Kandi is Not Giving Me Sugar….

I received a few comments and an email from one of our new friends, Kandi.

The email said:

I just finished reading your book and it troubled me. I know that bad things happen to people but your character, Allison, is so hateful throughout the whole story. I thought she at least would have come to realize that not every Mormon was like her dad. In fact, the tyranny you describe is not common in our church. Men are the patriarchs but they are not dictatorships. My husband told me it was my choice how many kids we have. I can stay at home or work. He helps out around the house and is not abusive. I know there are people that are but you make it sound like all Mormons are this way and it is deeply offending. Why would you go to such great lengths to say all the negative things you did. I have a gay brother inlaw and his family has never disowned him. They don’t agree with his choices but they love him. My first husband committed suicide and there were no judgements there either. In fact, nonmembers who came to the funeral were surprised at our understanding and symapthy toward him. It is not right that you would have anyone who reads your books think all Mormons are as you described. Please try to be fair and not so hateful.
>Sincerely,”
Kandi.

First of all, Kandi, let me just admire your fortitude in making it ALL the way through such a troubling book. I suspect there was much about it you related to, or you would not have kept reading.

You wrote:

I know that bad things happen to people but your character, Allison, is so hateful throughout the whole story.

How said I am for you. How sad that you could not see the heartbreak and damage that Allison experienced. Instead, you chose to condemn her because she is not “pro-Mormon.” What is hateful about a six-year-old child that witnesses a friend’s abduction? What is hateful about a young girl who witnesses her mother’s death, and reacts so strongly? What is hateful about a woman who is terrorized and raped, and who chooses to make a stance and take her life back? Are you one of those “blame the victim” types? That is all I can figure, after reading how “hateful” Allison is throughout the WHOLE story.

You also wrote:

I know there are people that are but you make it sound like all Mormons are this way and it is deeply offending.

Beep, beep, beep. Back it up, Chica. You just said you know there are people that way. YOU ARE RIGHT. I never said all Mormons are that way. Where did I say that? Where does the book even imply that?

More from KandiLand:

Why would you go to such great lengths to say all the negative things you did. I have a gay brother inlaw and his family has never disowned him. They don’t agree with his choices but they love him.

Sweetie? It’s called FICTION. Writing a good story. Perhaps you’ve heard of it? And just because something didn’t happen to YOU or your family doesn’t mean it has NEVER happened. Judging by the email I get, I can guarantee you it does.

As far as your gay brother-in-law, I suspect he doesn’t agree with your choices, either, but he doesn’t get the opportunity to tell you, because NOBODY is on his side. Or wait, maybe he DOES agree with your choices….at least as far as a mate goes.

KandiLand opineth again:

My first husband committed suicide and there were no judgements there either. In fact, nonmembers who came to the funeral were surprised at our understanding and symapthy toward him. It is not right that you would have anyone who reads your books think all Mormons are as you described. Please try to be fair and not so hateful.

The understanding and symapthy just SHINE through your email. I’m sure you were a fabulous example that day, for all the poor heathen non-members. I can promise you that judgments were made that day. From everybody? Probably not. But I will guess more than one person looked in your direction and thought, “wonder what she did to him.” Is this because they were Mormon? No, it’s because they were HUMAN and also living in a repressive society that tends to blame the victims and embrace the patriarchy.

I know lots of nice Mormons. I know nice Catholics, too. Are they all nice? Not even close. As a writer, it is my job to show both sides. Nobody is going to excommunicate me, or fire me, for being honest. I CAN tell the truth. Sadly, I see that you can’t.

I am fair, and I am not hateful. Mormons are good people. Mormons are bad people. I say that all the time. You are simply being silly.

Kandi also posted THIS on my blog:
“Marriage is so important because it is in the bible. It also states that sodomy is a sin and even talks about homosexuality. If everyone were gay we wouldn’t have kids anymore except by artificial means. Does God really want that for us? I have nothing against homosexuals. I love them as anyone else, but that doesn’t mean I have to agree with what they do or that it is right.”

How wonderfully vague. Can you give me an example of WHERE in the Bible marriage is given the emphasis that, say, the Book of Mormon and ESPECIALLY the Doctrine and Covenants give it? Hmm? Please, tell me where.

As for the gay comment, are you freaking kidding me? If gays are allowed to marry, heterosexuals everywhere will suddenly just GIVE UP the ghost and follow the trend? Have you never BEEN to a bar? Okay, bad example.

Have you ever BEEN by a construction site? Or in a junior high or high school hallway?

You must have some gay tendencies yourself if you honestly think that all men and women will suddenly become gay just because it’s legal for two gays to marry each other. That’s the only explanation I can come up with, because YOURS just doesn’t make sense.

