I know you people think I make this shit up, but I assure you I do not.
Today I had a booksigning at the Borders in the Crossroads Mall. Since I don’t live really close to Salt Lake City, and I spend most of time with my head buried in deadline hell, I was sort of oblivious to the fact that the Crossroads Mall pretty much does NOT exist anymore. There is nothing there, as far as I could see, except for Borders and Nordstroms. Everyone else has packed up and gone fishing. All the stores were closed up with those metal gates over the fronts, and signs of their relocation on the walls, and only a few people wandered through the doors, from time to time.
Perplexed by the ghost town status of the mall, I called my sister, who gave me the skinny.
Seems the Mormons BOUGHT the Crossroads Mall, and are now systematically kicking everyone out so they can give it a “makeover.” They also own the ZCMI Center across the street, which pretty much gives them a monopoly of about three blocks. What’s next? When I started researching, I also discovered they bought the Triad Center, too, and it’s starting to get a little freaky, especially when you consider that SLC is only about 45 percent Mormon, as opposed to much of Utah.
Are they trying to build their own little Vatican so they can continue to rule all matters in Utah? Is it only a short time before LDS Inc. will have it’s own zip code? And what was I thinking, agreeing to a signing there? Note to self: Next time, DO RESEARCH.
Why does this stuff always surprise me? Needless to say, my signing was not a huge success. After all, there is no mall traffic. Just stray visitors coming in from across the street where they visit Temple Square. While the tourists don’t mind me, the faithful do not love me.
Still, the Borders employees were very, very nice, and I chatted for a good half hour with a Trailways Bus Driver named Roland (Hey, Roland! Here’s a shout out to you!) and also a nice lady, formerly from Utah, now living in Hong Kong, both of whom bought my book. I also got a chance to meet the owner of the Mormon Curtain Web site, Michael Hoenie, and that was cool.
More than one Temple Square devotee picked my book up and read the back, then put it down with a “hmmph.” I have heard this “hmmph” before, and know how to interpret it. It’s the “you are a heathen anti-Christ anti-Mormon” hmmph.
I walked through the mall before I left, and I have to tell you, it was a very sad sight. Thank God my next signing, tomorrow at 1 p.m., is in Sugarhouse. So far, the Church hasn’t spread that far…..