Ten things I am embarrassed to admit….

You know how everybody does that tagged thingies? I did one a while back, with ten jobs I did not want. And it was pretty fun. So here I go again, because it is late, and I don’t feel like writing my book (don’t tell). Everyone who reads this, consider yourself TAGGED.

1. I like to read those Nigerian scam letters.
I know, I know, I get at least seven a week, and I am truly wasting time, but DAMN, those people are resourceful. I have more dead relatives in foreign countries than you can imagine! And a lot of people find me very trustworthy, even though they don’t know me, and have bcc’ed a bunch of other people. I read them just to see how they vary, and how alike they are. I’ll try to stop. I promise.

2. I like to watch Arthur on PBS.
I can’t possibly tell you why. When my children were little, I despised Barney, and watching an episode was torture. Worse than General Conference Sunday. But Arthur catches me. Even now, I’ll sit down and watch an episode or two. Followed by some SEX IN THE CITY, of course, just to clarify my mental age.

3. I find Pete Wentz from Fall Out Boy oddly attractive.
Eyeliner and all. Don’t tell my children. Immense mortification will follow. They will never be able to ogle him properly again.

4. I thought NAPOLEON DYNAMITE was the stupidest movie ever made.
You can tell my children. They already know. In fact, they are tired of hearing it.

5. I’ve seen the naked pictures of Disney Queen Vanessa Hudgens.
Jt was kind of an accident. I was reading a blog, and clicked on a link, and VOILA, there she was. Oh to be young and firm again.

6. I’ve never seen the sex tape of Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson (and don’t want to).
Ditto for the sex tape of Paris Hilton and that guy who married Pamela Anderson (I already seen this one coming, don’t you?). Or an other celebrity sex tape.

7. This one time, at band camp…. KIDDING! Never played an instrument, never been to band camp. (For the totally clueless, this is an American Pie reference)

8. I bore my testimony as to the truthfulness of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints EVERY Fast Sunday until I was about twelve.
I never believed it was true, really, except for my parents SAID it was. And it was a microphone, and I had dreams of stardom. Tough crowd. You had to repeat the same things over and over, and they weren’t much for humor. To this day, my mother bemoans the fact I “lost” my testimony. Would it break her heart to know I was imagining I was on the Donny and Marie show?

9. WalMart scares me. The girls think this is the funniest thing EVER. Before you get your knickers in a knot, and think I’m one of those anti-WalMart groupies, the truth is, it’s not about politics, or sales tactics, or whatever. The damn place is TOO big and I wander around lost and can never find what I’m looking for and it’s totally overwhelming. I need Valium just to step foot through the door.

10. Um, okay, yes I WAS a Donny and Marie fan. Okay, there, it’s out. Can you say GOING COCONUTS?

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About Natalie R. Collins

Natalie has more than 30 years writing, editing, proofreading and design experience. She has written 20 books (and counting), has worked for the Sundance Film Festival, and as an investigative journalist, editor, and proofreader. She embraces her gypsy-heart and is following her new free-thinking journey through life. Follow her as she starts over and learns a bunch of life's lessons--some the hard way.
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22 Responses to Ten things I am embarrassed to admit….

  1. Pingback: Paris Hilton » Ten things I am embarrassed to admit….

  2. jesica says:

    Why feel embarassed with nude photos?
    Nudity is God’s gift to us.
    If God had meant us not to be naked, he would have given us body hair like he gave monkeys or cats.
    wow, no surprising, It it notnormal. Nude photos are nice and natural. Do not regards as the strange. Nudism is respected. If you go to this site http://nudistconnect.com, and you will feel so comfortable with nudists, They are natural and pure.

    Like

  3. Pingback: Pamela Anderson » Ten things I am embarrassed to admit….

  4. Had to laugh… I also was a fan of Donny and Marie–a very long time ago. Now? I wonder what I saw in the two of them.

    I feel faint.

    Like

  5. Renee says:

    Yay! Natalie finally admits it! I could see purple socks and “Paper Roses” coming all out all over the place! 😉

    I still like Donny and Marie. They both seem kinda snarky and that amuses me. My favorite LDS co-workers are the snarky ones – they aren’t trying so damn hard to be perfect.

    Like

  6. WendyP says:

    I also enjoy watching Arthur, like Pete Wentz’s looks, have seen the High School Musical gal nude and feel anxiety in WalMart….but I disagree about Napoleon–that movie is hilarious and has the sweetest ending with Napoleon and Deb playing tether ball. But yes, embarrassing all around. Fun list.

    Like

  7. aerin says:

    Yeah – Arthur’s not so bad. It’s when you start singing along to the kids tv shows when you wake up that you have to watch out. 😉 Not that I’m speaking from personal experience or anything.

    As far as the testimony thing – how conscious is a ten year old? In the sense of – did you really have control over that? I’m not suggesting that your parents forced you – but there are lots of things I look back on from when I was that age – and I really didn’t have much say in the matter. Like handing out books of mormon in my neighborhood and caroling as a youth activity. Or having tightly permed hair – was that completely my decision?

    I might not be making sense here. It’s one thing when you’re an adult and supporting yourself, it’s quite another when you’re completely dependent on your parents. Maybe I’m just saying that I hear you because I did something very similar when I was that age. And did I really have a testimony? I can’t imagine that any eleven year old really understands just what they are committing to.

    Like

  8. Cele says:

    Oh I will so totally have to play this one later.

    I always watched Donny and Marie back in the 70s?. I thought Marie was great, I still do. Dance Marie Dance.

    I have never seen Napoleon Dynamite. knowing our taste are similar, I guess I should say, “Thank Heavens.”

    Nude pictures of anyone, do nothing for me. My mom use to say God showed a sense of humor when he made the human body. I think she was on to something.

    I have watched Arthur, but I prefer The Wiggles, thank you very much.

    Men in eye make up are no problem for me – I’m an equal opportunity cosmetologist (well I was licensed.) Well except Boy George. 1) he puts on his make up better than I do (or he did) 2) except for that purple crap, what’s up with that?

    We don’t have a Walmart. thank heavens.

    Like

  9. Tracy says:

    I liked Donny and Marie, although at first I didn’t know they were Mormon, until a Jewish friend of mine had a Book of Mormon. I asked her why she had it, and she said because Donny was Mormon and she was curious.

    However, when I got my first Elton John and Van Halen albums, I dumped Donny and Marie. I know, it was harsh, but it had to be done.

    Like

  10. Elaine says:

    Okay. I played. That was fun…if a bit, oh, embarrassing.

    Like

  11. Natalie says:

    Elaine, GREAT list!

    Tracy, LOLOL. Poor Donny and Marie. Dumped for Van Halen…. I almost got killed at a Van Halen concert… A story for another day….

    Like

  12. Natalie says:

    No WalMart? Cele, that’s a bit of a godsend….

    Aerin, all good points. After all, my testimony WAS given to me… By my parents. I just wasn’t old enough to “own” it yet.

    Wendy, I know I’m the odd man out with ND. I just don’t enjoy it…..

    Like

  13. kd says:

    The fact that human hair went all sparse and stubby (unlike all of the other mammals) is a pretty good sign that humans evolved after the invention of clothes; thus, one might conclude, God intended people to be clothed.

    Like

  14. Rhonda says:

    OMG. Seriously. I got caught by my husband watching Arthur when our daughter was napping. I just mumbled something about losing the remote. (That would have worked better had it not been sitting right there in my lap!) It’s COMFORTING somehow. I love his house and his school reminds me of when I was younger. So what I’m 40. lol
    Still have my Donny and Marie dolls. lol
    I don’t know how Walmart can have so much crap yet I’m still unable to find the bread crumbs in that football field!
    And I thought I was the only one who had never seen the Tommy and Pam sex tape. lol
    As for that “testimony” business that goes for Southern Baptists as well. Which I have left behind now that I am an adult and not subject to the pinches of my grandmother. I’m over going to church to hear all about who Jesus would hate.

    Like

  15. Tracy says:

    I have never watched Arthur, but I do like to watch Clifford the Big Red Dog, Spongebob, and most anything on Cartoon Network.

    I may have to get older, but I will never grow up.

    Like

  16. T.B. says:

    Ya got sumthin’ with Sponge Bob. Who the heck is Arthur?

    Like

  17. hiker says:

    Don’t be embarrassed about the testimony thing. I kept up on mine until 23 years old. I can’t the number I bore my testimony on my mission. I meant it too. That’s the embarrassing part.

    I love Arthur especially the them song.

    Like

  18. George says:

    Nigerian scam letter reader!!!!

    Like

  19. Tracy says:

    This is Arthur.

    Like

  20. Sideon says:

    You crack me up, Natalie.

    1 – I’ve only read one Nigerian scam letter – I think my spam filter is set to ultra hardcore and nothing gets through.

    2 – No idea who Arthur is, and I’m thankful for it.

    3 – Pete Wentz is strangely hawt, but in an oh-my-gawd-he’s-way-too-young kind of way.

    4 – Never saw Napolean Dynamite and have no intention of seeing it. I like to see Mormonism references FADING, not INCREASING.

    5 and 6 – Unfortunately, my retinas have been seared several times. Let’s just say Pamela goes for the well endowed men.

    7 – There’s only one organ I ever played. Ahem.

    8 – I couldn’t be PAID to bare a testimonkey, but I could be tempted if bidding started at $1 Billion dollars.

    9 – Walmart scares me too. Big store, noisy, crazy lines at cash registers, disorganized aisles. The people shopping there are the scariest, EVER. The few times I’ve allowed myself to be dragged into a Walmart, I had viscious flashbacks to the inbred communities of southern Utah and West Virginia.

    10 – I loved Donny and Marie. I’m rooting for her on Dancing with the Stars, but the recent “Oprah and the 100 Osmonds” thing smacks of pure attention whoredom.

    Happy Friday, by the way.

    Like

  21. Tracy says:

    “10 – I loved Donny and Marie. I’m rooting for her on Dancing with the Stars, but the recent “Oprah and the 100 Osmonds” thing smacks of pure attention whoredom.”

    The Osmond’s need to “attention whore” themselves. The business they are in demands attention, or their lively hood goes kaput.

    Like

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