Vote for Satan!

This is kind of OLD news, and my friend Dej alerted me to it (thanks Dej!) but we were having fun with the odd traffic report, so I waited to post it.

I know many of you have been waiting for the opportunity to vote Satan in as president, and now here’s your chance! At least according to Bill Keller, host of Live Prayer TV from Florida.

I love televangelists. They are so funny. I realize they don’t INTEND to be funny, but really they are. The only one I ever had any respect for was Billy Graham, but once his son took over, uh, no thanks.

Back to Bill and Satan. Apparently, he claimed in a devotional sent to 2.4 million email subscribers:

If you vote for Romney, you are voting for Satan.”

He also said:

This message today is not about Mitt Romney. Romney is an unashamed and proud member of the Mormon cult founded by a murdering polygamist pedophile named Joseph Smith nearly 200 years ago. The teachings of the Mormon cult are doctrinally and theologically in complete opposition to the Absolute Truth of God’s Word. There is no common ground. If Mormonism is true, then the Christian faith is a complete lie. There has never been any question from the moment Smith’s cult began that it was a work of Satan and those who follow their false teachings will die and spend eternity in hell.

Absolute Truth. Those words should be PLASTERED IN BIG LETTERS all over the world as BUZZ WORDS and a key to run like hell and hide under your bed. Really, this guy is saying what the Mormons say, but they are MUCH NICER about it. Really, they are.

I’m not kidding! The Mormon hell is not filled with fire, and I was always taught it was a lot like where we live today. I could do without the gangs, and the crime, and telemarketers, but other than that, I’m good with it. It’ll work.

But FLAMES! DAMNATION! HELLFIRE! If I have to choose, I think I’ll stick with the Mormons. Good thing I don’t have to choose….

If there is an afterlife, and a heaven, have you ever thought about how many people are going to be wandering around thinking, “HUH? What the heck is HE doing here?! He was a Baptist!”

And if there is a hell, I wonder how many people are going to be down there thinking, “But all I tried to do was make them RESPECT GOD! That’s why I set those bombs off that killed thousands of people. They were sinners! It was all for God.”

Stuff like this is almost enough to make me VOTE for Satan, er, uh, Romney. Almost.

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About Natalie R. Collins

Natalie has more than 30 years writing, editing, proofreading and design experience. She has written 20 books (and counting), has worked for the Sundance Film Festival, and as an investigative journalist, editor, and proofreader. She embraces her gypsy-heart and is following her new free-thinking journey through life. Follow her as she starts over and learns a bunch of life's lessons--some the hard way.
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18 Responses to Vote for Satan!

  1. Steve says:

    Bill Keller is such a, sorry for saying, MORON and ignorant. Sorry I couldn’t help myself from not posting here. Great blog and really funny!

    Like

  2. Tracy says:

    I thought all politicians were Satan? or at least Satans minions…alright, let me have it!

    Like

  3. Cele says:

    My sister in law ALWAYS says, “I know for a fact…” So when ever we are being less than nice we start out with the phrase, “I know for a fact…” Isn’t that a kin to THE ABSOLUTE TRUTH?

    I try to avoid anybody who has the facts or the absolutes (wow a case of the absolutes sounds fatal)

    Like

  4. Wayne says:

    The interview on the Alan Colmes’ radio program between Scott Gordon, (president of the http://www.fairlds.org/apol/) is also on the Bill Keller’s web-site.

    As I was growing up, whenever someone tried to mimic Satan’s laugh, and attitude, this is what it sounded like:

    http://www.liveprayer.com/fox1.cfm

    It is un-edited, with advertisements and all.

    Like

  5. Bot says:

    The Church of Jesus Christ (LDS) is often misunderstood . . Some accuse the Church of not believing in Christ and, therefore, not being a Christian religion . . This article helps to clarify such misconceptions

    · Baptism: .

