Your 15 Minutes Are Over…Bubi

As much fun as I’ve had with my young, immature friend Rand, I think it’s best we usher him back to anonymity, mostly because he’s a minor. A pretty MINOR minor at that.

Plus all his cute teenage friends are emailing me now to tell me how AWESOME he is, and since they are, like, totally MINORS, too, and, um, I suspect their parents would not appreciate our correspondence, the time has come to say no more.

I had great fun during our time together, Rand, but alas, it’s not meant to be. I mean, I am SOOO totally over you, dude. You don’t rock.

I don’t care what Megan, Emily, Ashley and Maria have to say. You just don’t quite do it for me.

Although I do have to end all this with a quote from Maria’s cute email to me.

Hey um im emailing you cause I know rand And hes a pretty cool GUy!! RAnD iS AWSOME!!!!!
He’s got great standards!!!! Mormons Rock!!!! You must really not know us if your talkin nonsense about us mormons!! MOrmons are the greatest people you can ever converse and trust in!!! Now I admit there are some mormons that don’t follow the Mormon standards but you gotta remember were not perfect and wat they do we know is wrong. BUt US MORMONS ARe GreaT PeapLE!!!!!!!
Thank you very much! And i hope you think were great people now! And realy get to know who we are and what we believe in!

Thank YOU, Maria. I agree. You Mormons rock. Totally. You have great standards, too. Are those the basketball type standards? I’m sure glad you wrote to tell me that you Mormons were cool, because otherwise I would never have realized it. My life has been changed. The Holy Ghost has spoken to me, and I realize the error of my ways. Okay? Bubi.

*Is she gone yet? Phew.*

As I might have mentioned before, I do NOT dislike Mormons. I’m not fond of the religion itself, and I feel bad that an entire generation of Mormons are being raised to believe there has NEVER been polygamy practiced in the LDS Church, and there is NO belief that it ever WILL be practiced, but that’s the way it goes. I’m sure the Mountain Meadows Massacre is Greek to them, and that the Adam/God Doctrine is gobbledly-gook, too. Mormons were probably NEVER racist, sexist, or elitest, either.

The funny thing is, I remember thinking the same things. I don’t hate these kids who are writing to me. Even Rand, arrogant and offensive though he may be. We were TAUGHT these things as kids. When you are told you have the only true thing, from the day you are old enough to understand what your parents are saying, and when you repeat it day in and day out, your entire young life, OF COURSE you are going to think it’s true. And sooner or later, you are going to tell SOMEONE else that it’s true, because that’s what you’ve been taught.

I’m going to end this with a message to Rand.

I’m sure you are a sincere young man, with a deep desire to spread your gospel, and set a good example. You aren’t doing it here, though. You have become so firm in your belief, in all that you have been told all your life, that you have gone from believing to arrogant, and that is a dangerous road. Somewhere in the next few years, you will suffer a great fall, and you may or may not recover from it. As you mature, you will be presented with some facts that you will not be able to reconcile with what you have been taught all your life. The fact you searched me out on the Internet tells me you have a great curiousity for these things. As you mature, that curiousity is going to get you into places you aren’t reckoning for. Those around you, your family, your bishop, your advisors, would tell you NOT to search out people like me, or resources like this, because it will weaken your testimony. The reason why, though, is not something they will share.

You are at the place that every young Mormon is at, before they reach mental maturity. But as you mature your reasoning skills and logic skills will mature, and one day you will wake up and say, “Wait a minute. This doesn’t make sense.”

At this point, you will go one of four ways.

1. You will begin researching, realize it’s a load of crap, and leave the church. Some do this with a ton of anger, because everything they have been told their entire lives is crap. They drink too much, sleep around, maybe do drugs, in short, throw the baby out with the bath water. If MORMONISM isn’t true, then nothing can be true. I’d advise against this path, if at all possible.

2. You will begin researching, find things you don’t want to try to comprehend, and just shut them out, leaving the rest of your life in the comfortable haze of true belief, allowing your church leaders to interpret and make decisions for you. Now, I’d advise against THIS path, too, but it seems to work for some people, some even members of my own family.

3. You will realize it’s all a load of crap, but you’ve been raised this way, and your parents and all your brothers and sisters are this way, and you really like funeral potatoes, and you might as well just go along with it because all of your friends are this way, too. Some people are very comfortable here. It never worked for me.

4. You will begin researching, find things you cannot reconcile, and begin coming up with reasons that explain away all the inconsistencies of the religion itself, and you will join the FAIR and FARMS Boards and become an amateur apologist. These people are mostly nice rabid idiots, who speak in circular logic and go on attack mode without listening to what you have to say.

Rand, you probably don’t understand any of this, but maybe one day you’ll come back and remember these words. I’d be interested in hearing where you are, ten years from now.

For now, bubi. Don’t let the door hit you in the a…er, behind on the way out.


About Natalie R. Collins

Natalie has more than 30 years writing, editing, proofreading and design experience. She has written 20 books (and counting), has worked for the Sundance Film Festival, and as an investigative journalist, editor, and proofreader. She embraces her gypsy-heart and is following her new free-thinking journey through life. Follow her as she starts over and learns a bunch of life's lessons--some the hard way.
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