Mormons Take Over the World, One Mall at a Time…

I know you people think I make this shit up, but I assure you I do not.

Today I had a booksigning at the Borders in the Crossroads Mall. Since I don’t live really close to Salt Lake City, and I spend most of time with my head buried in deadline hell, I was sort of oblivious to the fact that the Crossroads Mall pretty much does NOT exist anymore. There is nothing there, as far as I could see, except for Borders and Nordstroms. Everyone else has packed up and gone fishing. All the stores were closed up with those metal gates over the fronts, and signs of their relocation on the walls, and only a few people wandered through the doors, from time to time.

Perplexed by the ghost town status of the mall, I called my sister, who gave me the skinny.

Seems the Mormons BOUGHT the Crossroads Mall, and are now systematically kicking everyone out so they can give it a “makeover.” They also own the ZCMI Center across the street, which pretty much gives them a monopoly of about three blocks. What’s next? When I started researching, I also discovered they bought the Triad Center, too, and it’s starting to get a little freaky, especially when you consider that SLC is only about 45 percent Mormon, as opposed to much of Utah.

Are they trying to build their own little Vatican so they can continue to rule all matters in Utah? Is it only a short time before LDS Inc. will have it’s own zip code? And what was I thinking, agreeing to a signing there? Note to self: Next time, DO RESEARCH.

Why does this stuff always surprise me? Needless to say, my signing was not a huge success. After all, there is no mall traffic. Just stray visitors coming in from across the street where they visit Temple Square. While the tourists don’t mind me, the faithful do not love me.

Still, the Borders employees were very, very nice, and I chatted for a good half hour with a Trailways Bus Driver named Roland (Hey, Roland! Here’s a shout out to you!) and also a nice lady, formerly from Utah, now living in Hong Kong, both of whom bought my book. I also got a chance to meet the owner of the Mormon Curtain Web site, Michael Hoenie, and that was cool.

More than one Temple Square devotee picked my book up and read the back, then put it down with a “hmmph.” I have heard this “hmmph” before, and know how to interpret it. It’s the “you are a heathen anti-Christ anti-Mormon” hmmph.

I walked through the mall before I left, and I have to tell you, it was a very sad sight. Thank God my next signing, tomorrow at 1 p.m., is in Sugarhouse. So far, the Church hasn’t spread that far…..

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About Natalie R. Collins

Natalie has more than 30 years writing, editing, proofreading and design experience. She has written 20 books (and counting), has worked for the Sundance Film Festival, and as an investigative journalist, editor, and proofreader. She embraces her gypsy-heart and is following her new free-thinking journey through life. Follow her as she starts over and learns a bunch of life's lessons--some the hard way.
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10 Responses to Mormons Take Over the World, One Mall at a Time…

  1. Cele says:

    While the whole prospect of people losing their jobs because the Mormons are buying up town is pretty scarry. Don’t Mormons need jobs too? Oh shit, maybe that is what’s happening here too.

    Hey btw Natalie, do you have to be Mormon to be able to cook Funeral Potatoes?

    Like

  2. Cele says:

    Ha ha ha, okay I just googled Funeral Potatoes, I figured wtf you can google anything…and now I know the recipe I have known as Debbie’s Potatoes or Dee Dee’s Potatoes (because my sister makes them all the time) Are
    FUNERAL POTATOES!!!!!!!!!

    Like

  3. Cele says:

    SuYO, I’m not sure why you are apologizing. Natalie’s blog is theraputic in a few different ways, to me one of the great things about blogs is community. Sharing your feelings and getting input from others. Sometimes we just comment, other times rant, and often find validation in our emotions and feelings.

    Wasn’t W&S great? Natalie writes live characters, when you close the back cover Allison and Jake are still breathing in your mind. The story and characters make you think and feel, and consider. I rank it as one of my favorite all time books.

    People make their own marshmellows. Way kewl.

    Like

  4. Natalie says:

    Someone actually made funeral potatoes with INSTANT POTATOES???? Blasphemy!!!

    And Suyo, of course you are welcome here. And I loved your explanation of the Mall Crisis. I was stunned. I knew they bought and commandeered Main Street, and that they were slowly trying to explode outward and swallow up the rest of SLC, but it was still shocking to see firsthand.

    Like

  5. Howy says:

    No shit. Had no idea they were buying downtown. Good for them. Next they should build a giant wall around downtown and gather their flock . . .

    Like

  6. Dave says:

    I am looking forward to your signing in logan. I will try to have a few more people in the store (Borders) than what it sounds like you had at the crossroads store.

    Like

  7. Natalie says:

    Dave,

    Now THAT would be awesome! I worry a bit about signing in such conservative bookstores. So the more support I have, the easier it will be.

    Like

  8. kd says:

    The Mormons always owned the land under the mall. Crossroads Mall was operated through a leasing arrangement.

    Before the building of Crossroads Mall, Main Street South of the Malls was the prime shopping district in Salt Lake. The Mall drained Main and put a large number of independent small stores out of business.

    Personally, I think the decision to put two malls across the street from eachother was the single stupidest zoning decision made in Salt Lake Lake’s history. It put locally owned businesses under in favor of comglomerates. Of course, many of the stores on South Main were owned by gentiles; So they don’t really count as people in the eyes of the powers that be.

    Like

  9. Idahoan says:

    I have to say, this makes me a little sad. I used to drive down to SLC every year with my girlfriends from highschool through college and Christmas shop there. How disappointed I would have been to find it essentially deserted. Bummer. Better to find out this way I suppose.

    Any ideas on why they would want to own a mall, and then drive everyone out? What is to be had for that? What kind of business decisions are these idiots making anyway?

    Like

  10. Natalie says:

    Idahoan,

    I haven’t heard details. They say they are going to give it a makeover. I think they are trying to get a complete monopoly on downtown so that the only people that will want to go there are active Mormons, which is sad, because there are lots of REALLY COOL people that are NOT Mormon.

    Like

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