    Early Christian churches, practiced baptism of youth (not infants) by immersion by the father of the family. The local congregation had a lay ministry. An early Christian Church has been re-constructed at the Israel Museum, and the above can be verified. http://www.imj.org.il/eng/exhibitions/2000/christianity/ancientchurch/structure/index.html
    The Church of Jesus Christ (LDS) continues baptism and a lay ministry as taught by Jesus’ Apostles. . Early Christians were persecuted for keeping their practices sacred, and not allowing non-Christians to witness them

    · The Trinity: .

    A literal reading of the New Testament points to God and Jesus Christ , His Son , being separate , divine beings , united in purpose. . To whom was Jesus praying in Gethsemane, and Who was speaking to Him and his apostles on the Mount of Transfiguration?

    The Nicene Creed”s definition of the Trinity was influenced by scribes translating the Greek manuscripts into Latin. . The scribes embellished on a passage explaining the Trinity , which is the Catholic and Protestant belief that God is Father, Son and Holy Spirit. . The oldest versions of the epistle of 1 John, read: “There are three that bear witness: the Spirit, the water and the blood and these three are one.”

    Scribes later added “the Father, the Word and the Spirit,” and it remained in the epistle when it was translated into English for the King James Version, according to Dr. Bart Ehrman, Chairman of the Religion Department at UNC- Chapel Hill. . . .He no longer believes in the Nicene Trinity. .

    Scholars agree that Early Christians believed in an embodied God; it was neo-Platonist influences that later turned Him into a disembodied Spirit. . Divinization, narrowing the space between God and humans, was also part of Early Christian belief. . The Church of Jesus Christ (LDS) views the Trinity as three separate divine beings , in accord with the earliest Greek New Testament manuscripts.

    · The Cross: .

    The Cross became popular as a Christian symbol in the Fifth Century A.D. . Members of the Church of Jesus Christ (LDS) believe the proper Christian symbol is Christ’s resurrection , not his crucifixion on the Cross. Many Mormon chapels feature paintings of the resurrected Christ or His Second Coming.

    · Christ’s Atonement: .

    But Mormons don”t term Catholics and Protestants “non-Christian”. . They believe Christ’s atonement in Gethsemane and on the Cross applies to all mankind. . The dictionary definition of a Christian is “of, pertaining to, believing in, or belonging to a religion based on the teachings of Jesus Christ”: . All of the above denominations are followers of Christ, and consider him divine, and the Messiah foretold in the Old Testament. They all worship the one and only true God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, and address Him in prayer as prescribed in The Lord’s Prayer.

    It”s important to understand the difference between Reformation and Restoration when we consider who might be authentic Christians. If members of the Church of Jesus Christ (LDS) embrace early Christian theology , they are likely more “Christian” than their detractors.

    * * *

    · Christ-Like Lives: . . .The 2005 National Study of Youth and Religion published by UNC-Chapel Hill found that Church of Jesus Christ (LDS) youth (ages 13 to 17) were more likely to exhibit these Christian characteristics than Evangelicals (the next most observant group):
    . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . LDS Evangelical
    Attend Religious Services weekly . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 71% . . . . 55%
    Importance of Religious Faith in shaping daily life –
    extremely important .. 52. . . . . . . 28
    Believes in life after death . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 76 . . . . . . 62
    Believes in psychics or fortune-tellers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0 . . . . . . 5
    Has taught religious education classes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 42 . . . . . . 28
    Has fasted or denied something as spiritual discipline . . . . . . . . . . . . . 68 . . . . . . 22
    Sabbath Observance . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 67 . . . . . . 40
    Shared religious faith with someone not of their faith . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 72 . . . . . . 56
    Family talks about God, scriptures, prayer daily . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 50 . . . . . . 19
    Supportiveness of church for parent in trying to raise teen
    (very supportive) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .65 . . . . . . 26
    Church congregation has done an excellent job in helping
    Teens better understand their own sexuality and sexual morality . . . . . 84 . . . . . . 35

    Like

  6. Elaine says:

    “Believes in psychics or fortune tellers…(LDS) 0…(evangelical) 5”

    Shouldn’t that be (LDS) about 95 percent…or more? I mean, isn’t that what a Patriarchal Blessing is? Fortune telling? No? Could have fooled me.

