Dear Natalie….

I think I shall become an advice columnist for the Trapped. Don’t you think “Dear Natalie,” has a certain ring to it?

I just received THIS comment on my blog.

scott Says:

January 7th, 2009 at 10:43 am

I recently tried to get an unceiling. After almost 2 years my stake president keeps screwing up, trying to blame my wife and I for things he should of easily seen on the form for the unceiling. You ever wonder why the church pushes ppl to go on missions and positive aspects but when it comes to a negative aspect like an unceiling so I can marry my wife in the temple which the church talks about, they drag there heels cause they don’t want the negative imagine on them. I talked to my folks about this and surprisingly they side with the stake president. Do you have any solutions or comments you can help me out with this?

Um, Scott? You do realize who you are asking here, right? I mean, I just want to make sure you KNOW who I am. You do?

Okay.

Dear Scott:

One word. PUBLICITY.

See, the problem is that some stake presidents are good, and will do what is needed, and others think it is their duty to drag their feet and NOT do what is needed, because you should have stayed married to the OLD wife. You know, that “for time and all eternity” thingie. If you have one of THOSE, the only thing that is going to get things moving is to call attention to your plight. Call the Church HQ. Write a letter to the Salt Lake Tribune. Don’t bother with the Desperate News. It will not get printed.

What you NEED is to get this stake president’s attention. Back when I was trying to resign my membership, oh so many years ago, I threatened to dance NAKED on my bishop’s lawn, because neither HE OR the stake president could be bothered to return my calls or answer my letters.

The “naked” threat got some action, but only temporarily. Because after I received the whole “you have been removed” letter, along with the threat of “eternal consequences,” they just PUT ME RIGHT BACK on a few years later.

At that point, I realized there was no point. Why fight it? I wasn’t going to win, and the only victory would be a moral one, at best. If you so desire, you can read all about it here.

Soooo, if you really think you need to be “sealed” to your new wife in the Mormon temple, and “unsealed” from the old one, I suggest you scream: LOUD. Make them hear you.

Next?

Name: Ummm Hellooo?!!? | E-mail: hottygirl611@xxx.xxx

Ok so she is LDS.. Big deal! I find it so fasanating that everyone titles her as a mormon writer and not just a writer.. For everyone’s information her last book beat out Harry Potter for the number one spot so obviously she is an extremely great writer. Also I wonder if all of you people judge other writers on their religions?? and as far as her using metaphors in the book that have to do with mormonism.. Well duh! What is the big efin deal?? She is LDS.. Most good writers take things from their own life for inspiration. So why doesn’t everyone just stop being so ignorant and get over it? I mean honestly

Dear Hotty Girl,

I realize you are writing in reference to one of the posts I wrote on mega-author Stephenie Meyer and her extremely successful Twilight series, Twilight movie, Twilight mania, etc. I’m not exactly sure what your point is here, because I don’t believe there was any judging being done. I find it very interesting that Stephenie Meyer is a believing Mormon, which makes for interesting discussion, but certainly doesn’t cloud my judgment regarding HER ability. I personally found the books boring, but I am LONG out of my teens, and Dancing Daughter ADORES the books, the movie, that creepy Pattinson guy, etc. I sing Stephenie Meyer’s praises. She is GETTING kids to read!

All hail Stephenie Meyer.

Happy? Good. I’m here to serve.

Name: Mormons Are Christian | E-mail: Mormons_Are_Christian@earthlink.net | URI: http://MormonsAreChristian.blogspot.com

You would be so lucky as to be “trapped by the Mormons”

For futher information, read

http://www.MormonsAreChristian.blogspot.com

Dear Mormons are Christian,

Wow, how arrogant of you. Thanks for sharing your “Christian perspective.” I’m sure that your little statement there is really going to underscore your claim.

The LDS Church is going to be knocking on your door, soon, Brother Mormon/Christian, because YOUR support is exactly what they don’t need. I suggest a bit of reality. Spend some time feeding the homeless, or volunteer at a homeless shelter or visit a third-world country.

In short, you need a reality check. What is REAL is that we are all human beings, and your God is no better than my God. However, I don’t think my God will want to duke it out with YOUR God, because that would involve violence and force.

Stop being stupid, and live by example instead.

