Amongst some of the levity and antics in the last set of comments, a little Mormon snideness snuck in. You’ll remember we were discussing the prevaricating nature of certain Mormon General Authorities, in particular one Gene R. Cooke, who claims to have given Mick Jagger a good tongue lashing about morality and such on a commercial jet back in 1988. Most of us are pretty sure Gene has a case of Paul Dunn-itis. In other words, he’s doing some Lying for the Lord.
But, our friend Dave said (while not addressing the actual story or comments, by the way):
Good thing you guys are all so nice and uplifting. I really felt better after listening to all of you complain and tear down. Good job guys, keep it up!
Why spend so much time and energy holding a grudge, or trying to destroy. Just let it go. It’s not worth it. Just be happy and let these people be.
Let yourself be.
Of course, I immediately knew Dave was a Mormon. Duh. Don’t address the issues, just accuse people, in a roundabout way, of not “leaving the church alone.” You can say it any way you want, I’ve heard it before. So I did a little snooping. And I found Dave is a 25-year-old BYU Student. Duh.
I also found out this:
Arts/Writing: Photography, Song-writing, Writing Poetry
Hobbies: Clubbing, Cooking, Going to Parties, Listening to Music, Reading, Traveling, Watching Movies
Instrument Playing: Drums/Percussion
Languages: English, French, Italian, Other Language, Spanish
Music: Alternative, Dance/Club, Punk, Rock, Techno, Trance
Religion: Christian, Mormon
Sports: Basketball, Bodyboarding, Bowling, Camping, Football, Jet Skiing, Mountain Biking, Sailing, Scuba Diving, Skateboarding, Skiing, Snowboarding, Soccer, Surfing, Tennis, Volleyball
CLUBBING? PARTYING? Mormons do not go CLUBBING, Dave! Do your church leaders know this? Sheesh. Anyway, our eclectic friend Dave means well, I’m sure, so I wrote him this nice letter.
This is NOT the uplifting blog. Nowhere in my disclaimer (uh, do I have a disclaimer?) do I claim to be here to spiritually feed you. You have CHURCH for that. No, no, my purpose is to make you smile. Of course, it’s fairly rare that someone who is MORMON smiles when visiting my blog. At least someone who is a TRUE BELIEVING MORMON, at any rate. There are some ex-Mormons, and some Jack Mormons, and a few “Pretenders” among us, and they all smile, but no, real TBMs don’t smile here. If you are smiling here, you might want to check your temple recommend status. It could magically change like a Harry Potter gizmo.
That said, thanks for encouraging us. We needed that. We appreciate YOUR special spirit. We’re sorry for our grudge. What is our grudge again? Oh, never mind. I’m sure I’ll figure it out sooner or later. But you… hold to the rod, Dave. HOLD TIGHT. Don’t let go. HOLD TO THE ROD… er, uh, unless it’s someone else’s rod. In that case, I would recommend letting go. Or wait. If I remember right, there was a little bit of controversy about holding your OWN rod, too.
I’ll have you know I worked with a Rod during my time at the Salt Lake Tribune and he was ALL for being held. All the parts of him. Sorry. Got sidetracked.
Just for you, Dave, I have something very special. Yes, I found this little product. And when you are tempted to come back hear and be dragged down by the relentless negativity here, I suggest you just pull out your HOLD TO THE ROD LIP BALM and just SMEAR IT ALL OVER YOUR LIPS, and any other body part that needs some sunshine.
Here’s the product description:
Tuck a bit of love and sunshine into someone’s pocket with a unique lip balm. Quality ingredients pamper and protect, while fun and colorful packaging gets the message across. Order for family, friends, and youth groups. Put your heartfelt message on their lips again and again with Lip notes.