BYU–raising sanctimonius asses up right!

Some students in the dark nether region of Utah known as Happy Valley–aka Utah County–have FINALLY figured out how people make babies. And they are pretty steamed about it. I understand. The first time I heard the story I was pretty disbelieving myself. “You put WHAT WHERE?”

But enough is enough, I mean REALLY. Pornography at Gold’s Gym? Who woulda thunk it? (Hear that thundering herd? That’s all the Trappees rushing out to get a membership.) Apparently, they are up in arms about music videos and movies shown at the Gold’s Gym that is close to BYU.

Dallen Johnson says, “I’ve had to leave, honestly! There have been four times I’ve run out of the cardio cinema because of racy and inappropriate things being shown, things I personally view as pornography.”

Jesse Yaffe says, “Once you are a member here, you basically don’t have the choice anymore. You’re forced to watch indecent material because it seems everywhere you go there’s a TV. They’ve got the Gold’s Gym membership network, and certain videos they play are extremely indecent, and some are outright pornography.”

I would like to finish writing this blog post, but every time I read these comments I break out into peals of loud, guffawing, unattractive laughter.

Honestly! He had to RUN OUT of cardio cinema FOUR TIMES? I would think his cardio would be, um, elevated to an even more intense level. Dallen is a SLOW LEARNER. I have to KEEP GOING BACK because I just can’t believe how APPALLING all this is… Dallen should take his sanctimonius little self back to cardio cinema and get a REAL education, because it might help him to understand exactly HOW to remove that STICK that is lodged up his wazoo.

And Jesse? Oh, Jesse, I’ve been there. I understand the whole “once you become a member you have no choice.” But see, YOU? You have a choice. DON’T watch. That’s a choice.

It’ll be interesting to see if Gold’s Gym becomes God’s Gym, and caves to the pressure…

And this? This was my favorite. It’s their FOURTH demand….

*Install blinds on the aerobics room to block the dancing, which is very provocative.

Muwwahhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. By all means, because YOU can’t control yourself, please, let’s make sure that no WOMAN provokes you. Do these idiots not realize how stupid they sound? Of course not…


About Natalie R. Collins

Natalie has more than 30 years writing, editing, proofreading and design experience. She has written 20 books (and counting), has worked for the Sundance Film Festival, and as an investigative journalist, editor, and proofreader. She embraces her gypsy-heart and is following her new free-thinking journey through life. Follow her as she starts over and learns a bunch of life's lessons--some the hard way.
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20 Responses to BYU–raising sanctimonius asses up right!

  1. kd says:

    There is a very successful franchise called Curves that exists because women don’t like exercising in meat markets. One can make the argument that the women who prefer the comfortable atmosphere of Curves to the testostosterone laden atmosphere of Gold’s Gym are prudes.

    I wouldn’t try making that argument. I am scared that the Curvists might come and beat me up.

    Anyway, this thing where businesses have walls covered with large flat screen TVs is bound to start bringing a lot of issues about the content shown on the TVs.

    We are likely to start seeing a large number of walls in public places covered with flatscreen TVs trying to pump manipulative images at us.

    There should be public debate about the content of big screen TVs shown in public areas.


  2. George says:

    I agree, people should really know what cardio means…. Hahahahaha And if not blinds at least a glass wall for cardio worked out men… hihihi What’s next? Stop selling or reshape bananas in local supermarkets?


  3. notpotable says:

    The funny part is that I’m certain what’s being shown on their TVs are things that normal, socially-adjusted people wouldn’t consider “pornographic” at all. OH NOES some bare flesh or tight clothing! *Mormons* don’t dress like that, so anyone who *does* is sinful.

    Complaining about women dancing is a nice touch… I’m surprised they aren’t also complaining about “scantily-clad” men and women exercising in general, though – or maybe the Gold’s Gyms in Utah have dress codes.


  4. azteclady says:

    You know, notpotable’s comment brings up a question I’ve been asking myself for a while. Just WHAT do mormons wear when exercising? ’cause I would think the ah… church approved undies would definitely show if worn under pretty much any sports apparel outside of sweat pants.

    Wait, did I just answer my own question?

    Well, then, how can aerobics classes be provocative when everyone is wearing SWEATS?


