Kandi is Not Giving Me Sugar….

I received a few comments and an email from one of our new friends, Kandi.

The email said:

I just finished reading your book and it troubled me. I know that bad things happen to people but your character, Allison, is so hateful throughout the whole story. I thought she at least would have come to realize that not every Mormon was like her dad. In fact, the tyranny you describe is not common in our church. Men are the patriarchs but they are not dictatorships. My husband told me it was my choice how many kids we have. I can stay at home or work. He helps out around the house and is not abusive. I know there are people that are but you make it sound like all Mormons are this way and it is deeply offending. Why would you go to such great lengths to say all the negative things you did. I have a gay brother inlaw and his family has never disowned him. They don’t agree with his choices but they love him. My first husband committed suicide and there were no judgements there either. In fact, nonmembers who came to the funeral were surprised at our understanding and symapthy toward him. It is not right that you would have anyone who reads your books think all Mormons are as you described. Please try to be fair and not so hateful.
>Sincerely,”
Kandi.

First of all, Kandi, let me just admire your fortitude in making it ALL the way through such a troubling book. I suspect there was much about it you related to, or you would not have kept reading.

You wrote:

I know that bad things happen to people but your character, Allison, is so hateful throughout the whole story.

How said I am for you. How sad that you could not see the heartbreak and damage that Allison experienced. Instead, you chose to condemn her because she is not “pro-Mormon.” What is hateful about a six-year-old child that witnesses a friend’s abduction? What is hateful about a young girl who witnesses her mother’s death, and reacts so strongly? What is hateful about a woman who is terrorized and raped, and who chooses to make a stance and take her life back? Are you one of those “blame the victim” types? That is all I can figure, after reading how “hateful” Allison is throughout the WHOLE story.

You also wrote:

I know there are people that are but you make it sound like all Mormons are this way and it is deeply offending.

Beep, beep, beep. Back it up, Chica. You just said you know there are people that way. YOU ARE RIGHT. I never said all Mormons are that way. Where did I say that? Where does the book even imply that?

More from KandiLand:

Why would you go to such great lengths to say all the negative things you did. I have a gay brother inlaw and his family has never disowned him. They don’t agree with his choices but they love him.

Sweetie? It’s called FICTION. Writing a good story. Perhaps you’ve heard of it? And just because something didn’t happen to YOU or your family doesn’t mean it has NEVER happened. Judging by the email I get, I can guarantee you it does.

As far as your gay brother-in-law, I suspect he doesn’t agree with your choices, either, but he doesn’t get the opportunity to tell you, because NOBODY is on his side. Or wait, maybe he DOES agree with your choices….at least as far as a mate goes.

KandiLand opineth again:

My first husband committed suicide and there were no judgements there either. In fact, nonmembers who came to the funeral were surprised at our understanding and symapthy toward him. It is not right that you would have anyone who reads your books think all Mormons are as you described. Please try to be fair and not so hateful.

The understanding and symapthy just SHINE through your email. I’m sure you were a fabulous example that day, for all the poor heathen non-members. I can promise you that judgments were made that day. From everybody? Probably not. But I will guess more than one person looked in your direction and thought, “wonder what she did to him.” Is this because they were Mormon? No, it’s because they were HUMAN and also living in a repressive society that tends to blame the victims and embrace the patriarchy.

I know lots of nice Mormons. I know nice Catholics, too. Are they all nice? Not even close. As a writer, it is my job to show both sides. Nobody is going to excommunicate me, or fire me, for being honest. I CAN tell the truth. Sadly, I see that you can’t.

I am fair, and I am not hateful. Mormons are good people. Mormons are bad people. I say that all the time. You are simply being silly.

Kandi also posted THIS on my blog:
“Marriage is so important because it is in the bible. It also states that sodomy is a sin and even talks about homosexuality. If everyone were gay we wouldn’t have kids anymore except by artificial means. Does God really want that for us? I have nothing against homosexuals. I love them as anyone else, but that doesn’t mean I have to agree with what they do or that it is right.”

How wonderfully vague. Can you give me an example of WHERE in the Bible marriage is given the emphasis that, say, the Book of Mormon and ESPECIALLY the Doctrine and Covenants give it? Hmm? Please, tell me where.

As for the gay comment, are you freaking kidding me? If gays are allowed to marry, heterosexuals everywhere will suddenly just GIVE UP the ghost and follow the trend? Have you never BEEN to a bar? Okay, bad example.

Have you ever BEEN by a construction site? Or in a junior high or high school hallway?

You must have some gay tendencies yourself if you honestly think that all men and women will suddenly become gay just because it’s legal for two gays to marry each other. That’s the only explanation I can come up with, because YOURS just doesn’t make sense.

I know ENOUGH straight men to guarantee you that will NEVER be a problem. There will always be children born from two heteros bumping nasties. Including more than a few that probably shouldn’t be born. It’s a stupid argument, and I hope you are blushing right now. You don’t really KNOW the reason, do you? That’s okay, neither do the leaders of your church.

Kandi also wrote this:

If you are so Christian, then maybe you should stop badgering the Mormons and get on with your life. Making it seem like we are all weirdos is not Christian either.

That might hold some weight if I were holding myself up as some great Christian example, but trust me, I’m not. I dare you to find one place where I claim to be better than or above anyone else. Frankly, I make just as many mistakes as every other human. Well, maybe not some humans. Thus far, I’ve made it through life without committing murder (Ricky the Racoon does not count!).

But I don’t hold myself up to that higher standard, so again, your comments are silly.

I suspect I rocked your world a little bit. I hope you were listening.