BOOK OF MORMON BLUES–Without my own religion to back me up–offering solid consistent sales–(thanks again, Ron, at Beatrice.com) my Amazon ranking is all over the map.

Today, January 11, 2005, at 7:04 p.m. MST, the rankings are thus:

Book of Mormon #18,516
Wives and Sisters #284,371

Well, there you have it. Proof definitive. I know this church is true. I know it’s the only true Church. I know Joseph Smith was a prophet of God. It’s just EASIER to know this shit. Not knowing it is hard. I’m tired.

SOMEBODY STOP ME. If this is not proof of how deeply entrenched in Mormonism my upbringing was, I don’t know what is. I can recite NEARLY every prayer by heart, including the blessing on the sacrament, WHICH, by the way, I never got the opportunity to give because it just so happens I am missing a certain appendage between my legs.

ACK. Phew, that rhetoric goes bone deep. No pun intended.

The BoM has shown itself to be solid and true, and Wives and Sisters is nothing but a fictional tome. Oh wait. W&S IS fiction. Of course, so is the BoM, but don’t tell the Mormons. Remember, it is EASIER to know it’s true. The other stance takes too much work. Take all that hate mail, for instance….

Of course, you COULD tell the Mormons, because they would NOT believe you anyway. Take, for instance, all this pesky DNA evidence that has recently surfaced, proving that many BoM claims are nothing more than poo-poo. Asked any faithful Mormons about that lately? They have answers for ALL of those things, but of course, the most interesting one, to me, is this one: “God CHANGED the DNA evidence so we had to rely on faith.”

What more can you say?


About Natalie R. Collins

Natalie has more than 30 years writing, editing, proofreading and design experience. She has written 20 books (and counting), has worked for the Sundance Film Festival, and as an investigative journalist, editor, and proofreader. She embraces her gypsy-heart and is following her new free-thinking journey through life. Follow her as she starts over and learns a bunch of life's lessons--some the hard way.
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One Response to 110549803192630365

  1. Anonymous says:

    I don’t know much about the Mormons, other than they don’t respond to sexual advances as you well know, but don’t let it get to you. There will be an underground movement that will catapult your book way above the BOM, surpassing them while drinking caffeine. Sounds like heaven to me…


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