  5. Cele says:

    After I read this post, and while I read the comments I started laughing. It just goes to show that some people really do sensor what the watch at home. Mtv and VH1 are national channels, TNT amd Bravo national channels and these guys are offended. It’s their right to be offended, from their viewpoint it’s porn, the rest of us know it isn’t, but gosh sometimes I think it should be rated X. It underscores the thought that it really isn’t one world.


  6. Renee says:

    Further proof, if I needed it, to prove to my family and friends I live in one of the weirdest places on the planet…sheesh.


  7. Elaine says:

    Interesting that the article never really says what these folks find “racy and inappropriate”, but just reports that they want R and PG-13 films banned at the gym. I’d love to know exactly what it is they’re objecting to…some description of behavior or the names of actual movies or tv shows or videos that have sent these folks screaming in horror to their nearest media outlet.

    I’m thinking these are the kinds of folks who won’t be happy until they force us back to the time before Lucy and Ricky Ricardo shoved their single beds together and they had to say that Lucy was “expecting” or “with child” but could not refer to her as “pregnant”.


  8. blanche Harris says:

    i think that Jesse needs to come out of the closet. its obvios to anyone that he is a raving homosexual. also these people in Utah need to be burned on the steak. this is the world we live in and if you dont like it move to the out back. i dont like the sexual undertones of these videos but its considered main stream and if it is so shocking to the 80% of the gym memebers they should all be neutered so they dont breed and bring children into this environment. actually its better that they are nutured so there will be no more hieous folk like this in the world. shame on you jesse try you’ll find a mate there…promise


  9. Natalie says:

    Uh, Blanche? What is obvious to ME is that Jesse is a raving IDIOT. I don’t think sexuality measures in at all, except he is trying to deny he has any human tendencies at all….


  10. azteclady says:

    I know it’s a cheap shot but… I don’t want any steak burning either. I really don’t.


  11. Andrew says:

    Okay! Okay! When will John Huntsman jr. our ace gunner of a govenor require all women both visiting and resident to wear burkas. Wait a second i stated govenor i mean the leader of the state Gordon B. Hinkley (The Prophet……Ha HA Ha of Bull Shit)!


  12. Natalie says:

    I hate burnt steak, azteclady. What a waste of a good piece of meat…..


  13. Tracy says:

    Speaking of Mormons missionaries… well, you weren’t but, my mother told me today that Mormon’s used to come to the door, and she would give the , “Do you know Jesus as your personal savior, are you born again,” speech. Now she says, not only do they NOT come to the house, when they get to our property, they walk across the street, walk until they clear the property, then walk back across the street. LOL!

    My mom finally found a way to get them to stop.


  14. azteclady says:

    Tracy, I literally laughed out loud at that. Sadly, I know I wouldn’t be able to keep a straight face if I tried it.


    Go, Tracy’s mom!


  15. Glo says:

    I really am curious what was on these tvs that made such an uproar. I mean i figure that a gym would show the exersize videos, those can hardly be considered porn. I wonder if these Guys also are boycotting Victoria Secrit catolog.


  16. Leslea says:

    I really love your spirit. Thank you.


  17. sleepyinsaudi says:

    Natalie, I live in a country where physical education is not allowed in girl’s schools. The mullahs contend that this would prompt girls to get to exicited and maybe have lustful thoughts. Also ,their modesty would be comprimised by changing clothes somewhere other than their own home. ( There are no women’s dressing rooms in stores here either. You have to buy clothes, take them home,try them on, and return them within 5 days if they don’t fit. Oh, and you can’t drive here either, so you have to beg your husband or pay a driver to take you back to the mall. but I digress……)
    Why don’t these complainers just look the other way? Surely they knew or heard about the videos before they joined. Before you join a gym, they take you on a tour and give you a complementary day where you can decide to join, or not. Were their eyes not open at the time? Or is this video thingy a new addition?


  18. sleepyinsaudi says:

    Oh, and I bet they blush every time a Susan Sommer’s “Thigh Master” infomercial comes on TV.

    Porn. “snort”


  19. Renee says:

    You know, between this and the whole alcapop thing…I just sit back and gape in amazement.


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