I’m still on my “No ‘M’ word kick, so I thought I’d take a minute and share with all of you a few of the things I’ve learned after spending time on the Internet. Incidentally, I FINALLY negotiated Myspace correctly, and I am NOW there!! Check it out.
Now, on to the TILFTI.
1. Africa is a dangerous place. SCORES of my relatives have died there. I don’t know them, and have no idea how they got there, but nonetheless, it appears to be true. Coincidentally, they are all quite wealthy. And they want to give ME that money!
2. A lot of other people from Africa ALSO want to give me money. It’s a reward, you see, for helping them secret millions out of THEIR country.
3. Horny housewives want to meet ME! They are lonely. They are also apparently bi-sexual, and not too picky.
4. I need Viagra.
5. There is a young boy in England who is dying, and his wish is to get into the Guiness Book of World Records for getting the most postcards/greeting cards/business cards. Please send yours now.
6. I can work from home! Stuffing envelopes really DOES make money!
7. Hot stock tips are regularly sent out as spam in emails. Whoulda thunk it?
8. I can get abovementioned Viagra WITHOUT a prescription. And it’s perfectly safe! This applies to a lot of other drugs, too.
9. “What” is actually spelled “wut.”
10. Why bother to write words out when you can use acronyms instead? In fact, I no longer laugh. I just LOL. It takes less time.
11. LOL can also be interpreted as “I have absolutely no interest in what you are saying, or have no idea how to answer this, so I will just LOL and you will think I find you vastly amusing.”
12. Web sites are a great tool, however, you will also attract numerous amounts of people who:
a. Neither like you or agree with you, and in some cases think you are the anti-Christ.
b. Think you are their soulmate, soul sister, etc., and want to call you on the phone and chat.
c. Want you to publish their book for them. Or agent it. Or just read it and then tell the world how it deserved to be both agented and published. (Disclaimer: I do not work as an agent, nor do I publish books. I also do not, for legal reasons, read other people’s unpublished works. If you want a blurb, contact my agent.)
d. Are pretty cool, and just want to tell you how much they enjoyed your book, your writing, your Web site, your recipe for funeral potatoes, etc.
13. PoppaZoppa is a very addictive game. So is Goldminer. It is hard to work while the lure of PZ is glaring at me, flashing at me, begging me to come play! (Thank God I got over that addiction to Zuma. I would never have gotten ANY work done!)
So tell me, what have YOU learned from the Internet?