Milk before the meat, or banana bread before sundown….

So, TONIGHT I came home to a strange lady in the living room, chatting up my 14-year-old, Dancing Daughter. Guess who she was? Just guess. Come on, you can do it. If you guessed the Avon lady, YOU.WERE.WRONG. No, apparently, she is the “Young Woman’s President.” And she was here to fellowship my daughter. Well, I don’t think she said fellowship. She said she just cared about her, and wanted her to know. They weren’t going to “bug her,” oh no, but “hey, BY THE WAY, we are going to see the Joseph Smith story down in Salt Lake tomorrow, and would you like to come.”

She may CARE about the child, but she damn straight doesn’t know her. Invite her to see a viewing of Twilight, and she’s in. Maybe even invite her over to the church, where there might be boys her age present, and you could possibly see her there. But a movie about Joseph Smith? Why yes, please, cut off both her legs and let her know that dancing will NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN. Dancing Daughter isn’t a dancer for nothing, and she is mighty quick on her feet. She managed to come up with the story that she had a drill practice on Wednesday nights, and wouldn’t be free. Now, see, she DOES have a drill team practice on Wednesday night, with the exception of TOMORROW, which is a Wednesday night. It was all I could do to keep from yelling out LIAR! You know, like Carol Kane does in the movie The Princess Bride?

But I didn’t, because I picked my side long ago, and if I turn traitorous on these children, I might find myself with constant visits from missionaries who have been told that I am REALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY interesting in knowing more about their church. Never mind that I know more about their church than most of them will ever know.

Plus I tried to leave about a million years ago, and was GREATLY unsuccessful.

They are stuck with me.

And the lady did not bring milk, or even meat to follow the milk, but she DID bring banana bread. Yum.


About Natalie R. Collins

Natalie has more than 30 years writing, editing, proofreading and design experience. She has written 20 books (and counting), has worked for the Sundance Film Festival, and as an investigative journalist, editor, and proofreader. She embraces her gypsy-heart and is following her new free-thinking journey through life. Follow her as she starts over and learns a bunch of life's lessons--some the hard way.
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6 Responses to Milk before the meat, or banana bread before sundown….

  1. WendyP. says:

    Haha…I’ve got my ward trained–it’s actually been okay. They KNOW my 13 year old will jump at any Young Women’s activity that involves food, sports or crafts. They also know if they are working on their Personal Progress books, going to a fireside, or seeing the Joseph Smith movie, the girl just isn’t interested.

    My daughter was asked to the Joseph Smith movie and I told her she could go and report back to me just how many wives Joseph had in the movie. Then I told my two daughters about polygamy. Good times.


  2. azteclady says:

    Welcome back, Natalie! We’ve missed you.



  3. Cele says:

    missed you lots and lots.


  4. Rick says:

    …and lots more!


  5. Natalie says:

    Ah, you guys are nice. I have been kind of MIA, but promise to post more.


  6. Jesse says:

    why didn’t you just tell your daughter to tell the truth? You need to take a class in being assertive.

    It is much easier for both parties if you just say thanks but not thanks. It sounds like you are trying to say no but your actions and body language are not congruent with your message.

    It sounds to me like you enjoy these visits and don’t really want them to stop. You are like the girl who is courted by a guy she doesn’t like but will never tell him to stop.


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