I know ENOUGH straight men to guarantee you that will NEVER be a problem. There will always be children born from two heteros bumping nasties. Including more than a few that probably shouldn’t be born. It’s a stupid argument, and I hope you are blushing right now. You don’t really KNOW the reason, do you? That’s okay, neither do the leaders of your church.

Kandi also wrote this:

If you are so Christian, then maybe you should stop badgering the Mormons and get on with your life. Making it seem like we are all weirdos is not Christian either.

That might hold some weight if I were holding myself up as some great Christian example, but trust me, I’m not. I dare you to find one place where I claim to be better than or above anyone else. Frankly, I make just as many mistakes as every other human. Well, maybe not some humans. Thus far, I’ve made it through life without committing murder (Ricky the Racoon does not count!).

But I don’t hold myself up to that higher standard, so again, your comments are silly.

I suspect I rocked your world a little bit. I hope you were listening.

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About Natalie R. Collins

Natalie has more than 30 years writing, editing, proofreading and design experience. She has written 20 books (and counting), has worked for the Sundance Film Festival, and as an investigative journalist, editor, and proofreader. She embraces her gypsy-heart and is following her new free-thinking journey through life. Follow her as she starts over and learns a bunch of life's lessons--some the hard way.
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36 Responses to Kandi is Not Giving Me Sugar….

  1. mommysix says:

    Very well written – and very, very truthful. Keep writing – everything you said to Kandi was right on and very clear. However, years and years of filling brains with one “true” church thoughts, songs, prayers, …. – Just keep writing – perhaps it will get through a baby step at a time. We’ll see what your other friends say about this one – I’ve known and taught a lot of Kandi types in my life – and it will just take time.

    Like

  2. mommysix says:

    Keep on rocking the world, Natalie. You write things so well. Is there a story with Ricky the Racoon?

    Like

  3. I simply must come to Kandi’s defense. Everything she said is right on. You were very harsh to her. Everyone knows that gays are going to hell along with all non mormons.

    Please people on this blog. Please repent and join the true church of Joseph Smith.

    I will continue to pray for you all.

    Molly the Mormon

    Like

  4. Lyndsey says:

    Molly the Mormon, did you receive a personal revelation from God saying who was going to hell and who wasn’t ? Oh wait a minute, you couldn’t have because God only speaks through the prophet. I would hate to think that you might be excommunicated for receiving such communication, you might bring President Hinkley to his demise. I certainly hope “Molly the Mormon” is Howie just pulling our leg. The true church of Joseph Smith, now that is funny. Honestly, it doesn’t sound like you want to pray for us, you just condemned us all to hell.

    Natalie, you rock!

    Like

  5. Cele says:

    I know I should be apalled at something here…I mean besides ignorance and finger pointing. But I’m laughing. Hmmm, I’ve read Wives and Sisters hmmm, what? must be 7 or 8 times. I lie not. I’m trying to think where there was a part in which Ally was being hateful (I mean outside of the normal head butting against something she knows is wrong is just for her.)

    I tend to agree with Natalie that W & S must hit close to home on several levels for Kandi to incite such a reaction. I need to point out a few things here too. So Kandi please open your ears and listen.

    One, you’re a Mormon woman, not a man haven’t you figured out the odds are totally against you? You have no say in many things. I also tend to think that you must live outside of Utah. But that is merely a guess from your email.

    Two, gay is not a choice unless you are going through mid-life crisis and want to try a walk on the wild side. Then it still is not choosing to be gay, but to chooing to walk on the wildside.

    Three, Natalie writes fiction. A noun
    1) A literary work based on the imagination and not necessarily on fact
    2) A deliberately false or improbable account

    While there are actual accounts in W & S that happened in Natalie’s REAL LIFE the book is still fiction. Get a grip girl.

    Hmmm, I wonder if she read Jungle Book or Peter Pan and got as worked up?

    Like

  6. Natalie says:

    Lyndsey, methinks Molly the Mormon is yanking our proverbial chain. Go check out her blog. He he. Follow the PROFIT????

    LOLOL.

    Like

  7. Natalie says:

    No, Molly has her own blog. I don’t think it’s Howy….Although anything is possible. Howy, you doing the sex change thing lately?

    Like

  8. azteclady says:

    There’s a lot of self delusion in that email, a lot of “see how I practice Christian charity? I have a gay b-i-l and *everything*!!!” as a way of making the inevitable judgement feel justified and righteous. Unfortunately for her, Kandi doesn’t write well enough to pull it off.

    Then again, if she were intelligent enough to pull that off, she’d probably be intelligent enough to understand the distinction between “novel” and “reality,” and therefore she wouldn’t have emailed Natalie to complain in the first place.

    Like

  9. Howy says:

    Molly The Mormon cracks me up. Molly is a parody and if you go to her website you should get a chuckle out of “Follow the Profit”. Wish I had created the blog.

