Brainstorms and Building Walls


I’ve had a uniquely obnoxious and oft-debilitating inherited genetic disorder all my life. It doesn’t show on the outside, so people don’t realize I struggle with it. And most often, I don’t tell them because people only want you to listen to them. They don’t want to hear you’re sick, or what you struggle with daily. And worst of all, if they do know, they will label you. Unconsciously, or not, you become the one who is always sick.

My life has been filled with conversations like this:

“I know you can’t help being sick, but you said you would go….”

“You’re just trying to get out of it. You’re always sick.”

“Wait, let me guess. You’re sick.”

I have CVID, or common variable immunodeficiency. In layman’s terms, my immune system does not work. It is a mutant community of trolls. It is a band of juvenile miscreants plotting their…

View original post 1,449 more words

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

The boy who heard crickets: Darrien Hunt, the Mormons, and the Zion Curtain of silence


“You’re just hassling me. I don’t have to talk to you.”

Seven shots to the back later, 22-year-old Darrien Hunt was dead. Chased down like an animal by an officer of the law, Corporal Matthew Schauerhamer of the Saratoga Springs Police Department, the only thing Darrien did wrong was carry a sheathed katana sword, sauntering proudly along, music running through his ears, his beautiful brown face and characteristic Afro alarming the local white people.

Death by 911.

“You’re just hassling me. I don’t have to talk to you.”

These are the last words that Darrien Hunt is believed to have spoken. This is, however, being intensely debated in a fight between Darrien’s family; the Saratoga Springs Police Department and Utah County Attorney’s Office; and now, the Department of Justice.

Why it is even questioned in a case where there were two officers involved; supposedly countless witnesses; videotape from the officers…

View original post 3,328 more words

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

The Internet Panhandler Disses All Women

Dear Matt Walsh,

I must admit I had no idea who you even were until someone talked about your blog causing an uproar, so I did a Google search, and lo and behold, therily there you were thus, or something like that, in all your MANLIKE glory, panhandling for money on the Internet, and simultaneously begging women to bring American back from the precipice because of a stupid BOOK??

First off, Matt, let me admit that I definitely do not like your approach. In fact, the first thing one sees when arriving at your blog is that you think you are dishing out absolute truths to the Internets, and of course, you would like them to help you support your family in return. 

WTF? Is this a new trend? Panhandling on the internet? Get a grip, buddy, and hold on. It’s going to be a bumpy ride for you, my not-friend. 

First of all, and please excuse the profanity in advance, but WHO THE FUCK do you think you are? Please do NOT underestimate the importance of THIS. WE HAVE BEEN SAVING YOUR SORRY, STINKY BUTT from extinction for thousands of year, and what do we get for it? A thank you? 

No, a call to arms to stand up against YOUR problems in YOUR male-dominated society. Now, I like men. A lot. Probably more than I should, considering some of the things that some of them do, but the fact remains, if you decide to attack the WHOLE of womanhood over a choice of what they read, then I shall be pulling your dusty Playboy collection out from under your colloquial bed for all the world to see.

And of course, you did. You said:

This is truly a seminal moment in our history. The weight of our future, our children’s future, our children’s children’s future, partially rests on the decision you are facing. Your task, ladies, is simple. All you must do is not buy tickets to 50 Shades of Grey when it’s released in theaters on Valentine’s Day.

Not one ticket.

Weekend box office total: $0.

The biggest flop of all time.

So, wow, please lay down on the couch and tell me when you first had these manifestations that you were so important and influential that you controlled the thoughts and minds of 100 million women, and possibly a few men? 

Talk about delusions of grandeur. I think they have a pill for that, and while you are at it, can you do something about the inequality of our system, or the fact that MEN are fighting for their right to get it on with medical help, but turning around and saying that WOMEN, most of whom are working their butts off to make sure someone like your sorry ass stays alive in this dog-eat-dog world, can’t have birth control. 

Senator Mike Lee, the Moron Republican Representative from my state completely backs this opinion. Of course, he also thinks it is appropriate to take our nation hostage, hiding under the skirts of his current bromance, Ted Cruz, who we recently learned has a dual citizenship in CANADA! CANADA? For the love of all that is holy, Little Satan, could you not have picked somewhere a bit more exotic? Say, Cuba? You’re right. That would be completely unfair to the Cuban people. 