    Sorry if that offends anyone, but I call ’em as I see ’em.

    Anyway, I don’t think that Mormons should really feel so offended that evangelicals (especially) don’t see them as Christians. A lot of evangelicals don’t think Catholics are Christians, either. Heck, some Baptists don’t accept other Baptists’ baptisms. Funny thing to me that exclusivism is so rampant among the members of a religion that professes to worship someone (Jesus) who was so darn ecumenical.

    Personally, while I think it is fairly obvious that Mormons are not Christian in any orthodox way of looking at things, I’m also really kind of uncomfortable about outsiders of any denomination reading other denominations out of Christianity based on differing ideas about who or what Jesus was. The truth is that Christianity comes in a whole bunch of flavors, many of them mutually exclusive…so much so that I don’t believe there is any universal definition of what “Christianity” accepts, other than that it reveres Jesus in some way…and not even all in the same way, come to that.

    Now, Mormons do claim Jesus. That makes them Christians under that definition even if other Christians don’t quite recognize the Jesus that the Mormons claim.

    One other thing that struck me from Bot’s post…”If members of the Church of Jesus Christ (LDS) embrace early Christian theology , they are likely more “Christian” than their detractors.” I was wondering, which early Christian theology is that? Seems to me that there was more than one, especially based on some of the early writings that have come to light in the past few years. Makes the variations among today’s denominations seem almost…normal.

    By the way, I studied the anthropology, sociology and psychology of religion at university (at a Christian university, as a matter of fact, although I don’t practice myself) as part of an intercultural studies major focused on world religions, so I do know a little bit about the variations among Christians.

    Like

  7. Wayne says:

    Bot:

    Like

  8. Wayne says:

    Oops wrong key!

    Hi Bot:
    I am Wayne. I am also LDS. I too have tried to make “points” with those on this site. My only comment would be: Have you ever tried to drive a toothpick in to a cement block, using a 16 lb sledge hammer?

    Like

  9. Tracy says:

    Well, Bot clinched it for me, LDS = Good, everyone else = Bad.

    They must be the One and True church!

    (/sarcasm)

    Like

  10. Elaine says:

    Well, Wayne…I think that’s the problem. You’re too darn focused on “making points”.

    Try loosening up, consider the fact that you might not have an exclusive lock on Truth, and enjoy the diversity that the world has to offer. Have a conversation, not a “teaching moment”, for once…you might find that you enjoy it.

    Like

  11. Wayne, has it ever EVEN once occurred to you to open your mind and maybe think that I might have a point, too? Nah, that would be against your indoctrination.

    Like

  12. Renee says:

    Natalie, after all that, I just can’t be driven to vote for Satan. Even though your point is valid. Well, actually, I just don’t like Romney. Has nothing to do with the LDS church. He looks like a used car salesman and he flip flops. I’m sure he’ll do HUGE business in Utah though. Already sick of reading about him.

    Sign me the ONE TRUE SKEPTIC THAT THERE IS ONE TRUTH!

    🙂

    Like

  13. azteclady says:

    Bot looks like spam troll to me…

    Like

  14. Probably related to Jose/Charley

    Like

  15. Wayne says:

    Natalie: You have used the word, indoctrinated so often with your finger pointing toward me; I thought I would research it and find what other experts have to say about it.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indoctrination

    I found these on the same page where they (Wikipedia) were trying to define other ideas on the word.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jesus_Camp
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Propaganda
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manipulation
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_bombing

    I find it interesting that the word ‘indoctrinated’ could be applied to other individuals and groups as well.

    Like

  16. Wayne,

    Of course it can. I’m not sure what your point here is, because I agree. Indoctrination is not something used only by the Mormon Church.

    Like

  17. George says:

    Wow, I just watched Jesus Camp and for me it was disturbing!
    Does every church feel it’s persecuted? I would choose abortion anytime rather than having my kids brainwashed like that!
    Mitt Romney is not Satan! Harry Potter is!

    Like

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