Families really DO come first

You know, everyone thinks I am this horrible heretic, and such a SINNER and apostate, but there are many things about Mormonism I admire.

For example, the emphasis on family. Families really DO come first, and it’s so cool to have family support and love. Unfortunately, and perhaps fortunately, for many, families end up taking all sorts of definitions on, since often “real Mormon families” cannot accept those who deviate from the accepted norm. Sometimes, families end up being those around you who really don’t care what kind of underwear you wear. They just love you.

For me? I love my family. I don’t really give a shit if you are gay, straight, tall, short (yeah, that’s most of us!), orange, yellow, black, brown, loud, quiet, round, oblong…. I don’t care. I love my family. I might not AGREE with your very strange (read Mormon) beliefs but I love you JUST the same.


About Natalie R. Collins

Natalie has more than 30 years writing, editing, proofreading and design experience. She has written 20 books (and counting), has worked for the Sundance Film Festival, and as an investigative journalist, editor, and proofreader. She embraces her gypsy-heart and is following her new free-thinking journey through life. Follow her as she starts over and learns a bunch of life's lessons--some the hard way.
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16 Responses to Families really DO come first

  1. Pingback: Don’t Touch That TV Screen! No, Really . . . I’m Serious . . . Don’t! | Real Tech Reports

  2. Kent says:

    Thankfully my family feels the same way about me and loves me despite what they perceive to be my strange beliefs.


  3. Miss O says:

    I have to disagree… I’m seeing more and more that families DON’T come first. What comes first is your calling duties, your service to other ward members, your extra organizing of church functions and so on. Too many dads are NOT home, ever!!!! And I’m seeing more and more with moms too in the church.

    But yes, the saying “Family comes first” is a very nice one. 🙂


  4. K*tty says:

    I agree Miss O. Families do come first in theory. Just don’t try using that as an excuse to get out of all the other stuff the church has in mind for you to do. Because that excuse does not fly. I can not believe, as I look back, on all the insane hours I spent in the church doing, for the most part, inane, senseless crap, usually for some other person’s child. Now that my children are grown. guess who really comes first? Yes, that’s right. ME.
    And that is a hard concept for most religions to wrap their mind around. Oh, okay, really my grandchildren are first, but then I am second. Wooo Hooo!


  5. Carl says:

    “Families come first” “Families are forever”

    Great concepts! “Love thy neighbor” “Do unto others…”

    Excellent marketing tools as well. Behind the scenes however, families truly aren’t forever. They are divided amongst the three degrees of glory in heaven, where parents can’t visit children and visa versa, unless they are visiting down a kingdom. That’s right. God doesn’t allow anyone to visit kingdoms higher up the ladder. But, you can always take a step down and visit lower levels.

    To a small child, “Don’t you want to be good and obey your parents, and live the commandments so that you can live with them and God forever?” “And, don’t be gay or you will certainly not be in God’s favor.”

    God is a vengeful man! He allowed the Lamanites to kill all the Nephites because they weren’t being faithful to his word. Then he got pissed at the Lamanites (as he did the Negroes) and turned their skin a dark color.

    Families are only forever if you go to the temple. Families only come first if you have finished all the other responsibilities that are heaped on you as an LDS member.


  6. Rick says:

    Carl, looking at what you said from an outside perspective, it all makes sense. When you (as a church) set up a system of rewards for certain behaviors, and make the rules stringent enough that you will need a third party intermediary (a church, or a “savior”) to make up for your shortfalls, you end up with a loyal, consistent following that pays “dues” for your survival.

    There is always the justification for the divisive nature of the church that “they could join us if they were just righteous enough….” That rationale makes them think it has nothing to do with them; the “righteous judgmentalism” is required by “God” to keep the flock safe.

    But we see through it, don’t we?!



  7. Carl says:

    Yeah Rick. Well said. What I find very puzzling is this; the golden rule paradigm carries the truth. Hell, most of the world cannot even learn to truly love fellow mankind. One would think that any superior being would have us work on this before burdening us with all the weird doctrine bullshit that religion throws at us.


  8. Kent says:

    As I always say, the golden rule is a pretty awful idea given most people’s self-loathing nature, why would I want to be treated the way they treat themselves?


  9. Justme says:

    Natalie, on this one I have to disagree. Families come first in Mormonism *after* the tithing is paid and *after* church obligations are met…only then family comes first, and in many cases, only if everyone in the family is Mormon, nonbelievers be damned. If you don’t carry a recommend, you aren’t worth the time…unless there is potential for conversion (or reconversion as the case may be).

    Who is righteous enough? Are you wearing the bloomers? Do you only partake of caffeine in it’s cold and bubbly form? Did you pay a full tithe before rent, food, and a warm winter coat for the child?

    How can Mormons claim family first when they exclude you from your own daughter’s wedding?


  10. Rick says:

    Oh come on, justme, you are MORE than welcome to attend the secret (I mean sacred) wedding of YOUR daughter. Just pay, pray and obey, and you can have the privilege of being a part of your daughter’s special day…

    Otherwise…well, it’s YOUR choice, you know!



  11. Natalie says:

    Well, I said the idea was good. I didn’t say it worked in practice….


  12. Tania says:

    Wow.. I have to disagree with you Natalie. Luckily my family was not an extremely active family so we would go waterskiing on Sundays together. When the bishop called my dad in and told him it was bad my dad’s response was “I spend more time with my family on the lake than separating for 3 hours in church.” Family does not come first in the Mormon church. The church is above all. Anyone who has gone through the temple knows this. I have witnessed first hand fathers who spend all their time with their callings and the family comes second. I cannot believe you drank the kool-aid.


  13. Carl says:

    “Families are forever”

    Great marketing line! Works too. Problem is; it might be true – it might not be. Who knows? Certainly not a paradigm to hang your hat on.

    I say; live, love, be true to yourself and others, and don’t promote fairy tales.


  14. debra drummond says:

    Dear Natilie,I am not a mormon.I am just a plain old Christian. I am not sure why i am writting you. I just read one of your books and my heart felt heavy for you and all that you have been through. I just want to say That God loves you 🙂 without one change just as you are right now. Let me say that i am not a religious person. I dont believe in religion.I believe in in Jeus and what he did for us on the cross setting us free from the law and over coming the grave. I believe we are accepted by God through him.I dont believe in earning salvation but i believe its a free gift from God for all who ask. M y friend i dont know you but i can feel Gods love for you. God bless you my friend and know someone here in cyberland is praying for you. hugs Deb


  15. Claire says:

    This family first and forever thing, unless a girl becomes pregnant without the benefit of marriage – encourage mothers to abandon their infants and then facilitate the transfer to strangers – also known as adoption.
    I don’t like religion, I don’t like adoption, – they are about the same to me.
    I have been catholic, been mormon and been pregnant without the benefit of marriage. It was more important that the father be a priest than my daughter have her father and her family.


  16. DUDE says:

    What is the Mormon law and etiquette on callings?. My wife’s home teacher said they are coming to ask my permission she “receive a calling” for an unpaid LDS Church job.

    What would happen if I said: “No you may not have my permission for her to take this calling” ? What if I said: “I need a week to think about it; if you can have my permission”?

    Not that I would but what would happen ?


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