Billy's Plan

God was troubled. He watched as his Earth spun and spun and felt removed from it all.

Billy sat by him, watching casually.

“So XY, what’s your deal? You got what you wanted. I mean, even mom didn’t think this goo experiment would turn out so well.”

God shrugged. “I dunno. I feel so unnecessary now, you know? Like I have a terrarium and the snakes figured out how to grow mice. No one talks to me anymore.”

“What are you talking about? All they DO down there is talk to you.” Billy began in a nasally, whiny voice, “’Oh God you’re so great, oh God you’re so good. Oh God my pants are on fire, tell me what to do’….”

“You know as well as I do they aren’t talking to me, Billy.”

“Well they sure as gehenna aint talking to me. Except that weird guy in Babylon…”

“There’s that word again.”

“What? ‘Gehenna’? Kinda catchy, isn’t it?”

“Yeah but all they do is talk about it. That and the other one…what do they call it?”


“Yeah, except mom clocked me for that one.”

“Yeah, she hates that word.”

“So I just let it go, then? Just see what they do to Earth and watch?”

“You could get a meteor–“

“Bil-ly! We tried that one, remember?”

“Well it’s a good, you know, final solution…”

“No Billy.”

“Want me to go down there? You know, wreak some havoc? Create some mayhem?”

“No, no,” God waved at him, “they’re good enough at doing that themselves.”

“What about that Jesus kid? You ever gonna talk to him? He is yours, in a way.”

“I do talk to him. And anyone else I come across.”

“Oh, like when you do that little cross-dressing thing–“

“It’s not cross-dressing, Billy, jeez! You know how they are! If I went down there like I am, they’d throw big rocks at me.”

“Yeah. Intolerant little creatures, aren’t they?”

“Hey that isn’t my fault.”

“No need to get defensive, XY. But they are pretty intolerant. You have to admit it.”

“I know. Maybe I should make more of them like me. Or like Adam. Or like that chick Barb…”

“I don’t know. They all still think being different is uncool. I think you ought to stop making any more altogether and let them fight it out.”

“That’s your solution to everything Billy. No, I’m going to keep sending the good vibes to them and see where that takes us. ”

Billy rolled his eyes. He was more of a doer.

“You ever talk to Mary any more?”

“No. She’s all into Joseph. They’ve had, like four other kids.” XY shrugged.

“Yeah, I know. Maybe it’s time to find yourself another girl…”

“No, I’m not really feeling that. I’ve been writing a lot of poetry, lately, trying to figure stuff out. You wanna hear my newest ones?”

Billy winced. If he had to listen to one more existential poem about the meaning of ‘everything’ and ‘nothing’, he would puke.

“Uh, I’ve got a thing I’ve gotta do….”

“Okay. Well anyway, thanks for the talk, Billy. See ya.” Billy shook his head. XY had been very moody lately and the fact that he’d taken to wearing all black probably didn’t help. Mom said it was a phase. Billy wasn’t so sure. XY was certainly not the brother Billy had hoped for.

“You can count on me, bro.”

“I told you; don’t call me that.”

“Okay, sorry XY. SO what are you if you aren’t a bro or a sis?”

“I just AM, okay?”

Billy fumed. XY was getting even a bigger head than normal. Billy mumbled under his breath, “’I just AM. I AM’. What a conceited little…hhmm.”

A thought struck him. He realized that if XY could hop down on Earth and wander around, he could do it, too. And Billy had to admit; XY’s little experiment had really become his experiment, too. And Billy, as usual, was getting antsy. Plus, it seemed like XY needed something to do–some meaning to it all. Billy, as always, wanted to help. And there was an added bonus.

Billy thought about the Earth’s inhabitant’s penchant for mythology. Gabriel had started something with his match-making of XY and Mary, and Billy decided maybe it was time to play on that theme a little more. See, there weren’t many rules in the universe, but there was one Billy knew and knew very well: when a creation becomes one in mind and heart, they become like him, and like his mother and like XY. They literally become ONE. Billy was once a creation like Earth himself.

Billy decided his nephew, Jesus would be the primary player in his scheme to unite the Earth. Once united, the thingy’s will transcend their reality and Billy will have a new entity with which to play. An entity a lot more fun than XY. Maybe even a brother.

“Now,” he thought, “how can I get all of these thingy’s to believe in one thing, on cause and create love?”

He watched his nephew through the magic mirror climb up the side of a hill. Jesus turned suddenly, as if someone had tapped him on the shoulder, and his gaze rose to meet Billy’s.

Billy was stunned. Could the kid see him? He touched the mirror and Jesus raised his hand to meet it in the air.

Billy smiled and nodded. “I can help you,” he said aloud to the mirror.

To his surprise, Jesus nodded back, “I’m counting on it.”


About Natalie R. Collins

Natalie has more than 30 years writing, editing, proofreading and design experience. She has written 20 books (and counting), has worked for the Sundance Film Festival, and as an investigative journalist, editor, and proofreader. She embraces her gypsy-heart and is following her new free-thinking journey through life. Follow her as she starts over and learns a bunch of life's lessons--some the hard way.
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4 Responses to Billy's Plan

  1. You would be so lucky as to be “trapped by the Mormons”

    For futher information, read


  2. Natalie says:

    Ah, that good old Mormon arrogance again. And you wonder why people find Mormons so offensive? Bot? You ain’t helping the cause….


  3. JulieAnn says:

    I was lucky that way, Bot. I felt so lucky to be trapped by the mormons. Trapped by guilt, trapped by lies, trapped by misogyny, trapped by manipulation, trapped by petty, intolerant people like you, trapped by an imaginary being who was so moronic that he would choose a con man to bring “the one and only true church” to the Earth.

    I sure miss the arrogant, conceited attitudes of members like you. Refreshing to see you’re still around.

    But you know, I don’t have any of the above mentioned stuff anymore, and darn it all if I don’t feel even luckier.

    Or should I say “blessed”?


  4. Ann Mere says:

    Mormons love to judge and condemn other people who are not mormon.
    My niece just sent me a 5 page email telling me about all my sins.
    I admitted that I am a sinner, forgiven by God, but she is still berating
    me. How unfortunate that she doesn’t see her own sinfulness–pride being
    a major one. I am so blessed by God to know the Biblical Jesus as my
    Lord and Savior. Praise be to God for his grace and mercy.


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