I am NOT a Mormon, but I play one on TV….

I am in Phoenix at Thrillerfest, but I logged in to post about my experiences here, and noticed I had two very funny comments. I know, I know, my sense of humor is warped. But here they are (I’ve changed the email to protect the, uh, well, the….whatever):

Name: bob from canada | E-mail: s15868@xxxxxxxx
hey im not a mormon but it does sound pretty true. and if you say it’s fake look at scientology. it’s about aliens who came from a different planet. it was made by a sci fi author who said “the best way to get money is to start a religion.” also if their church didn’t send out misionaries why wouldn’t it be true

Dear Bob. Despite the fact I am about to prove you ARE in fact, A) a Mormon; B) Also using the name James; and C) Either schizophrenic or terribly confused–or both–I’ll humor you. At least as best I can.

It actually DOESN’T sound pretty true, and if I were you, I’d be careful throwing around accusations about sci fi authors who talk about aliens from a different planet. While I understand the “LOOK OVER THERE” theory of religion you are trying to use (a theory that basically calls attention to someone ELSE’S weird beliefs so no one will notice yours), your prophet Joseph Smith had some pretty strong SCIFI leanings himself. Why, just consider Kolob. See, that’s an entirely different planet. And Mormons believe in it. There’s also some proof that Joseph Smith taught the MOON was inhabited, but of course, people tried to shut that down by attacking the source.

As far as MISSIONARIES going out proving it’s true, I should point out that Jehovah’s Witnesses also proselytize. Does that mean THEY have the truth, too? You are SOME sucker if you believe that. You are RIPE material for Mormon missionaries… Oh wait. Let’s read the NEXT email.

Name: James | E-mail: s15868@xxxxxxxx

Saying that all mormons are bad is false. not one of them are perfect no one else is . If a lds commits a sin it doesn’t mean everyone else does that. we are being accused of being a cult or a fake church. Maybe you should do some research. Our church is doing our best to be like church jesus christ started 2000 years ago. remnder people who commit adultary, murder people, and molest children are not just mormons they could be lutheran, catholic, or athiast. Mormons are asked by the prophets tokeep their bodies, minds and spirits clean.

See, JimBob, if you are going to TRY to pretend to be two different people, you probably shoudn’t leave the SAME email address. Not a Mormon my ass. Interesting tactic, but I think I’ll pass. I do not SAY all Mormons are bad. Probably ought to do read a little before you make that assumption. Probably ought to DO the research you tell ME to do. Did the research, got the T-shirt, read your email and laughed my ass off. You’ve been lead astray. YOU do the research. I know that Mormons aren’t the only ones who kill, molest, abuse or cheat. I’ve said that repeatedly. Start listening.

Now, back to your regularly scheduled programming.


About Natalie R. Collins

Natalie has more than 30 years writing, editing, proofreading and design experience. She has written 20 books (and counting), has worked for the Sundance Film Festival, and as an investigative journalist, editor, and proofreader. She embraces her gypsy-heart and is following her new free-thinking journey through life. Follow her as she starts over and learns a bunch of life's lessons--some the hard way.
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12 Responses to I am NOT a Mormon, but I play one on TV….

  1. Cele says:

    Same email address…too funny. A new country song…. “Mormon’s Lie Too!”


  2. LMAO… Gotta love it.


  3. Elaine says:

    I think they may be handing out talking points now.

    I wrote (belatedly) about the Nielsen firing and some related issues on my blog a couple of days ago and, almost before I had the thing posted up I got a long comment from a woman who also used a form of “don’t say that about all Mormons”, when I fairly clearly hadn’t said anything about “all Mormons” anywhere in the post. I went back and read it again to make sure that I hadn’t, because I hadn’t intented to.

    The comment made me wonder, though…why are so many Mormons so defensive? Is it the fact that the church teaches, relishes even, the idea that the church and the members will be persecuted? Do they use the defenses they mount as a way to convince themselves that the church is true? I honestly just don’t get it.

    And, oh, concerning that first message you got…I’ve been convinced for a number of years that a case can be made that Mormonism is a UFO cult. 🙂



  4. Elaine says:

    Oops! “Intented”? Make that “intended”.


  5. azteclady says:

    Natalie, if JimBo read at all–let alone researched before spewing–he might discover that there’s a slight possibility things are not quite what they seem with Mormonism as an institution. God forbid *that* ever happened!


