So today I took a walk, because Mother Nature has FINALLY decided to play nice and allow spring to come stay over for a bit. As I turned up 600 East, I spotted two Mormon missionaries a ways back. Now, common sense tells you that two young men would not approach a single woman at a gallop, just because things like GANG RAPE and MUGGING would run through your head, even in nice little old Kaysville.
Yeah, that’s common sense, and that and Mormonism really don’t go hand in hand.
So I hear these two young kids in suits running after me, and I almost turned around and screamed “I have a gun,” at them, but I don’t. I will soon, after I take my concealed carry class, and buy my pink gun (yes, it will have a pink handle. Anyone who has met me KNOWS I’m a girlie girl).
But at this point, I don’t, and these two 19-year-olds just came galloping up beside me and said, “How ya doing?”
The last time a male did that to me, he was trying to get to touch the goods without my personal permission, so I was not entirely happy with their approach.
“You should never run up behind a woman walking alone like that,” I said, a motherly scolding tone in my voice.
“But we’re missionaries.”
Hmm. And the day you put on your suit did your penis stop working? Is it THAT kind of magic suit? Yeah, we won’t go there.
“It doesn’t matter. What if I had a gun? I could have shot you.”
“But we’re missionaries.”
At this point, I am sensing a theme.
“Look guys, it’s just not a good idea. If you did this in New York or New Jersey, you would either be castrated or under arrest.”
Quieter companion blanched a little bit at that one.
“So, are you with our church?” This was louder, red-headed, obviously senior companion. Probably his idea to jog after me.
“Me? I probably know more about your church than you will EVER know.”
“Well, hey, let’s sit down and talk about it.”
At this point I stopped walking. “Look, let me make myself perfectly clear. Sitting around telling someone that what they believe is NOT true is not my thing. If it makes you happy, then be happy. I’m not going to tell you you are wrong.”
“Well, neither are we.”
“Do you believe you have the only true church?”
“Then you intend to tell me I am wrong, because I don’t believe that, correct?”
“Yeah, I thought so. Look, you are nice young boys. Have a nice day.”
At this point, we were passing a driveway where there was a garage sale, and they yelled out a happy HELLO to the lady selling her stuff and said a HAPPY goodbye to me. “Call us if you want an appointment.”
Yes, of course.