But back to you, Matt. You see, men like Mike Lee and Ted Cruz, and some of their Republican cronies from the south, believe that woman bring all this UNFAIRNESS on themselves. Because a woman MIGHT have sex. Apparently, purchasing birth control means you intend to have recreational sex, according to Mr. Lee. And completely ignoring the fact that only MEN get WOMEN pregnant, he indicts all women who might be embracing their sexuality, which is a perfectly normal, integral part of the human relationship dynamic, and never ONCE mentions her partner who can still get Viagra to make sure his equipment is still working. 

I understand you feel a bit of pressure, as your equipment must work when a woman’s equipment comes ready to work, no assembly required. Perhaps you feel this entitles you to believe you control all of these women, but really, we are in control. READY TO WORK, Matt. Figure it out. 

“It shrinks?”

“Like a frightened turtle.”

“Why does it shrink?”

“It just does.”

“I don’t know how you guys walk around with those things.”–Elaine, Jerry and George from Senfield 

This is what we call HUMOR, Matt. In case you didn’t know. The statement made by a Republican representative about rape of women? Not so funny. 

Please note that this might be offensive to some. Because sheer stupidity in the face of common sense, facts, and reason IS offensive to some. More than a few. I’m sure this man will add to your hobo hat. Do you really want him as a reader? This dysfunctional moron is Todd Akin. 

From what I understand from doctors, that’s really rare. If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down. But let’s assume that maybe that didn’t work or something. I think there should be some punishment, but the punishment ought to be on the rapist and not attacking the child.

Dear Mr. Akin,

What the fuck is a LEGITIMATE RAPE???? WHO DO YOU KNOW that RAPES anyone LEGITIMATELY? And who are these doctors that you speak of? I don’t know of one even SEMI-intelligent doctor that would tell you that bunch of bullshit, unless they were trying to hold your body down at the time, while they raped you! 

Are we on our way to legitimizing RAPE NOW, Rep. Akins? Gee, thanks. Hope you don’t have any daughters. 

And back to you, Matt. You think you can call on women to save this world from what men have already done to it? Do you know how many men rape women and then claim it was consensual? Did you realize that the most dangerous place you can send your daughters, if you have them, is college? 

Yes, on college campuses there exists a “Rape Culture” that continually discounts women and their credence; blames the victim; and creates a hostile and non-supportive atmosphere for a woman who has just been physically assaulted in the most personal and most violent of ways. Because we all know that rape is not about sex, but about power. And YOUR cronies, Matt, are still fighting for that power, and continuing to stir ingredients into this toxic mix that is called Rape Culture. 

Don’t believe me? Here are some facts. Please note that ONE IN FOUR–that means if you have five daughters, one of them will be sexually assaulted by the time she gets to college–will be sexually assaulted. Not only that, but 84 percent of women who are assaulted know their rapist. Which means it is her word against his. And you and your cronies repeatedly add to the problem of blaming the victim. Even Asshat Akin didn’t mention the RAPE VICTIM. He mentioned the poor little child that results from the “legitimate rape” of a woman. WHAT ABOUT THE VICTIM? 

Yeah, I know. Your probably one of those guys who is in touch with his feelings, except guess what? Your an asshat, too, because you think this can be placed at women’s feet because they read a stupid book. 

I didn’t read the book. I don’t want to read the book. I have my reasons, and they’re legitimate, and not needed here because no one has asked me. 

But you just offended a HUGE portion of the women writers in America, and they are all waking up now at RWA, ready to head over to your house and set you straight. 

Please don’t tell me you aren’t judging women or trying to “set them straight” because you are. Your use of the word “seminal” in your opening statement proves this. Where does that word come from, Matt? Yep straight from your penis. 

KNOCK IT OFF. You don’t have any more absolute truth than the rest of us. And I frankly could have happily gone the rest of my life without knowing who you were. If you ever did any good in the world, you just erased it. 

Don’t call women to action, and especially women you know. You owe them, me, your mother, your daughters if you have them, any every other woman a great big huge apology. It is not our job to fix your mistakes, even though we’ve been doing it for several thousand years. 

If women want to own their sexuality, for a brief moment, you should be applauding this, not adding it to the problems connected with porn addiction, and rape, and all the seediness (pun intended) that erupts from there. 

