASANT surprise, but still… We do not want to SEE IT. Put it away until the appropriate time.

5. John Meyer. Come on, I’ve never even met the guy but he’s been inside half of Hollywood, and then BLABBED ABOUT IT to Playboy. Boy did they have fun with that one. He’s not even that cute. And he has no manners. He can sing. But he’s a he-whore with diarrhea of the mouth. Have to wonder how he gets songs out around that word-vomit he keeps spewing.

6. Sandals and black socks. Do I REALLY have to explain?

7. Dear man on the little girlie motorcycle, who flipped me off because I pulled into the lane of oncoming traffic a little bit late for your liking. Never mind that they just CHANGED that area to include two lanes, and used to be you would get SMASHED by oncoming traffic at five p.m. if you pulled out when the light was still red. Dear man? I hate you. Especially since you were driving your little girlie motorcycle, and wearing khaki pants, BLACK SOCKS, sandals, and no helmet. Dumb ass.

8. I hate spiders. End of story. Some day I will tell you the story of the hobo spider that came to play in my daughter’s drill bag. But not yet. I’m still trying to recover. I can’t talk about it without Valium. Neither can she.

9. I HATE putting worms on hooks, but I love fishing. It’s a Catch-22.

10. I HATE people who come to my door and ask me if I can give them money. Why yes, let me just hand over this 20 dollar bill that I just worked 1.5 hours to earn, so that YOU can go on your road trip with your friend. WHAT is wrong with you? Does your brain work? At all? Just wondering….

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About Natalie R. Collins

Natalie has more than 30 years writing, editing, proofreading and design experience. She has written 20 books (and counting), has worked for the Sundance Film Festival, and as an investigative journalist, editor, and proofreader. She embraces her gypsy-heart and is following her new free-thinking journey through life. Follow her as she starts over and learns a bunch of life's lessons--some the hard way.
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8 Responses to Things I really hate….

  1. WendyP. says:

    Ugh, I’m with you on the asking for money at your door. I’m really resenting my neighbor at the moment. He came by with a young scout and asked if we could help send him to camp. How do you say no to that with the kid standing right there? I felt tricked and strong-armed and I’m still fuming over it. I want my money back.

    Like

  2. tracy says:

    Wow. Are you me?

    1. Poke a hole in the bottom of each chocolate before you bite into it. Maybe sniff at it a little. Try to keep this hole poking as discreet as possible in case someone else wants to eat some. It’s really the only way to eat chocolates, that way you skip the shitful cherry and go straight for the caramel or toffee ones.

    2. Yoplait Custard Style. No surprising gaggy fruit bits and no surprising gelatinous mess on the bottom.

    3. Seriously.

    8. I don’t care if the spider is not hurting anyone, i want it DEAD.

    9. Salmon eggs. Marshmallows. Sparkly lures. Or a boy, the worm is definitely a boy job. I will gut a fish all by myself, but no way, no how can i get that worm on the hook. I actually dry heave.

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  3. Cele says:

    I use to make chocolate covered cherries at christmas. Soak a gallon of cherries in brandy for six months. Dip in powered sugar and then in chocolate. Then I had teenagers and the cherries disappeared before I could coat them.

    Vanilla yogurt.

    I’ll kill your spiders for you, if you doing something about my snakes.

    I use to love Mayer’s Waiting for the world to Change now I think it’s he who has to change. I don’t air his music if I have my way, Oh wait. I’m the PD – no John Mayer.

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  4. Justme says:

    I hate the boomy obnoxious thump from the music. I’m not particularly fond of the music either, but mostly it’s about the boom that invades my personal space. I also hate the dog barking. I don’t hate the dogs, but I do hate the noise. I don’t hate the neighbors. I hate that they allow their ill-behaved dogs to bark all day.

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  5. kjourney says:

    I seriously LOVE your blog, but as for what I hate I’d have to say folding laundry! I don’t mind sorting it, washing it, drying it, and dumping it all into a giant “clean clothes” bucket, but beyond that well I’d rather wake up with my head to sewn to the carpet.

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  6. Carl says:

    OK, Nat; You are quickly turning this blog site into a (excuse the term) – a cute little female insignificant bitch session. Truthfully, who cares about little things that annoy you? Speedos?!?! Pleeeez.

    Sorry to put it so bluntly Nat, but this past few months have been a huge downer here in Natalie land. We are used to intelligent, thought-provoking dialog, and instead are greated with bull shit like “Oh, I don’t like fruit in yogurt.” Give us an F-ing break and get back in the saddle.

    Carl

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  7. Natalie says:

    Hey Carl,

    Go back and read you will see this is not true. In fact, a few years ago I posted a very endearing photojournal called Calendar Kitty.

    See, this is my blog, and what you get is ME. I’ve been kind of busy writing a new book, but am trying to get back into the blogging saddle.

    So, tell me. What would YOU like to see me address?

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  8. Brandy says:

    I hate the booming music and neighbor dogs, both of which wake up the kids in my house!! I am all for making all outdoor dogs wear barking collars or some other device that will keep them from barking!! For all the teenagers/thugs and gangsters I really dont want to listen to your booming thumping music that shakes everything in my house, at midnight when most normal people are sleeping. I also hate when I am driving around and I cannot hear my music in my car with all the windows rolled up, but I can hear your music or at least the bass of your music. Please let me listen to my own music, if I wanted to listen to your music in my car I would ask you for the cd etc….

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