First Stick-up-the-Ass Awards of the Year go to Larry Miller and Gayle Ruzicka

Utah Millionaire Larry Miller, who is the owner of the Utah Jazz, a bunch of car dealerships, and tons of other stuff, including some movie theatres, has found himself in the center of controversy. Miller is many things to Utah, but first and foremost, he is a prominent Mormon.

Apparently, after a Utah radio station called to interview him about the movie Brokeback Mountain, which was scheduled to run in his theatres, Miller discovered the theme of the movie. Up until that point, he was sort of in the closet, er, uh, I mean in the dark, about the movie’s theme. In a short summation, two gay cowboys carry on a 20-year relationship. Miller’s theatre regularly runs slasher flicks, all manner of R-rated movies, and has no policy against blood and guts movies, or sexually explicit movies, but there WILL BE NO GAY COWBOYS IN HIS THEATRE. How does one explain this strange reaction? How does one JUSTIFY running movies where teenagers are gutted and impaled while having premarital sex, but a tender love story between TWO MEN, a story that is garnering kudos, Golden Globe nominations up the proverbial ying yang and more, is NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

It must be the gay cowboys. Because, well doggies, gay cowboys? Whatever is this world coming to? We’ll have none of that gay cowboy shit in Utah. I mean, WHO comes up with this stuff? Everyone knows that cowboys are NEVER gay. Why, the sheer manliness of their profession leads one to surmise that cowboys could NEVER be gay. Rugged and gay generally don’t go hand in hand. Gays are redecorating the world and doing the hair of the stars and–at least in the case of females–winning golf tournaments. At least in stereotype-land. And apparently, that is where MILLER LIVES, along with a good deal of the rest of Utah. Because he thought Brokeback Mountain was about cowboys. Just cowboys. And as we have just discussed, cowboys are NOT gay. Ever. Ever ever.

Well, when Mormon Miller descovered that the fabulous film about cowboys just HAPPENS to be about GAY cowboys, well, that was too much to take. So he pulled the film from his theatres. Without viewing it, of course. Why watch the film and see what it is ACTUALLY about before condemning it? Another thing we are big on in Utah. Condemning things we have not yet seen or read. Happened to me ALL the time with WIVES AND SISTERS. The majority of angry Mormons condemning had NEVER READ IT.

As a result of Miller’s actions, the movie is getting even MORE press, and Utah and Miller are getting even more DAMAGING press.

And much of the United States is embracing the movie. Good for them. And shame on Utah, Larry Miller, and especially Gayle Ruzicka, president of the Eagle Forum, whose only real accomplishment in life, as far as I can see, is populating half this earth with children and walking around with a big stick up her ass.

The majority of homophobia comes from fear. We fear what we don’t understand.

And frankly, pulling Brokeback Mountain from his theatres dumps Larry Miller RIGHT in the middle of the group of the BIGGEST HYPOCRITES IN THE WORLD. Consider what he runs, on a daily basis, at his theatre. The fact he pulled a GAY THEMED movie from the theatre SHOUTS of his bigotry.

Randy Harward, at New West Network, summed it up REALLY well.

“What is worse? Man-on-Man, or Man-On-Granny?” He he.

Ruzicka, meanwhile, told the Deseret News:

“I think it sets an example for all the people in Utah and, like I said before, he’s my new hero,” said Gayle Ruzicka, president of the Utah Eagle Forum. “It’s such a terrible show, and it is such a horrible message. I just think (pulling the show) tells the young people especially that maybe there is something wrong with this show.”

God forbid if Gayle Ruzicka EVER calls me her hero. (I know, I know, it will NEVER happen.) But still, that would be the darkest day of my life. Gee, Gayle, what are the odds you haven’t even SEEN the film? But please, call it horrible. You, after all, in your infinite wisdom-ness, and your Godly calling as the moral THERMOMETER for Utah, KNOW what the rest of us heathens don’t. At this point, I might note that thermometers get stuck up rather unsightly places also, sort of like that STICK that has to be irritating you. No wonder you find people to pick on.

And you apparently have NO clue what young people think, because you just guaranteed that they are going to flock to it EN MASSE just by your statement.

While I enjoy making fun of you and Miller and the rest of the silly idiots, really, you are doing the film a big favor. The press alone will guarantee it’s success. So, perhaps, Gayle, I can send you a copy of WIVES AND SISTERS. It’s guaranteed to get that stick a-wiggling and get you all irritated. Just send me your address….