Have you heard about the celebrity campaign, “REAL WOMEN DON’T BUY BOYS?” No? Me either, because there ISN’T ONE. There is, however, a campaign called “Real men don’t buy girls,” because there is a huge problem with slavery, white slavery, and forced prostitution around the world. Everyone has forgotten about the more than 200 girls kidnapped by radical Muslim faction Boko Haram in Nigeria. And women have SO LITTLE value there that the leader of that group will never relent, and will probably sell them, because they are just chattel.

And if you don’t want to think about that horror story, and what those girls must be enduring, why don’t you come to my house and I’ll take you to lovely towns of Hildale, Utah and Colorado City, Arizona, where women are pretty much sold to the highest bidder–or the man who has the highest “calling from God–” by the age of 12. It is an abuse of women and a misuse of power by men that is one of the most horrible things happening in the United States today. With the imprisonment of Warren Jeffs, things are a mighty mess over there, and no one knows what to do, because they have always been TOLD what to do. He is trying to control them from prison, but it’s mostly not working. These young girls and boys and older women have NO IDEA how to survive in the real world. So they go to the liquor store and they use illegal drugs and they end up on the street. You see boys are not a valued commodity there, either, because they are COMPETITION for the old men. 

So, get it together, Matt. Pick your battles. Don’t attack your readership, or the person who controls the purse strings in most households. 

And stop blaming the victim. Call your own kind to action, and clean up your own backyard before you try to step into someone else’s and indict them. 

We’ve got a long way to go, baby. 


Myth: Rape is caused by lust or uncontrollable sexual urges and the need for sexual gratification.

Fact: Rape is an act of physical violence and domination that is not motivated by sexual gratification.

Myth: Once a man gets sexually aroused, he can’t just stop.

Fact: Men do not physically need to have sex after becoming sexually excited. Moreover, they are still able to control themselves after becoming aroused.

Myth: Women often lie about rape or falsely accuse someone of rape.

Fact: Statistical studies indicate false reports make up two percent or less of the reported cases of sexual assault. This figure is approximately the same for other types of crimes. Only one out of 10 rapes are actually reported. Rapes by someone the victim knows are the least likely to be reported.

Myth: Women provoke sexual assault by their appearance. Sexual attractiveness is a primary reason why a rapist selects a victim.

Fact: Rapists do not select their victims by their appearance. They select victims who are vulnerable and accessible. Victims of sexual assault range in age groups from infants to the elderly. Sexual attractiveness is not an issue.

Myth: Sexual assault is a topic that only concerns women, and men do not have to be concerned about sexual assault.

Fact: According to recent rape crisis center statistics, men, both straight and gay, suffered 10 percent of the sexual assaults reported in the United States last year. In addition, men have wives, friends, sisters, mothers and daughters who may someday need assistance in coping with sexual assault. Rape is a concern for everyone.

Myth: If a woman really did not want to be raped, she could fight off her attacker.

Fact: Even if the rapist is not carrying a weapon, the element of surprise, shock and fear or the threat of harm can overpower a survivor.

Facts About Date Rape

Here are some data collected from a national study of college students:

  • One in four college women have either been raped or suffered attempted rape.
  • 84 percent of the women who are raped knew their assailants.
  • 57 percent of the rapes occurred on a date.
  • Women, ages 16-24, have four times higher risk of being raped than any other population group.
  • One in 12 male students surveyed had committed acts that met the legal definition of rape.
  • 16 percent of male students who had committed rape took part in episodes with more than one attacker’s gang rape.
  • 75 percent of male students and 55 percent of female students involved in date rape had been drunk or using drugs.*
  • 33 percent of males surveyed said that they would commit rape if they could escape detection.**
  • 25 percent of men surveyed believed that rape was acceptable if the woman asks the man out,  the man pays for the date or the woman goes back to the man’s room after the date. ***

* Koss, M.P. (1988). Hidden Rape: Incidence, Prevalence and descriptive Characteristics of Sexual Aggression and Victimization in a National Sample of College Students. In Burgers, A.W. (ed.) Sexual Assault. Vol II. New York: Garland Publishing Co.

** Malamuth, N.M. (1986). Predictors of Natural Sexual Aggression. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 50, 953-962.

