You know how everybody does that tagged thingies? I did one a while back, with ten jobs I did not want. And it was pretty fun. So here I go again, because it is late, and I don’t feel like writing my book (don’t tell). Everyone who reads this, consider yourself TAGGED.
1. I like to read those Nigerian scam letters. I know, I know, I get at least seven a week, and I am truly wasting time, but DAMN, those people are resourceful. I have more dead relatives in foreign countries than you can imagine! And a lot of people find me very trustworthy, even though they don’t know me, and have bcc’ed a bunch of other people. I read them just to see how they vary, and how alike they are. I’ll try to stop. I promise.
2. I like to watch Arthur on PBS. I can’t possibly tell you why. When my children were little, I despised Barney, and watching an episode was torture. Worse than General Conference Sunday. But Arthur catches me. Even now, I’ll sit down and watch an episode or two. Followed by some SEX IN THE CITY, of course, just to clarify my mental age.
3. I find Pete Wentz from Fall Out Boy oddly attractive. Eyeliner and all. Don’t tell my children. Immense mortification will follow. They will never be able to ogle him properly again.
4. I thought NAPOLEON DYNAMITE was the stupidest movie ever made. You can tell my children. They already know. In fact, they are tired of hearing it.
5. I’ve seen the naked pictures of Disney Queen Vanessa Hudgens. Jt was kind of an accident. I was reading a blog, and clicked on a link, and VOILA, there she was. Oh to be young and firm again.
6. I’ve never seen the sex tape of Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson (and don’t want to). Ditto for the sex tape of Paris Hilton and that guy who married Pamela Anderson (I already seen this one coming, don’t you?). Or an other celebrity sex tape.
7. This one time, at band camp…. KIDDING! Never played an instrument, never been to band camp. (For the totally clueless, this is an American Pie reference)
8. I bore my testimony as to the truthfulness of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints EVERY Fast Sunday until I was about twelve. I never believed it was true, really, except for my parents SAID it was. And it was a microphone, and I had dreams of stardom. Tough crowd. You had to repeat the same things over and over, and they weren’t much for humor. To this day, my mother bemoans the fact I “lost” my testimony. Would it break her heart to know I was imagining I was on the Donny and Marie show?
9. WalMart scares me. The girls think this is the funniest thing EVER. Before you get your knickers in a knot, and think I’m one of those anti-WalMart groupies, the truth is, it’s not about politics, or sales tactics, or whatever. The damn place is TOO big and I wander around lost and can never find what I’m looking for and it’s totally overwhelming. I need Valium just to step foot through the door.
10. Um, okay, yes I WAS a Donny and Marie fan. Okay, there, it’s out. Can you say GOING COCONUTS?