    I don’t feel very good about attacking Kandi on the other posting. Consequently, I implied that all religion is bull-pucky. It’s not so much the membership as the leadership that I condemn.

    Last Sunday I went to a self-realization temple to partake of their spiritual fuel. Apparently they embrace all religions as good (wonder if the FLDS is included) and all prophets as holy (Jim Jones?). There was a lot of meditation and an “ohhhmm . . . peace . . . amen” at the end. Admittedly, I went for a spiritual massage (a rough time in my personal life right now) and to check out the women. Yeah . . . I’m a pig . . . oh well. Both were satisfactory. Some peace and mostly bare ring fingers (VERY important) on the women . They had some literature and I’ve been reading about a yogi (not the bear) whose name is unpronounceable and Gandhi. Very enlightening but still not quite what I’m looking for in a group. Getting closer to being serious about starting my own. Howyism, kinda rolls off the tongue, eh?! The search goes on. Next week I’ll check out CA New Age. Surely it has to be different, maybe better, than UT New Age (I liked that).

    Please forgive me if I hurt feelings with my previous rant about religion. If it makes you feel better then who the heck am I to condemn it. Since we’re here very briefly lap up whatever makes your putter flutter and die in bliss. Just don’t hurt anybody in the process.

    Like

  10. Kandi says:

    I was not raised in the church so my belief comes from much study and prayer. I have read some anti Mormon literature and none of it has convinced me that the Gospel of Jesus Christ is not true, and that is what we have. Nothing any of you say can change my mind…but that is okay. It did not hit too close to home and I only finished reading it so I could defend such crap to the friend who gave it to me. I KNOW it was fiction but obviously the author has found some of these things to exist or she wouldn’t have written about them. I did feel sorry for Allison but I have known people who have gone through such things and didn’t blame anyone but the person responsible for the act itself not a whole church. All churches, pyscyatrists and lawyers have a confidentiality agreement. I don’t agree with keeping murder ,rape, etc.. a secret from the authorities but that is something that was in effect. And I only seeing you tell one side of the story not both. Your right, I don’t live in Utah but I have lots of family that does and they do not behave the way you describe either. And I surely don’t believe everyone but Mormons are going to Hell and neither does any other Mormon that truly understands the Gospel of Jesus Christ. As for marraige in the Bible, 1 Timothy 4:12, 1 Corinthians 6:16-20, 1 Corinthians 7:2, Luke 20:34.
    My husband and I are EQUAL partners. I have a say in any decision made. I am sorry if you don’t. Keep demeaning me, I don’t really care. I respect all people I just think that the same should occur for Mormons. I don’t believe in saying any church is wrong because they all have good things.

    Like

  11. Cele says:

    Totally confused, I ventured to Molly Mormon’s blog. Striking resemblance to the late Sandra Dee. So Molly wanna go surfing sometime? Molly’s writing reminds me of Tongue and Cheek Harpoonist Savannah Says http://www.savannahsays.com/ – but with less alcohol and more religion and no UFO sightings or dating advice.

    Like

  12. Oh, I assure you that my blog is not a parady. I must apologize to all true believers for my mistaken spelling of Prophet. I am not the best speller. I will update my blogernacle as soon as I can.

    I haven’t condemned any of you to hell, God did.
    I will pray on your behalf in order to soften your hearts so you can accept Joseph Smith into your lives.

    Remember, he wants you for a Sunbeam.

    Molly the Mormon

    Like

  13. Cele,

    Many people have remarked that I resemble Sandra Dee. I take that as quite a complement. In fact, I made that dress myself and posed for that picture in a way to look like Sandra.

    Thank you for noticing.

    You just got a Sunbeam point.

    Molly the Moron

    Like

  14. Cele says:

    Damn no surfing. So sad. She must be land locked in her fight against Satin.

    Like

  15. Earl the Elder says:

    Molly, are you married? I must confess I haven’t visited your webpage yet. You sound positively peachy. What ward are you in?

    Earl the Elder

    Like

  16. Cele says:

    Molly save your sunbeam, I’m Quaker, I have my own light. 🙂

    Like

  17. Earl the Elder says:

    Molly, sweetie, you dropped an “m” when you signed your last entry. How can anyone as shiny as you be a moron?

    Earl

    Like

  18. Natalie says:

    Sunbeam point???? ROFLMAO.

    Like

  19. Kris says:

    Hehehehehehehe *SNORT*…did I just snort out loud? Sorry about that.

    Can I just say I think they all sound like porn stars…”Kandi”, “Molly the Mormon”, “Earl the Elder”…you are being taken over Natalie!

    K.

    Like

  20. Earl you little devil,

    I am very happily married to my husband Peter and we have 4 sons and 3 daughters, but thanks for asking.