*** Muehlenhard, C.L., Friedman, D.E. & Thomas, C.M. (1985). Is Date Rape Justifiable? Psychology of Women Quarterly, 9, 297-310

Facts About Sexual Assault
  • One out of four women is sexually assaulted at some point in her life.
  • One out of six men is sexually assaulted at some point in his life.
  • Every 15 seconds, a woman is beaten by her husband or boyfriend. (FBI Uniform Crime Report, 1991)
  • Two to four million women are abused every year. (American Medical Association)
  • 95 to 98 percent of victims of domestic violence are women. (Bureau of Statistics)
  • Approximately 25 percent of all women in the U.S. will be abused by current or former partners some time during their lives. (American Medical Association)
  • 82.8 percent of sexual assaults occur before the victim reaches the age of 25.
  • 78 percent of sexual assault victims were assaulted by someone they knew.
  • Up to 57 percent of rapes happened on a date.
  • More than 66 percent of sexual assault victims reported NO visible physical injuries.
  • More than 50 percent of victims and 70 percent of assailants had used drugs or alcohol prior to the assault.
  • Fewer than 20 percent of crimes of sexual violence are reported to the police.
  • Approximately 2 percent of acquaintance rapes are reported to the police.
  • Only 2 percent of reported sexual assaults have been determined to be false reports.
  • One in eight college women is the victim of rape during her college years. One in four is the victim of attempted rape.
  • 95 percent of these rape victims did not report the rape to officials.
  • 25 percent of women were raped and/or physically assaulted by a current or former spouse, partner or date during their lifetime.
  • 84 percent of the women knew the men who raped them; 57 percent were on dates.

* Koss, Mary P., and C. Gedycz, and N. Wisniewski. “The Scope of Rape Incidence and Prevalence of Sexual Aggression and Victimization in a National Sample of Higher Education Students.” Journal of Consulting and Clinical psychology. 55(1987), 162-70.

** Thoennes, Nancy, and Tjaden, Patricia. “Prevalence, Incidence, and Consequences of Violence Against Women: Findings of the National Violence Against Women Survey.” U.S. Department of Justice, November 1998.

Posted in Bad Mormon GIrl 102, Eventful things, Things she said...., Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment


So, I heard through many different sources that meditation will help you deal with stress, which in turn will help you to be healthier, because we all know stress sucks. The lady on the Internet said to think of a word and use it as your mantra, so I picked baby elephants, which technically is two words but if you say them really fast no one will know.

I had the mat, dressed comfortably, and tried to get one leg on top of the other, like they show in the instructions and videos. Now I might have been able to pull this off at say, even 29, but 51? That leg is not going on top of that other leg. Neither leg likes it. They started having a leg war all on their own and I had to yell stop to get them to stop fighting. NOT. Peaceful. Not conducive to good health.

I conceded and just crossed my legs. I put my hands in the proper position, fingers closed and hands facing upward and quickly checked the clock. 10:00 a.m. I could so do this.

Eyes close. Begin the mantra chant.

“Ohhhhhhmmmmm,errrrrr,babyelephants, babyelephants, babyelephants, I wonder why we can’t have baby elephants in our town. they have everything else. We should try to repeal that law and Aughhh babyelephantsbabyelephantsbabyelephantsbabyelephants I bet #Ellen has baby elephants in her backyard. And I bet Santa Barbara isn’t zoned for elephants but I bet they let her keep them because she’s Ellen and….I mean babyelephantsbabyelephantsbabyelephants.”

eyes open slightly to see clock. 10:02. Dismal.


eyes open to see it is still 10:02. The clock must be broken! Did it need batteries? I bet #Ellen had batteries. She probably had a whole pantry full of batteries and nothing ever ran down and started beeping in the night, forcing us up to sweep the house ninja style with a flashlight, looking for flashing red lights that synced with the extremely loud beeping If we had batteries like #Ellen–well, this would not solve the problem because we would still not know where the blasted one was that was going off, so we were doomed to eternal random BEEEEEP BEEEPPPPS when you least expected it, like when you were supposed to be med   i    t a  t   i   n    g. Oh yeah. “Babyelephantsbabyelephantsbabyelephansbabyelephants”

eyes open to check the clock. Just a peek. 10:04?? That Internet lady must have been wrong, because this was not working. “Close eyes and chant. Babyelephantsbabyelephantsbabyelephants”

No, I was not looking at the clock. There is something on the wall. It’s black. It’s a spider. A SPIDER. A SPIDER!!! I cannot close my eyes now, because everyone knows in the spider rules if you close your eyes and do not watch the spider closely, the spider will disappear and you have to stay awake the rest of your life because you don’t know where the spider went. It is not good to not know where the spider went. The only other alternative is fumigation, and that stinks, so keep your eye on the spider and yell for help. “Spi….Oh wait. I think that’s a nail. It is a nail. Why don’t we have something hanging on that nail? We need to decorate, except I haven’t decided what I want everywhere and I don’t have the money to buy what I want anyway, so that’s why I just had a spider panic attack.”

