Fresh from the Evil-Dictator-Protection-Program, welcome Warren Jeffs

On the news last night, they reported that an employee of a Cabella’s store in Lehi (a town named after a Book of Mormon character) had reportedly spotted fugitive Warren Jeffs.

Jeffs, leader of the polygamist group The Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, went underground several years ago, and has not been seen since, but apparently he is still running the church.

This has led me to surmise, in the past, that he is in the Evil-Dictator-Protection-Program, which is undoubtedly funded by Osama Bin Ladin, and before his unfortunate capture, Saddam Hussein, two other evil dictators gone to ground. However, this spotting in Lehi threw a monkey wrench into that guess. Surely someone running the EDPP would not place an Evil Dictator in a little bedroom community not far from Salt Lake City, where people are bound to recognize his little weenie rat face. And don’t get mad at me for that comment. Look for yourself at the picture above. Jeffs IS a weenie rat face. He looks like he should have a pocket protector with pins, glasses held together with medical tape, and floods up to his shins. I had figured Jeffs was probably hiding out in Boca Raton, wearing bermuda shorts, a “My mother went to Miami and all I got was this lousy shirt” t-shirt, and socks with sandals.
Now, nerds of the world, don’t get upset. You have to admit YOU know what you are, but see, JEFFS does not. He thinks he is God’s Gift to women and young girls–literally. He is reported to have at least 80 “spiritual” wives in addition to his first–and only legal–wife. He also thinks he is God’s gift to men.

Interestingly enough, a Google search found the FBI Web site, where nerdy Jeffs is listed as a Most Wanted Fugitive. I am not kidding. AND the site says Jeffs is suspected of being in Leesburg, Florida, trying to purchase additional land for the FLDS group. I’m sure that’s not far from Boca Raton, which would make MY guess a lot closer than the guy who thinks he saw him in Lehi.

In an effort to save the world from nerdy EDs (have you noticed that ED, short for Evil Dictator, also stands for Erectile Disfunction? Could life GET any better!?) I have included a link to the FBI Web site.

All humor aside, this weenie rat face is a predator, a pedophile, and is reportedly traveling with his own personal goon squad. Kudos to the clerk in Lehi who reported his suspicions to the police. Weirder things have happened. Look at Elizabeth Smart, who was picnicking in Liberty Park in downtown Salt Lake City, just a few miles from her home, while an entire nation was looking for her.

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About Natalie R. Collins

Natalie has more than 30 years writing, editing, proofreading and design experience. She has written 20 books (and counting), has worked for the Sundance Film Festival, and as an investigative journalist, editor, and proofreader. She embraces her gypsy-heart and is following her new free-thinking journey through life. Follow her as she starts over and learns a bunch of life's lessons--some the hard way.
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