    You get a Sunbeam point for that question.

    Molly the Mormon

    Like

  21. Natalie says:

    I know! They’re starting to scare me!!!

    Like

  22. kandi says:

    Where is the comment I left yesterday?

    Like

  23. kandi says:

    I see it but why is it still waiting “moderation”?

    Like

  24. Kris says:

    May I be so bold as to say to you Kandi…it is probably because you are acting like a freak, you and your porno friends. We are tired of you. And yes, this is coming to you from an active member of the LDS church. Give it up.

    K.

    Like

  25. Earl the Elder says:

    Porno? Now I’m hurt. This from a sister in the church . . . shame on you. Where did you get porno from my message? Just trying to be friendly.

    Like

  26. Natalie says:

    There were a few comments caught in the spam filter, and I have now released them. So if you commented and it was missing, that is why. Unless you are that Free Casino or Hot Horny Housewives guy. THOSE I deleted. Sorry folks.

    Like

  27. desi says:

    Natalie,
    I do hate to be the one who changes a topic. BUT I’M DIEING HERE!
    WHENNNN, IS YOUR NEW BOOK COMING OUT?

    Like

  28. Natalie says:

    Hey Desi,

    BEHIND CLOSED DOORS comes out January 2. It’s looming near now.

    Like

  29. Tim says:

    SAN DIEGO SUPER CHARGERS!
    YEAH! GO CHARGERS!!!

    If games weren’t played on Sunday maybe your patriarchs would allow a NFL team to come to SLC. The only way out of this dilemma is to breed your way to a majority.
    GO HEATHENS, GO HEATHENS, GO HEATHENS!
    YOU CAN DO IT! YOU CAN DO IT ALL NIGHT LONG!

    Like

  30. MLBower says:

    I must say, Natalie, that I found your website and blog so thought provoking that I was driven to order a book from Amazon. It definitely had a profound effect on me. The effect was sleepiness because I couldn’t put it down. I am loaning it to some of my non-Mormon friends also. With all of the Mormon reading I seem to be doing lately, my sort of Catholic husband wants to know when he gets his next wife. LOL

    Kandi, honey, you must be so proud of how graciously you tolerate your brother-in-law. I guess you get some sunshine, rainbow, and pink triangle points too. Now, you have said that Natalie was not fair in her book and only showed one side of the story. Well, the book was written in the first person. The only point of view that would have been shown would be Allison’s. Maybe Allison can only see one side of the story. Further, Natalie has stated in previous blogs that her FICTION is set within the confines of the Mormon reliegion because that is what she knows. There would be far less detail if she tried to describe the household of a Jewish family.

    And for you, Molly the Moron (Your words, not mine), you really crack me up. Have you read your own site? You cannot possibly think that gays will stay straight if they chop wood instead of shop. If a person is contemplating being gay….chances are good that they are gay and just haven’t acted on it. You seem to be really sure of yourself pointing out who will being going to hell and who won’t. It is probably just my opinion, but Judgement Day is called that for a reason. It the decision is as cut and dry as you seem to think , judgement would not be necessary.

    I might as well end my comment with a real bang so here goes: The argument most Christians use against homosexuals come from Leviticus stating that a man shall not lay with another man as he does a woman. Well, if my understanding of the practice is correct, they don’t. One of them has to turn around.

    Like

  31. Bishop Rick says:

    MLB,

    Uh, men do that with women too….so I’ve heard.

    Like

  32. Earl the Elder says:

    Chop wood?

    Like

  33. MLBower says:

    Earl the Elder, on Molly’s website, she suggests that men who are gay or are contemplating being gay to play football or chop firewood instead of shopping. It would seem that shopping can turn men into homosexuals and also keep women from turning lesbian.

    Bishop Rick, it was a small attempt at humor. In all honesty, I don’t care what people do or how they do as long as I don’t have to see it. That goes for gay or strait.

    Like

  34. Bishop Rick says:

    MLB,

    My comment was also a small attempt at humor.
    Some things are funnier heard than read.

    Oh well, I have to go chop some wood now.

    Like

  35. Earl the Elder says:

    You know, I’m very gay when chopping wood because I know it’s going to help my family stay warm. When we have our family home evenings, sitting in front of a roaring fire, basking in the glow of our love for each other and our Heavenly Father – we’re all gay. I’m gay when playing football or thinking about some fun activities that I can do with my family or other ward members. Plus, if you have a disability and can’t chop your own wood or play football, you can go shopping for your wood and watch football at the stadium or on television. Now that would make anybody gay. So go ahead chop, shop and block. Be gay!

    Earl

    Like

  36. Natalie says:

    LOLOLOL. Damn, you guys are cracking me up! MLBower, thanks for the kudos on my book, and I’m TELLING you, I loved your comment!!!

    Like

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