So, the ward party FLIERS were printed up WITHOUT the address of the ward party!! In keeping with the furtive actions of ward partiers all over Utah, my parents’ ward decided to KEEP the location secret from all heathens. There goes that whole, “Neighborhood Party” theory.
How did I discover this faux pas? Well, about fifteen minutes ago the DOORBELL RANG. Guess who it was? You would guess hometeachers? “Ward Party,” I would say. You would guess visiting teachers (like home teachers, only female)? “Ward Party,” I would say. Boy Scouts? Ward party! Primary president? WARD PARTY!!
Oh no. It was THE MISSIONARIES. I’m telling you, things are REALLY interesting up here at the ‘rents house. “Is Brother Collins here?’ asked the head missionary, because there is always a head one. Come on, you know I’m right.
“Uh, no, he’s at the ward party.”
Well, maybe I should have said NEIGHBORHOOD party, because this young man’s face looked like someone had just stole his slinky and threw it in the river. I mean, HE knows the secret handshakes, and he wears the magic underwear, and NO ONE TOLD HIM ABOUT THE PARTY. And he’s a missionary, and everyone KNOWS they are ALL about the free food!
“Well, do you know where it is?” he asked me.
So I ambled upstairs to get the flier, and came back down, only to discover THERE IS NO ADDRESS on the flier!
“Maybe you should just drive around. It’s probably at the church. I’m sure you can find it.”
So there you have it. THE PLOT THICKENS. And all of this without percocet.