Porno Does Provo

I recently caught some ads for a new Mormon movie that looked pretty amusing to me. Unfortunately for the makers of this movie, things aren’t going really well right now.

The movie is called Sons of Provo, the story of a Mormon Boy Band called Everclean. The name itself is funny–a Google searched turned up Ever Clean as a brand of cat litter–as is the entire concept.

Consider the lyrics from their theme song.

Everclean, cleaner than Listerine
Mellower than Dramamine
Not even close to obscene

Once again I have to send kudos to Halestorm Entertainment, a production company that is apparently made up of mostly believing Mormons (I don’t know this for fact, so don’t quote me, but that DOES seem to be the image they are promoting), catering to mostly believing Mormons, but TOTALLY capable of making fun of the entire culture of Mormonism. Actually, I’ve watched a few Halestorm Mormon movies, and they do have a unique ability to make fun of Mormon culture while maintaining their “values.” The RM was pretty damn funny, even if the “bad boy” did end up learning his lesson at the end, when I was rooting for the RM to come over the dark side. What can I say. I’m Ms. Dark and Twisted.

This movie looks even more funny than The RM, with over-the-top stereotypical Mormon characters. And somehow, it got a PG rating. What is UP with that? Why would a Mormon film be rated PG? Did they go wild and crazy with the hecks and dangs? Can you get EVEN get a PG rating for that? Did they drink caffeinated Coca Cola and Mountain Dew with wild abandon?

Perhaps the essence of the movie itself is just attracting the wrong kind of karma, at least if you are a true believing Mormon, since all the descriptions of the characters make them seem kind of like, well, they’re playing for the other team. I haven’t seen the movie, so I can’t confirm this, but one is an aerobics instructor, one a professional scrapbooker, and the other a student of eastern philosophy with a minor in LDS Church history. (This is just SO wrong on SO many levels that I just can’t even begin to tell you. I laughed for twenty minutes just reading the film synopsis.)

The Des News article I read (the actual Des News, not the Tribune which I call Des News II)claimed the film is squeaky-clean Mormon fun (but what about that PG rating? Hmmm?).
But things went haywire with Sons of Provo, not in the making of the movie, but in the distribution. Somehow, when it was at the distributors, it got mixed up with a film that is slightly more questionable–although the OTHER film’s makers claim it is NOT a porno. The Mormons ain’t buying it. So, instead of Sons of Provo, we have Sons of Porno.

The independent film is unrated but is not pornographic, said Corey Eubanks, spokesman for Wolfe Video, the largest distributor of films featuring gay and lesbian characters and stories. However, the film does contain sexual situations and centers around a gay porn star.
“It’s a very heartwarming film about a porn star that reconnects with his family,” Eubanks said. “It’s not a porn film at all. It’s just about someone who is a porn actor.”
Both “Adored” and “Sons of Provo” hired the same Los Angeles company to make copies of their movies for mass DVD sales. Somewhere in the distribution process, “Adored” movies got mixed in with “Sons of Provo” DVDs and were shipped to Utah, said George Dayton, who oversees HaleStorm’s business affairs.
HaleStorm refuses to hire any company that distributes pornographic films, Dayton said. However, attorneys for HaleStorm and the distribution company are arguing over whether “Adored” is, indeed, pornographic.
“This is hugely damaging,” Dayton said. “We don’t want our consumers to associate anything with us, whether it’s some soft-core title or whatever, I don’t know. But certainly this title doesn’t lend itself to good, clean family or LDS-centered entertainment.”
HaleStorm Entertainment executives recalled “Sons of Provo” and ordered a new shipment that could be back on shelves as early as this week, Dayton said.

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About Natalie R. Collins

Natalie has more than 30 years writing, editing, proofreading and design experience. She has written 20 books (and counting), has worked for the Sundance Film Festival, and as an investigative journalist, editor, and proofreader. She embraces her gypsy-heart and is following her new free-thinking journey through life. Follow her as she starts over and learns a bunch of life's lessons--some the hard way.
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One Response to Porno Does Provo

  1. I am doing some back reading of your posts and I had to say something.

    ha, ha, ha, ha, ha LMAO

    GAWD this was worth being born under the covenant. I will have to tell my hubby.

    Cynthia

    Like

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