I haven’t posted much lately because, well, I haven’t had much to say. Plus, I’ve been writing this book that is killing me, slowly, and I am wondering why it has to be so painful? But that’s for another blog post.
There’s certainly plenty to talk about. In about a month, our very progressive governor (God BLESS you, Jon Huntsman) will see a NEW ERA come to Utah. The Alcohol Era! Okay, not that, but at the least, modern times. No longer will those wanting a drink need to find a private club, fill out an application, give away your newborn and promise to wear Jesus Jammies every day for the rest of your life–after this one, of course.
No, folks, Utah is entering the real, modern world, and private clubs are NO MORE. I guess clubs will just be bars now, except they can serve REAL drinks, not just beer, and you don’t have to buy food to get it. I think.
I haven’t really researched this law, because I don’t go to BARS or clubs, because I am old and boring, and I am trying to write a book that is SLOWLY KILLING ME, but that’s another subject. Did I already say that?
One thing that this change means to me is that I AM RIGHT. Yes, I have been right all along. The day I was driving home from my daughter’s school, and I saw FOUR women IN A ROW wearing sleeveless tank tops, I knew the tide had turned. Oh yes. See, you can’t hide the Jesus Jammies under a sleeveless tank, and this was in my own little town, always known for it’s conservative nature and Mormon bent. But the truth is, no matter how much Todd rails and moans on my blog (Todd and I went to high school together, in this same little town of which I speak), reality is stepping in.
You can only brainwash the masses for so long, and quite honestly, when the late Gordon B. Hinckley became the President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, he headed things in an entirely different direction. President Hinckley was the consummate PR man, and he could spin like no other. And one thing he really wanted was for Mormons to be seen as mainstream Christians.
No more “Peculiar” tags for him. That whole Mormons being a peculiar people thingie was a great anathema to Hinckley. I admit I did not grow up wanting to be peculiar, so I get that.
But there can be no doubt that Hinckley was instrumental in ushering in this new era of drinks. Cheers!
Another thing that is gone is called the “Zion curtain” and it is the STUPIDEST thing I have ever seen in my life. The “curtain” ensured that a bartender in a restaurant could not serve a drink across a bar, and INSTEAD had to walk it around. Who thinks UP these things? Gayle Ruzicka?
What’s next? A Baskin Robbins with an electric shock system so you can’t order the high fat ice creams? Oh wait. This is Utah. That wouldn’t happen.
Anyway, the Zion Curtain manufacturers are going to be put out of business.
Before Todd and the morals police get all bent out of shape, I just want to point out that the new laws were a “tit for tat” kinda deal.
In exchange for loosening the liquor laws, the state’s drunken driving laws will become more strict. People who appear younger than 35 will have their driver’s licenses scanned before entering a bar to make sure they’re 21 or older and their ID is real.
Once upon a time, when I was not legally old enough to drink, but had entered the land of college, real life, parties, and teenagers who were up to no good, I had a fake ID. It was, I am sad to say, a Salt Lake Tribune ID. And that fake Tribune ID got me into a damn lotta bars. One time, it got both ME and my friend Lisa into the Cowboy Bar in Park City, back when there was a Cowboy Bar, and Park City was smaller and not quite so trendy and expensive. And law abiding. That would NEVER happen now. Nosiree. Kiddies, do not get any ideas.
Also, please do not blame the folks at the Trib. Blame Clark. He’s the one who showed me how to do it. Or maybe Doug. He helped. And Rod was egging me on the WHOLE time. Let’s blame them. But things were different then. Today, I couldn’t get my OLD SELF into a bar with a fake work ID. (The work was not fake. Only the age on the ID.)
This past weekend I went with a friend to dinner, to a local Applebees, and having had the week from hell, I ordered a glass of wine. They NOT ONLY asked for my ID, and they meant REAL ID, but after the waitress scanned it, she called the MANAGER over to check it, too. Uh, folks? I’m on the far side of 40, and while I’d like to be flattered, I’m not that dumb.
Things have changed. And I’m sure it’s good. But things have changed for the positive, too. Adults can be adults in Utah, for the first time.
I applaud the changes.