We Interrupt This Blog For An Important Announcement

Courtesy Nazarene Middle School

According to the Nazarene Gazette, Jesus, 12, son of Mary and Joseph, has disappeared.

He was last seen in the New Testament, around the beginning of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.

Jesus’ mother, Mary makes a desperate plea: “Please, if you see my baby, send word to: 44 Miracle Lane. We’re the second dwelling on the left.”

The boy is reported to have dark skin, black curly hair and brown eyes, and sometimes sports a halo. He was last seen wearing old Jerusalem-cruiser sandals, a white and blue robe, and carrying a sand colored satchel.

If seen, please report to the Nazarene or Galilean authorities.

One bezah of frankincense and an ephah of myrrh have been offered as a reward.

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About Natalie R. Collins

Natalie has more than 30 years writing, editing, proofreading and design experience. She has written 20 books (and counting), has worked for the Sundance Film Festival, and as an investigative journalist, editor, and proofreader. She embraces her gypsy-heart and is following her new free-thinking journey through life. Follow her as she starts over and learns a bunch of life's lessons--some the hard way.
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13 Responses to We Interrupt This Blog For An Important Announcement

  1. Janie says:

    Wait a minute! The only pictures of Jesus I have seen in LDS homes are of some blond dude with light skin. What’s with this middle eastern look?

    Like

  2. Cele says:

    Oh, I’ve seen that dude!

    Like

  3. azteclady says:

    Lemme think… mmmm…

    Like

  4. Roth says:

    I know for a fact that this announcement is false — and in the most evil way. I saw that kid’s face on a milk carton the other day. You borrowed that picture from a milk carton, didn’t you.

    Like

  5. Kelly says:

    Hi All,
    When I posted about how science through genetics has
    traced how mankind spread out across the planet. Good ole
    LaminToddite posted about you can’t trace it because of
    evidence using a mothers DNA. When I brought up that
    it was the male Y gene that allowed science to follow generations
    of people there was no response because it’s true and there’s no
    one out there in the science community, other than LDS apologists,
    that dispute it.
    So seeing how mankind started from the plains of Africa and moved
    up into the mediteranean area it stands to reason that the peoples
    of that area would be dark complextion.
    Now let’s take it one step farther. If God did place a curse upon
    Cain doesn’t make sense that if he wanted his decendents to have
    a marked placed upon them so they would stand out amongst the
    locals so to speak. It seems to me that a person with blue eyes and
    blond hair would be that person. So are all us honky, cracker asses
    the true decendents of Cain and up until 1978 the one and only true
    church was denying the true decendents of Able their claim on
    God’s restored covenant.

    Kelly

    Like

  6. Roth says:

    Kelly,

    How is DNA going to help us find Jesus? Didn’t you read the post? He’s lost.

    Like

  7. Roth says:

    P.S. Your argument makes no sense. You can’t argue Cain and Abel and science in the same breath. Consistency will win more arguments than confusion. Illogic is as distasteful in a non-believer as a believer.

    Like

  8. Kelly says:

    Roth,
    I agree that Cain and Able, science. Adam and Eve,
    make no sense. So who or what do we believe? Science
    or fairytales. The religous right wants to mix the two.
    Case in point humans walked the earth with dinosaurs.
    So if the BOM says there was huge cities on the east
    coast of N. America during the time of Christ. Then I can
    say blond, blue eyed honky’s are the true decendents of
    Cain. Plus I can back up my statement with science.
    If ya’ll believe in the Cain & Able BS.

    Kelly

    Like

  9. JulieAnn says:

    So far, you’ve all been VERY unhelpful…..*sigh*

    Like

  10. Roth says:

    Just checked out Temple Square — lots of pretty lights, but no one with dark skin.

    And Kelly — it is Christmas, which will be swell if we can all only find Jesus. So everyone keep looking.

    I understand that you are wee bit bitter, but you really think invective is the best way to combat the man/dinosaur contingency (something I never heard in Mormonism by the way.) My point is you lose all credibility when you are as fanatical your imagined opponent.

    Like

  11. JulieAnn says:

    Like he’d be in Temple Square. Sheesh. Hello, he’s got to be somewhere in South America. Oh, that’s later. Ummmm, ooh! Let’s look in Kathmandu. Just for fun.

    Like

  12. Natalie says:

    Jesus is missing? I swear I saw him on Facebook the other day….

    Like

  13. K*tty says:

    Wow, unless I am just plain not getting it, this is just a parody of when Jesus went to the temple when he was 12 and his parents didn’t know where he was. Member? When they found him, he told them he was about his Father’s business. Janie, there is a quote in the Old Testament that describes Jesus. It pretty much says he is average looking and not handsome, so as not to distract from his mission. It is just like when they are making a movie and the actor or actress is 10 times better looking than the person the story is based on. We love beautiful people and piercing blue eyes. It’s hard to do that with brown. Also there is the Moron rumor that one of the prophets said a certain picture that they have, looks the closest to Jesus. I am not privy to which one it is. Kelly, I love the Cain idea and the blue eyes. Now that would stand out, just like a blonde in the Holy Land. “Don’t it make my brown eyes, bluuuuuue.”

    Like

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