  6. Joe Smith says:

    Not an LDS member but thought I’d use the “prophetic” namesake for posting purposes – (real name: Gerry) anywho – seems to me that LDS beliefs are really not any stranger than most other religious beliefs – I mean think about it – 1.Moses claimed 2 talk face 2 face w/ the Big guy in the Sky according to Exodus – miracles are attributed to him – he led his people – supposedly revealed the Torah (law – pentateuch) etc… 2. Muhammad same thing – visions of an angel – revealed scripture – miracles – led a nation yadda yadda (o yea this guy was a polygamist too…lol) So I guess my point is the Mormon story isn’t really any more far fetched than other religious his-stories! So what’s the big deal? faith is faith – some of it’s ridiculous but then again if it wasn’t maybe it wouldn’t be faith afterall? Just my thoughts – not much – but hey…”If you don’t kiss Hanks Butt – He’ll kick the crap out of you!” (inside joke & I’m the only one in here…)


  7. Natalie says:

    Hey Joe/Gerry. Familiar with Kissing Hanks Butt, so I guess there is two of us.


  8. kd says:

    The SciFi writer analogy goes bad with Joseph Smith. Mr. Smith predates Science Fiction. Most historians trace SciFi back to 1818 when Mary Shelley told the tale of a young doctor named Frankenstein. The folk in the world of Joseph Smith really didn’t have enough for their active imaginations. Smith was part of that first American generation where people were encouraged to start thinking, writing and publishing thoughts.

    It seems to me that a better description is that Smith was a Napolean Wannabe.

    Anyway, the danger of Mormonism isn’t in its quaint fairy tale thoughts, but in its twisted dialectics. Mormonism twisted the American concept of freedom into free agency. Free agency doesn’t say freedom is a good thing. With free agency freedom is a test. Actually being free is a failure of the test. (NOTE, this is similar to tricks pulled by Kant and Hegel.)

    Blood atonement is another good example of a nasty dialectical twist. Killing the people the prophet wants dead is a favor to the people being killed as it is their only path to heaven.

    The quaint beliefs are simple quaint believes. The scary thing about Mormonism is that they built a hierarchy that focuses a great deal of power into the very small number of people at the top of they pyramid. The power structure and a dialectical system that can be twisted to justify attrocities are the things to watch … not the silly quaint oddities.


  9. Moon says:

    If SciFi began in 1818, and the BOM was written in 1825, doesn’t that mean it could be science fiction? what about the book of Abraham? Our sun being powered by Kolob?

    By the way, LOVED the fable about kissing hank’s ass.


  10. Marco says:

    Oh what a discovery ! This website is just delightfull. 🙂 Full of vulgarity, weird analogies with mormonism, a great, dark & scary graphic… Man, that looks really like a big show, out here… 🙂 Wow, Joseph Smith thought the moon was inhabbited ? What a great deal ! 🙂 At that time, many people thought that. Oh that’s right. I forgot that a prophet is supposed to be inspired all the time : when he wakes, when he eats, when he thinks, when he talks and when he dreams. Funny how people can make up wrong images of what prophets should be or not… But sad also because of the deception it brings when those high hopes are not fullfilled… Funny also that guy who talks about freedom, free agency and twisted dialectic. What if I say that his analysis is somwhat biased, because what HE thinks freedom is (e.g. doing all the things contrary to the Gospel) is not exactly what I think it is – or someone else : an atheist, a muslim, a buddhist, etc. Looks like for him, failure to freedom is following Christ… Exactly the opposite. 🙂 Quite interesting statement anyway. Before talking about “twisted dialectic”, maybe we should start with real definition of freedom. And then we’ll see who is twisting what…

    Oh well… Anyway, visiting this site was worth it. 🙂 I’m going right away to write my excommunication letter to the Church. I’ve been convinced : mormonism is baaaaad, and happily, there’s here a bunch of people who are tapping in each other’s back to persuade themeselves of that solid truth… 🙂

    Bonne chance! 😉


    (I doubt my message will pass the test, but well, at least I had some fun writing it…)


  11. Ramona says:

    well, I’m afraid I didn’t get any of the last entry. I must be stupid or something. My only beef would be that you hear so much of them being all about “family”. They have to have so many kids to aspire to that place on high and lead (which of course only men can do). But yet, in many cases, and of course it is the cases in the public eye, you see a lot of abuse, you see marriages of child brides to older men, and the list goes on. I don’t see these things as being “family” oriented…I just see them as sick. But to do them in the name of religion and then have people in the Church cover it up is just plain wrong. That’s not to say that other religions don’t cover things up…look at Catholicism and the number of little boys being molested by priests and it being covered up. At any rate….there are so many secrets within the Mormon Church. I grew up with friends that were Mormon, and they shared some things with me that used to make my skin crawl!


  12. Enos says:

    Hi, just want to put in my 2 cents worth. I’ve gotten a couple of peeks into the workings of the Mormon hierarchy since I’m a relative of Clate W. Mask Jr’s little sister. Imagine these perks for regional mission pres: a credit card with no limit, servants, while living in a rich neigborhood in Spain. I chuckled when Clate’s nephew recounted a story of Clate watching soft porn on the kitchen tv while complaining to his servant about the quality of the hot chocolate. Now Clate is in the 2nd Quorum of the Seventies, living in a mansion in Mexico City. God only knows how many servants and perks he has now.


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