The PLOT Thickens

So, the ward party FLIERS were printed up WITHOUT the address of the ward party!! In keeping with the furtive actions of ward partiers all over Utah, my parents’ ward decided to KEEP the location secret from all heathens. There goes that whole, “Neighborhood Party” theory.

How did I discover this faux pas? Well, about fifteen minutes ago the DOORBELL RANG. Guess who it was? You would guess hometeachers? “Ward Party,” I would say. You would guess visiting teachers (like home teachers, only female)? “Ward Party,” I would say. Boy Scouts? Ward party! Primary president? WARD PARTY!!

Oh no. It was THE MISSIONARIES. I’m telling you, things are REALLY interesting up here at the ‘rents house. “Is Brother Collins here?’ asked the head missionary, because there is always a head one. Come on, you know I’m right.

“Uh, no, he’s at the ward party.”

Well, maybe I should have said NEIGHBORHOOD party, because this young man’s face looked like someone had just stole his slinky and threw it in the river. I mean, HE knows the secret handshakes, and he wears the magic underwear, and NO ONE TOLD HIM ABOUT THE PARTY. And he’s a missionary, and everyone KNOWS they are ALL about the free food!

“Well, do you know where it is?” he asked me.

So I ambled upstairs to get the flier, and came back down, only to discover THERE IS NO ADDRESS on the flier!

“Maybe you should just drive around. It’s probably at the church. I’m sure you can find it.”

So there you have it. THE PLOT THICKENS. And all of this without percocet.

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About Natalie R. Collins

Natalie has more than 30 years writing, editing, proofreading and design experience. She has written 20 books (and counting), has worked for the Sundance Film Festival, and as an investigative journalist, editor, and proofreader. She embraces her gypsy-heart and is following her new free-thinking journey through life. Follow her as she starts over and learns a bunch of life's lessons--some the hard way.
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13 Responses to The PLOT Thickens

  1. Renee says:

    Interestingly, our ward party invites (the few anyway) have been fully disclosed as to the address. But then again, our neighbor is from Arizona and she really likes the non-faithful, or at least she appreciates a little diversity.

    However, I’ve not gotten my invite to the ice cream party yet…sigh…

    Like

  2. Tracy says:

    When you send your letter to the head honcho at Mormon HQ, why not mention ward parties should be revamped, so young missionaries will not look like a deer in the headlights.

    You should have invited him in for percocet. He still would have had his feeling hurt, but he wouldn’t care.

    Like

  3. mlbower says:

    Did you voluntarily give up the percocet? It sounded like you were having a good time.

    Like

  4. Cele says:

    Oh mi gosh, not invite the missionaries to the neighborhood party? How sad. No percocet? Wow, you are brave.

    Like

  5. Johnny says:

    “head missionary” ?????…………………. You’ve being inactive for way tooooo long.

    But its true about the free food.

    Like

  6. Kane says:

    Not head missionary. I think you mean ‘pitcher’ and ‘catcher’.

    BTW, my father blasted the family board with this. He couldn’t believe all the bickering that goes on between members and non in UT. Read the comments at the bottom: http://www.sltrib.com/ci_6649880?IADID=Search-www.sltrib.com-www.sltrib

    I can believe it, I see it everyday right here 🙂

    Like

  7. deedee says:

    greetings Natalie ~ have been reading your blog for several months and it cracks me up! I am x-Mormon, born and raised in Georgia, where my family has been (and still is) Mormon since the late 19th century. For some reason with me it just didn’t take!

    Anyway, love the blog and am looking forward to reading the books as well!

    deedee

    Like

  8. INTJ_Mom says:

    Our “neighborhood parties” are at the park that is in our neighborhood. That was why we were initially confused about who was behind the parties. They probably have get togethers at the church, but I haven’t heard about any of those for a really long time. And I haven’t gotten a homemaking night flyer for almost 2 years. I used to get one taped to my door every month.

    Like

  9. Renee says:

    Hey I got my notice!!! Here is what it says:

    “Neighborhood” Potluck (The quotes are mine)
    Picnic
    At XXX Park

    Saturday, Aug. 25 at 6 p.m.

    Bring your favorite dish to share . There will be games and talkin’ and much more!

    See you there!

    I just had to share Natalie – I got invited!!! (happy Snoopy dance)….

    Like

  10. sam says:

    Kane, thanks for the Trib link. Interesting stuff.

    Like

  11. Renee says:

    Okay…the ward party report from someone on the ground…(music in the background)…the hot dogs were roasting…the kids were screaming…really, compared to last summer no one showed up (weird…) and my son was hanging with his friends. He had just gotten back from visiting his dad for the summer and immediately was delivered a big poster with “Welcome Back”, balloons and a huge candy bar all taped to it…

    We didn’t stay long but it was nice to catch up with my really nice TBM neighbors who I’ve not seen much of over the summer.

    And…at the end..and this should scare you as much as it does me…after we got home my almost 16 year old said…”Mom, Mormon Girls are hot.”…

    Like

  12. Cat says:

    “Ward” party??? It’s at Wally and Beaver’s house of course!!

    Or… the only other “ward” I know is the crazy ward.. that might be a fun party.

    Like

  13. L. says:

    There most certainly IS a head missionary (actually called a “Senior Companion”) and a follower missionary (known as a “Junior Companion”).

    IMHO, it is just another way to put someone else in control of your actions and to give someone else the right to receive revelation for someone else (the Junior companion wasn’t allowed to have personal revelation when i was on my mish).

    Great blog BTW…I just recently escaped myself.

    L.

    Like

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