Teenagers are mutants. I recently shared this little factoid with my daughter and her friend, although I was nice enough to say that teenage BOYS are mutants. They immediately agreed. And I beg ONE of you to argue that statement. I live by a junior high. Both my daughters are currently attending school with boys this age. I also taught SCHOOL for two years. I’m telling you. Mutants.
It’s a wonder they grow into useful, competent, law-abiding adults, albeit ones who send you nasty emails about your negativity and desire to “tear other people’s religion down.” Never mind that they most LIKELY just returned from an LDS mission (or have served said mission in the past) designed entirely to convince easily-duped people that MORMONS HAVE THE ONLY TRUE RELIGION, and only THEY, and anyone else who signs on to board the mother ship, will be going to God’s special spot, i.e, the Celestial Kingdom. The rest of you are doomed to an eternity spent on a place a lot like our present existence. You want your multiple wives and children (heterosexual males only need apply)? Better be joining yourself up quickly. As for me? Outer Darkness is my destination. At least according to the mutants. But I digress.
Teenage boys poke holes in each other with pens and laugh. They walk down the middle of the street and glare at you if you dare to drive your CAR down said street, as though they are invincible. They beat the shit out of each other one minute, and are best friends the next. In short… Mutants. Perhaps they have all their body parts, and no extra ones, but still….
Of course, teenage girls are little better. Consider this conversation I overheard, between Dancing Daughter and Chatter Child.
“So, it was like totally cool, and then I was like, man, you are so, like out there.”
“Oh. My. God. Are you, like, kidding me? She totally said that? That is so like, whoa dude, majorly stupid.”
“Dude! Like, what did you say?”
“I said, like, you are so not cool.”
I have to say, like, what the fuck? (Although not to their faces, because they ARE after all, children. Mutants, but child mutants.)
And there you have it. I have given birth to mutants. Possibly mutant valley girls, who are channeling Cheech and Chong while attempting to give President Bush a run for his money…..
There is no hope for tomorrow. Better go back to Church.