Love to all,
Natalie

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About Natalie R. Collins

Natalie has more than 30 years writing, editing, proofreading and design experience. She has written 20 books (and counting), has worked for the Sundance Film Festival, and as an investigative journalist, editor, and proofreader. She embraces her gypsy-heart and is following her new free-thinking journey through life. Follow her as she starts over and learns a bunch of life's lessons--some the hard way.
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8 Responses to Dear Natalie….

  1. Jen says:

    Is anyone else bothered by the glaring grammatical and spelling errors in the comments left on this blog? Here’s a tip: if you want to defend your cult online, how about you make yourself NOT seem like a total moron? A basic 7th grade education should do it.

    Like

  2. K*tty says:

    Scott, I can’t seem to get a grip on what the wailing and gnashing of teeth is all about. You want to marry your second wife in the temple. Isn’t that the plan, to rack up as many as you can? I would feel sorrier if your first wife was complaining that she couldn’t get un-sealed, so that she could marry in the temple. Now that would be a problem. You however, can marry your second wife, no matter what. Your first wife is the one screwed, metaphorically speaking.

    Like

  3. justme says:

    Regarding the first letter, I immediately thought it was some snarky email because for the life of me I couldn’t figure out why in the world someone would “want” to remove their ceiling, would need to fill out a form and ask the bishop for permission, and write Natalie concerning the drama surrounding it. It dawned on me at some point…un-SEALING. Dang, us nevermos can be so dense sometimes! I’m laughing at myself a little that phonetically it still didn’t click.

    The Mormons don’t accept any other baptisms from any other faiths as valid, even when those religions are considered Christian…so what’s the deal on this whole Christian thing?

    Like

  4. Stephanie says:

    Quote: “We shall pull the wool over the eyes of the American people and make them swallow Mormonism, polygamy and all.” ~Brigham Young, 1875

    Yeah, that totally sounds Christ-like.

    Quote: “A belief in the doctrine of the plurality of wives caused the persecution of Jesus and his followers.” ~Jedediah M. Grant, Second Counselor to Brigham Young

    Um, that’s not the Jesus that Christian churches teach about. The Bible doesn’t say anything about Jesus being married, and it DEFINITELY doesn’t say anything about him being polygamous. No Christian church I’ve ever been to has ever mentioned anything about this.

    If the LDS church wants to market itself as Christian, its gators need FULL DISCLOSURE on the beliefs it holds that have nothing to do with mainstream Christianity- Kolob, Joseph Smith’s occult practices (seer stones? Animal sacrifices? Magic glasses? Really?), the fact that polygamy went on for a good 15-20 years after it was outlawed (and no, not just the pre-1890 marriages, plenty of “celestial marriages” took place after 1890), Smith’s money digging and treasure hunting, his conviction for being a con-man, the Mountain Meadows massacre, the true history of the church- not the sanitized version it tries to pass off.

    Oh, but wait:

    Quote: “I have a hard time with historians because they idolize the truth. The truth is not uplifting; it destroys. I could tell most of the secretaries in the church office building that they are ugly and fat. That would be the truth, but it would hurt and destroy them. Historians should tell only that part of the truth that is inspiring and uplifting.” ~Boyd K. Packer, 1976

    So, lie to make yourself look good. Sounds like a total Christian value to me…Oh, wait…

    Like

  5. Natalie says:

    Oh I love it. LOL. The quotes are so very damning.

    Like

  6. Melissa says:

    Okay, I enjoy the Twilight books, but let’s be a little more realistic about Stephanie Meyer’s ability to best Harry Potter.

    The three Twight books put together have sold 5.3 million copies in the US. The final book in the Harry Potter series presold 1.5 million copies andthen sold 11.5 million in the first ten days.

    Stephanie Meyer’s book did indeed bump HP Book 7 from #1 on some lists… but it did so after HP had already sold those millions.

    Even JK Rowling’s non-HP books outsell the Twilight books. Beedle the Bard sold 367,625 copies in it first three days of release. The record for the Twilight series was 32,000 in six days.

    I loved the Twilight books (although I agree that Edward is a creepy stalker). I think Meyer has been amazingly successful, shall continue to be amazingly successful, and deserves to be so! I’m not trashing her in any way. But to compare her to Rowling based on sales is just ludicrous. Not even close.

    Like

  7. Very good site! Excellent information on this site, I highly recommend it to anyone who wants to learn.

    Like

  8. km says:

    I have a word of advice for getting kicked out: tell them you’ve done something really, really sinful and they might just excommunicate you. I’ve been happily excommunicated for some time. It’s a wonderful, relaxing feeling.

    Like

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