Hey, look, now it’s 10:05. Spider attacks that weren’t spiders were good for a minute. A lousy minute? Last time we found something creepy in a house it was a large scorpion in my dad’s place. I hope we don’t have scorpions. FOCUS.


This is boring. I need a new meditation word. I know. “#EllenEllenellenellenellenellenlelllll. Yeah, that’s not working. Do you think Ellen uses her own name as a mantra? Probably. And she probably has a staff of people that do her chanting for her. Or live music. MUSIC. I need music.”

I grab my iPhone. Earplugs in, ready to go. “CRAWLING IN MY SKIN, THESE WOUNDS THEY WILL NOT HELP.” Help. Have gone deaf. Should not leave Linkin Park blasting when seeking peace and enlightenment and trying to de-stress. Crawling makes me itchy. Need some lotion. I bet #ellen has lotion. I bet she has a WHOLE ROOM of lotion.”

clock says 10:10. I give up.

My mind will NOT shut off just because I close my eyes. I can have a party planned and a movie written in just two hours time. I need an off switch. I bet #Ellen has an off switch.

Will search out information about yoga, thinking if I do that first I will be in the proper state of mind for meditation. NOT. A. GOOD. PLAN.

download (1) download (2) download (3) download (4) download (5) download images (1) images (2) images (3)

Posted in Things she said...., THIS.MUST.STOP | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

“Just don’t talk…. listen.”

32d117fda7d456357036695567047ad1I read on the Internet that meditation is really good for you, especially as you make lifestyle changes and try to seek out peace. My soul is like constantly trying to mediate the war going on in my body, and the problem is nobody is listening.

I adopted, for myself, the term SHUT UP AND LISTEN. Of course, I realized that is not really a nice weird. I have a friend named Carlene whose youngest child was pretty much kidnapped everyday and raised by a troupe of adrenaline junkies who did base jumping and sky diving and rock climbing, when his mom thought was going to preschool.

So now you know, Carlene. You thought we were dropping him off for preschool but he went in the front door and out the back to join his homeboy crazies.

He went to preschool at the same school my daughter’s attending, so I often gave him a ride. One day, he was sitting in the back, and I was at a red light. It changed, as lights do, and from the back seat I hear this little voice say, “The light’s green weenie.”

WEENIE? Did that 3-year-old child just call me a WEENIE? So I asked, “Did you just call me a weenie?” And he said, “Just don’t talk.”

I gave Carissa the look that said, “What on earth is happening here?” and she said, “Walker is not allowed to use the words, ‘shut up,’ since they are his two favorite words next to ‘kill’ and ‘make-me-a-sandwich-woman-or-I will-cut-you.'”

I’m not sure I have ever been called a weenie before, both pre- and post Carlene’s kid.

I guess there’s a first time for everything.

So, my new mantra is “Just don’t talk and listen.” thanks W. Man.

#donttalklisten #smartkids #shutupbadword #prettysmartkid #thingskidssay #weenie #hecalledmeaweenie?

Posted in Cool People, Funny, Uncategorized, Well it made ME laugh.... | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

patiently awaiting promotion and for things to get better.

patiently awaiting promotion and for things to get better..

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

I hate it

I hate it when I am writing poetry and it accidentally rhymes. I know. I’m a rebel like that.

#poetry #rhymingpoetry #nataliehates #accidents

Posted in accidents, Natalie's Posts, poetry, rhymes | Leave a comment

This kid. And Ellen.

This kid. And Ellen.


#thiskid #ellen #amazing #nuffsaid

Posted in Things she wishes she'd said, Unbelievable | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Mews: Poppy the world’s oldest cat dies at the age of 24

Marc likes cats. I like cat videos. We have something in common.

Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments

This man

Dudes. Word.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment