Is it something in the weather?

It’s snowing right now in Utah, and although the ground is still too warm for it to stick, at least on the valley floor, the mountains are getting a pretty good frosting.

And it seems to be making people testy.

Why, even my AOL was snippy to me.

I tried to close a window, clicking on the nice little link that said, “Close this window,” and another message popped up saying, “We cannot close this window. Please close it yourself.”


I think SOMEISP needs some cheering up. So, here’s a few tidbits from Mormonville, aimed at tickling your funny bone. I am currently, while in the midst of a personal change, living with my very Mormon parents. Life is interesting, These are random, in no order, and some have absolutely no meaning. Whatever.


So the doorbell rings, and the parents are gone to some Church meeting, or a canning assignment, or possibly Walmart. And so I answer it. There stand the missionaries. (My dad’s current church calling has something to do missionaries. Perhaps Chief Missionary Herder.) “Is Elder Collins here?”

“Nope, sorry.”


So, I take a quick look at their nametags and stop cold. Should I comment? No, no. No comments. I tell them I will leave a message with my dad, and shut the door. Will.Not.Open.Door. Will.Not.Comment. Ah, can’t help myself. I open the door back up. “Is your name REALLY Elder Lord?” I ask the one who looks twelve.

He gets a “oh brother” look on his face, and kicks his feet like a four-year-old. “Yup,” he mumbles.

“Bet you get teased about that.”

“Yup.” Somebody give that poor kid some pie. He deserves it.


The phone rings. “Is Brother Collins there?”

“No, sorry. Can I take a message?”

“This is their home teacher.”

Okay. Waiting. Nothing. Is there an appropriate to response to “This is their home teacher” that someone forgot to teach me back when they were cramming rote prayers and answers down my throat?

“Well, they are not here. I’ll tell them you called, Mr. uh, Home Teacher.”

He does not correct me, or give me his name.

Perhaps this IS his given name. If so, it would make it easy to give HIM his Church calling, huh?


Did you know that on cable television, you can watch 24 hours of nothing but Little House on the Prairie, The Andy Griffith Show, Matlock and Leave it to Beaver, and NEVER have to hear one word that is even SLIGHTLY questionable? Well, except maybe beaver, but don’t tell that to my dad.


So there you have it. A few snippets from Behind the Zion Curtain. Happy Snowy Saturday!


About Natalie R. Collins

Natalie has more than 30 years writing, editing, proofreading and design experience. She has written 20 books (and counting), has worked for the Sundance Film Festival, and as an investigative journalist, editor, and proofreader. She embraces her gypsy-heart and is following her new free-thinking journey through life. Follow her as she starts over and learns a bunch of life's lessons--some the hard way.
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4 Responses to Is it something in the weather?

  1. Cele says:

    Elder Lord? oh poor guy. That has to be hard to live up to.


  2. Renee says:

    I wish Elder Lord would come to my house, I could use a good belly laugh. Though I would feel a bit for the young lad!


  3. Rory Kearn says:

    I used to live in UT, as an inactive member, for 5 long and painful years. I was LOL at this stuff. Thanks for sharing.


  4. zoolandrrrrrrr says:

    you should have fucked the missionaries.. now that would be a good story.

    you sound like a spoiled little loser brat still living with mom and dad and already failed at marriage. lacking faith to repent and really serve christ…you hide behind this bullshit as if you are doing anyone any good. my dog chases his tail and thinks he’s a hero. the church is true. the evidence is astounding. there is no other way to account for its success. every knee shall bow sister…and i am not perfect either, so if you want to bow them for me,,,,um yahha


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